Countdown

Last 3 days of current helper being around. 

I think I'll miss her somewhat. We've established a rough understanding of each other, after having known each other for 4 years and since I became her employer 2 years back. 

I hope the younger girl takes her departure in stride. Fingers crossed. 

I've pre-empted the older girl already but anyway, she's not as close to the helper as the younger one is. 

See how it goes....

Toes crossed too.

Ganbatte!

It's been an expensive 1-2weeks, what with the 2 girls taking turns to be unwell. My pockets are crying...

I've had to rush between home and office or between office and my inlaw's place or between their school and office. Nadya's mega tantrums on some mornings has made me need to grab a cab to go to work. Most times I need to take a cab during peak hours and the surcharges can amount to much. A trip from home to office is easily $22-24 in the mornings.

PD fees are mad-ex too. $220 for Nadya's visit to the clinic that day. (0_0)
That's around how much I spend on my lunch at work in an entire month!

My self-dev goals for the month of May is kaput. Patience and Posture was the focus for May.
With all the rush and work piling up and taking care of the girls...and the barebone sleep that I get (or sometimes don't even get), my patience has gone downhill pretty much. And I couldn't focus on getting my posture right too....that ache in my right neck/shoulder area is still present too.....

June is coming. May June be a smoother, less challenging and more peaceful month!
Ganbatte!

-_-

Even cleaners play rank.

The auntie came by our cubicles this morning. She cheerily said "老板娘,早安!" to The Coll who is sitting next to me. And then she just walked straight past me.

Fine. The Coll is a rank higher than me. But 不需要这样, right?

Chey.

Breathe

When the stars align, sometimes things all start happening at the same time...

Board meeting next week, other work piling up, Alyssa is only just about recovering, school just called to say that Nadya is having fever, current helper leaving next week, new helper coming this weekend or next Monday...

Transitions, cranky kids, work....

Ganbatte...

Childcare leave today

Happiness is going for a quick trip to Bedok Mall, and having a quick lunch with your parents who swung by from Tampines just to meet up with you and your baby girl, and managing to complete 2 other errands....

......and then reaching home on time to feed your baby her next dose of medication, before letting her have her milk and much-needed nap.......

....all within a 1h45min timeframe....

Steady. :)

Now that Peanut's sleeping.....

Time to clear some work.

Jiayou!

Working Mum

I'm a working mother, with more priority placed on family than on work.

And so...

This afternoon, I'll need to leave my boss in the lurch and miss out on a discussion with the new CEO of the company.

Because I need to go to a Mother's Day celebration party at my eldest's school.

Mei Mei is sick

Alyssa is having fever and is at home now with our helper Maryann.

Apparently, she has been calling for Mama, Dada, Nana (Nadya) since we left home this morning...

:(

Feeling sad now.

Body at work but heart and mind at home.....

Will quickly finish up and then leave at 12-plus to go home.

Hang in there Meimei...Mama will be home in 3 hours...

Wah BEEZEE!

Sometimes when things happen, they happen all at the same time.

Suddenly, work is piling up bit by bit.
Suddenly, various folks are trying to arrange lunches with me.
Suddenly, old hostel friends are appearing and wanting to meet up.
Suddenly, the girls' activities in school that require parent participation are increasing.
Suddenly, family engagements are increasing too.
Suddenly, I realised that I have 4 to 5 separate medical appointments and check-ups within the last 2 weeks of June alone.

How come ah?
Macham the stars aligned or something? Haha....

I think my self-dev plans for May and June may not materialise....

Wrap Wrap

Discovered a new recipe of sorts.

Grab a wrap
Throw a slice of ham on it
Throw some mozzarella cheese
Crack an egg into the centre of the pile
Throw more cheese
Season with salt and pepper if needed
Wrap the wrap up
Bundle it all into aluminium foil

Bake it at 180C for 20-25mins

Voila!

Did it for my lunch last Friday....turned out pretty alright. :)

Mother's Day

It's the last 30mins of Mother's Day 2017.

I'm sitting in the dark. Nadya is sleeping below me on a mattress on the floor. Alyssa is also snoozing in her room.

I still sometimes stare in wonder at the 2 girls.

I am a mother. I am their mother. They came from me. How did K and I create these little humans? How did these little people come from my tummy? How did time fly so fast that Alyssa is already 20mths old and Nadya 3yrs 7mths old?

To witness them growing each day and getting more aware of their surroundings and other things makes me feel somewhat honoured and humbled.

Thank you sweeties, for choosing me to be your mama.

I love you.
And Happy Mother's Day to me.


Nadya made this card in school.

一连串

Saw the dentist this afternoon for an inflamed gum and inner cheek.

Had dinner. Then saw the GP for a burst eye vessel that just happened after lunch this afternoon. Left eye. 

What is happening....:( 

Peanut's speech

She understands quite alot of words now and is attempting to communicate more with words too.

This was her list of words about 2-3 weeks ago....

• dog 
• shoe
• wear
• where
• open (she says "apom")
• apple (she says "apul")
• fish (she can finally make the "f" sound! And now she says "fish" as "fees")
• dada
• mama
• chieh chieh
• auntie
• cheese
• hi
• bye bye

And now, she's started on the below words as well.....

• hand (uses this when she wants to hold hands)
• wash hand
• i want (she learnt this from her older sis haha)
• there
• tissue (she says "shoe") 
• no (one of her favourite words)
• pear (her current fav fruit)
• please (she says "peesh")
• escalator (she says "esh-ker") 
• bag
• owl (one of her fav words too) 

And she's now saying the last word of various sentences of the following songs :)

• The Alphabet Song - I'll go "l, m, n, o...." and then she'll say "p". :) Or I'll go "now I know my ABCs, next time you can sing with....." and then she'll say "me".
• Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - she says the "star", the "high" and the "are"
• Chinese song 两个小娃娃
• Snow White's Heigh-Ho
• some other songs that I can't recall offhand :) 

Childcare is really making her speak much more. 

Jiemei

May these two grow closer and stay close forever!

Father-Son Bonding

Dad and Adrian are in England now. 

It took Adrian years to convince my Dad to travel with him to see Anfield. Really. I think it was a good 5 years maybe? Anyway, Dad finally agreed to go and so off they went, on 2 May. 

Dad's 75 this year so Mum and I were a tad worried about his health and how the long flights were gonna be for him. Luckily, Adrian had more than enough air miles to get Business Class seats for the both of them. Or maybe he had to top it up in cash, I'm not sure. 

They made their way around Manchester over the last few days and took a train earlier today to go to Liverpool. 

It's 11pm SG time on 5 May now. Should be around 4pm London time. Adrian just whatsapped us a photo of them. They've finally reached Anfield! 

The two of them are so excited haha. It really warms my heart just looking at the photo. I'm really glad Dad went on this mini adventure with Adrian. Creating memories is always great! What more with your own son. :) 

YNWA! The two excited boys!

Office Frolicks

For some reason, someone suddenly shared a piece of office gossip with me out of the blue.

About a 40-something year old lady colleague on the same floor who was having illicit relations with up to 2 other 50-something year old male colleagues, who are also on the same floor.

Scandalous, yes.

But not enough to make my jaw drop.
Anyway, it was something I didn't want to know also.... (0_0)

Errmmm.....eeeww.

330am

I don't think I've slept since 2am?

By now, the tears have dropped.

The older girl is still whining and asking for various things. I probably shouldn't have cried in front of her but I couldn't help it.

Small one just drank and hopefully will sleep till 7am.

One can always wish and hope right?
At the rate this goes, older one will be cranky in the morning.

3am

Very tired. Lost track of the number of times I've woken up since 1030pm. 

Frustrated. Tears are forming.

Stuffed nose. Sore throat. And I just had a nosebleed.

I need to settle Board paper submissions tomorrow. Amongst other stuff.

Yes I know I'm not the only mother who has 2 kids and who is having a severe lack of sleep. And yes I know, I do have a helper. But I just need my space to air my complaints, bitching and whining or whatever you call it.

So whoever tells me to "suck it up", just shut it ok.

Errrrr...?

I'm perplexed.

I'm a Senior Manager. You're an SM too.

Why are you asking me how to handle this aspect of your project ah? You set the deadline for our partners....you decide lah how you want to manage them to solicit responses....If you need my help because the partners know me better, sure, I can help you ping them. But why look to me for simple things like whether to send them a reminder email?

Big question mark.

Drip Drop

Feel a little like crying now.

But.

There are things to be done.

And into work I shall dive.

The tears can wait.

Till a more opportune time.

Sleep

The 2 girls slept together last night. My second attempt at putting them together before the current helper leaves for good and the new one comes. 

It was a better attempt compared to the previous time. At least, there were no major screamfests. But the both of them were bad sleepers last night. Each tossed and turned like nobody's business and the small one did a 270 degree rotation to and fro over the course of the night. She would have done a full 360 if not for a bolster blocking her path. She even somehow managed to travel up and down the mattress. 

This mom here was relegated to a tiny strip of property at the foot of both mattresses. Just enough for me to lie straight in my back. 

Zzzzz...verdict? Good try. Hope it gets better.

But I woke so many times I lost count. It's a busier period for me at work. I hope I can tahan...

I feel the onset of a sore throat plus cough creeping in. Jiayou!!!

Annual Performance Appraisal

So I just had a session with my boss. It ended in an hour. His sessions with the other team leads took an average of 1.5 hrs each. Should I be happy or worried? Lol....

Anyway, things sounded pretty positive. He said I was dependable. And when I asked whether there were any areas that I should improve on, in terms of work or character or attitude, he said he couldn't think of any. Woot! I told him I would take that as a positive thing haha.

We discussed possibilities for a job rotation. Either that or a job expansion so that I could develop further. (I told him I was somewhat stagnant). If it were a job rotation, it wouldn't be this year. But it could be next year.

We'll see.....we'll see...how it all goes...

p/s: Besides myself, there are another 3 team leads. Although he did not name names, during our chat, he referred to them as (1) the one that talks alot but either did not deliver or delivered late, (2) the one who thinks he knows alot and is very good but is actually so-so and (3) the one that is very smart but often offends others and EQ needs working on. I had no problems guessing who each one was. It was quite funny....not I'm not sure if he should have referred to them in this manner. I appreciate his candid-ness though haha.

Last Friday 28 April 2017

Attended Mrs Lim's funeral last Friday afternoon at Mandai Crematorium.

My ex-boss is a diminutive guy, only slightly taller than me, and very slim, with a penchant for baggy shirts that make him seem even smaller in size. Seeing him so distraught made us pretty upset too....

He broke down, cried and wailed when her coffin was sent to the cremation chambers. I've never seen him like this. He was heartbroken. Shattered. He shouted. He sobbed. He said in between heaving cries: "Wait for me. Why did you go so early? Wait for me."

I teared. The 5 of us from the team who were there, including my current boss, teared. I believe the guys did too as I heard some sniffles and throat-clearing.

He was distraught. I hope, I truly hope that he feels slightly better today...
It will take time for him to grieve. But I hope he also takes comfort knowing that she is no longer suffering and is in the arms of the Lord now. No more chemo, no more operations, no more tubes and needles for her.

I'm bad with words and I don't know how to comfort him though I want to.
I did not speak with him that day. I didn't want to interrupt his time alone with his sons.

I hope he heals soon...

Quest

It started out as a resolution. To bring the focus back to myself abit more this year.
It is now a mini project of sorts. To make a small tweak/improvement to my life or myself each month. One a month, hopefully it is manageable. And hopefully by the end of the year, I'd be an improved version than back at the start of the year.

It doesn't matter whether it's a big or small change, so long as it's a change that betters myself as a person or improves my lifestyle.

Tweaks so far:
1. Back to public transport 90% of the time. Enough said.
2. Taking care of my face at night. Regularly moisturising at night. I was lazy for many years and did not do so. I actually do see a difference now despite only starting this around 1-plus months ago.
3. Walking more.
4. Stretching more at night. This hasn't improved my neck/shoulder ache yet though...:(

May is coming soon...
Time to decide on what I should embark on.....

I wish.....I hope!

I think I need a break soon. Just a day off from work. Zero errands. No kids around me.
Best if nobody is around me at all. I just want to lie in bed, cuddle under my blankie and sleep like a log. Stay at home the entire day if possible. Eat in. Maybe heat up some frozen pizza and guzzle Ribena. Watch 2 Days 1 Night and laugh myself silly. Maybe colour a little too.

There are things that need to be done in the coming weeks though....

• Current helper leaving, new one coming in early June. Training and lots of guidance needed
• Alyssa's vaccination. 
• Both girls' parent-teacher sessions coming up.
• Nadya's book review next week.
• Nadya's trial ballet class??
• I need a haircut. I've not cut my hair in 6 months...the shape's mostly gone and it's frizzy like shit.

Hope I can find the chance to just take a day's leave and switch off from everything.

Mrs CS

Tearing up in office.

For the last 9 years, I served a boss, CS, who was a legendary tyrant, especially during his younger days. There are stories of him throwing papers at staff and shouting at them because he felt they did a bad job at writing the paper.

I am pretty ok with him though we had an exchange once. I can't remember the details but he scolded me something along the lines of "stupid". I flared up and spoke loudly (and rudely I think) to him. People who know me would know that I'm usually a meek one when it comes to bosses. He must have really riled me up. Anyway, I apologised thereafter and he did too.

He mellowed down alot and in the last few years, I got along with him pretty well. Maybe it's because he's the same age as my mum, maybe it's because I travelled with him on official trips on many occasions. His PA has also told me several times that I'm one of his favourites.

His wife has been sickly since 9 years ago when she first had breast cancer. She recently had a relapse and a month plus ago she was found to have a brain tumour. It soon spread to her major organs. She had a lung procedure yesterday and was on GA. Unfortunately, her condition turned form bad to worse and she passed on within 6 hours of the procedure.

I texted CS to ask if he's ok. His reply broke my heart. He said he feels devastated. Devastated that he didn't get any chance to say any last words to her and she was just gone like that.

I'm bad with words. But I tried my best to say something comforting to him.

The whole team is going to visit him at his wife's wake tomorrow during lunch. I hope I don't cry there....

Rest in peace Mrs CS...
I'm sure both your sons will do well in their life and your husband will continue plodding on strongly and steadily as ever....

Happy 19 months!

Our cheeky little happy pill. :) Happy 19 months sayang!

You were the one who made Mama worry alot. From your extra thumb (that thankfully dried up and dropped off on its own), to your eye infection early on, to your overlapping toes, to your physiotheraphy sessions, to your sensitive nose and lungs, to your stagnant weight at one period of time......I'm just glad and extremely thankful those were just small issues which were ironed out on their own over time....

You started walking at 15 months, a good 2 months after jiejie did during her time. You only really started talking more at 18 months, another good 2 months after jiejie did during her time. But hey, you've grown and developed and blossomed on your own terms....You're a cheeky little girl now who has started talking and babbling so much now, especially when you started childcare classes 2 weeks ago.

You've got a lovely charming face and an equally lovely, charming smile....but you can be a real badass drama queen too. Oh the cries and protests that come forth when we forbid you to do something or when we scold you. And oh the shrieks and hair-pulling when you fight with jiejie over something....gosh, the first few times we were quite taken aback by the feistiness emanating from you! We were totally not expecting it!

You've always brought us much laughter and cheer! Show us your pearly whites and keep the smiles and giggles coming ya! May you stay blessed, healthy and happy always.

Dada, Mama and Jiejie love you!

Lippy

The thing about lip dermatitis is...sometimes you don't know when it will flare up. 

Woke with sausage lips this morning :( And I have a parent-chicks excursion trip later with Alyssa to Gardens by the Bay. 

So ugly....bah....

:)

When you have misplaced your own hairband...

When your kids' hairbands are in reach....

Voila!

Patience

I thought I was doing better at being more patient with the kids. 

But I think I lapsed last night. I nearly lost it. Thank goodness it was already late at night and I knew I had to keep it down or risk waking everyone up.

It was the first time both girls were sleeping together in the same room. I was with them and getting increasingly tired as the night went by. Both were taking turns to wake and both also tossed in their sleep quite often. Every rustle and every movement made me go into high alert mode. I couldn't sleep well and I couldn't sleep much at all. I probably averaged only 4 hours last night, broken into various sessions of sleep/nap.

At one point, Alyssa was sleeping and I had to force myself not to boil over due to Nadya's whining, which was escalating in scale and volume with every fussing/whining sound she made.  I felt she was doing it for no reason. She couldn't or didn't want to say why she was upset when I asked her why she was fussing. I could feel my blood pressure rise. I did not want her to wake Alyssa up.

But eventually, true enough, the noise she made did wake Alyssa up, who started wailing................

Anyway.....Note to self:
Continue to work hard, if not harder, at keeping my temper in check.
Continue to practice restraint.
Continue to practice and learn how to be more patient.

Peanut

Aka....our dear Alyssa.

Time flies so fast these days.
We're already past mid-April and next Friday on 24th April, Alyssa will be 19 months old!

Her current stats and development......

Height: 82cm (60% percentile)
Weight: 10.2kg (55% percentile)
Head Circumference: 47.5cm (80% percentile!) So she's a 大头 like her mum haha...

Mobility: Excellent.
She's a climber and a full-fledged runner lol. Granted she still has her "opps I lost my balance moments" but those are mainly because she got distracted by other stuff happening around her.

Speech: Good.
At least I think she's doing good. Though Nadya was speaking better at the same age. But oh well, different kids develop differently. Words that she can say, though not with accurate enunciation yet, include.....

• dog 
• shoe
• wear
• where
• open (she says "apom")
• apple (she says "apul")
• fish (she can finally make the "f" sound! And now she says "fish" as "fees")
• dada
• mama
• chieh chieh
• auntie
• cheese

Cognitive development: Pretty good.
She understands 2-part requests and questions. For e.g. "Please pick that piece of paper up and throw it into the dustbin."

Food: Excellent.
She likes most things her older sister doesn't really go for haha, like green peas, corn and pork. She spit out beef though, when I let her try it several weeks ago. Her favourite food right now include chinese cabbage, corn and green peas, and of course not forgetting snacks like raisins, yoghurt melts, biscuits....She's a milk guzzler like Nadya too.

Sleep: Bad.
While she takes her afternoon naps, her sleep at night is rather bad. She is put to bed at 8-plus but probably only falls asleep at 9pm or just past that. She will wake at 11-plus or 12am. And then wake again at 3 or 4am. And then sometimes wake again at 5 or 6am. It's tough looking after her at night.
And I don't know what's wrong. Is it the temperature of the room? The size of the room? The type of mattress we are using for her? The type of pillow she's using? Sigh.....

Happiness: Excellent
Our happy pill. Everybody's happy pill. She's got a natural charm as well. When I brought her out the other day...no less than 4 aunties came up to her at different times to say hi to her, all within a 1.5-hour period...She's charmed her toddler class teachers too!

Drama-ness: Excellent
She's a drama queen. What more can I say? Lol....


The only thing we've not done so well with Alyssa is her exposure to books. By this age, I was reading rhymes and simple stories to Nadya every night...need to catch up on this. I hope I can do it soon!

Grow well sweetie...but take your time too. Not too fast!!
You're our last baby and Mama wants to savour all your firsts to the fullest!

Dusk

Dusk is actually my favourite time of the day.
I'm not a morning person so dawn is not really my cup of tea.

Dusk.
It's a different story.

When the sky takes on pink, orange, purple, blue and grey hues all at the same time.
When the clouds seem lighter and yet, more settled.
When the birds fly home to roost.
When even the temperature seems to cool down a little.
When things seem more bearable.
When the world seems to slow down for just that little bit.
When you feel you've put in your effort for the day and now it is time to rest a little.
When you know you can get to bask in your family's love and presence after a day at work.




This was taken on a weekday evening a week ago. Outside the inlaw's place.
I know. It's just a scene from within a concrete jungle.

Nothing compared to what some see in other countries....
But I loved the view when I saw it.
And I guess, it was more special because I was with Alyssa.
Who was happily running around me in circles and squealing happy squeaks.

6 Degrees of Separation

This rings even truer in a small city-state like Singapore.

I was going through my Facebook feed and realised that a friend was baptised yesterday at the Catholic church, Church of St. Michael.

Scrolled down further and saw that another friend's wife was also baptised at the same ceremony.

Small small world....:)

Happy for them that they have opened their hearts and mind to the faith.

Peanut's 1st day at Childcare - 3 April 2017

I'm happy that the blogger app I'm using was updated. It's more stable now and doesn't crash every 30 seconds. And I can finally upload photos to this blog again. Hurrah!

So anyway, this is a throwback to Alyssa's first day at the childcare side.
She was pretty excited to wear the uniform. She looked so cute in it :)

Cookie time

Nadya had to bake stuff to bring to school. She needs to do a show-and-tell about her baking experience as well.
And so voila...

Alyssa didn't partake in the end. She was happier running around the house. :) Anyway it was better I guess. For they'd both end up fighting if they were going to stir and mix the cookie dough together haha.
P/s: I spent a whole hour making their baker hats and aprons one weekday night a few days ago....it was worth the effort. They loved the hats and Nadya insisted on wearing the apron for more than an hour haha...

For the self

Some things which I set out to do this year for myself and have achieved so far:

- Go back to taking the train to go to work. I've been pretty consistent on this from the start of the work year and I'm all the better for it. My pockets too.
- As such, I've been walking more as well and this is doing some good to my body and general stamina. I think.
- Taking care of my face abit better.  Back to moisturising at night. I don't think my skin is getting enormously better, but I think I feel abit better about the state of it now...
- I've started stretching again. A few nights each week to slowly gain back some flexibility and maybe balance? (I used to do it every night before I got married....)
- Some time alone each night before I sleep. To loosen up, to get some laughs, to think through things, to be in an alternate world....


Things I've not managed to get a start on:
- More exercise. Sigh.
- More time on drawing and colouring.

Conversations with a 3.5 yr-old

This kid is getting smarter. She did her first pun ever that day.
We were in the shower and I was talking to her about claws. Can't remember why we were talking about claws though.

Me: Cats have claws you know? Tigers and lions too.
N: Santa also.
Me: Huh?
N: Santa Claus. So Santa has claws (claus) too.

LOL....

11 April

Yesterday was Granny's 3rd death anniversary.

I'd popped by Holy Family Church on Sunday to say some prayers for her, as well as for the family.

Nadya was at my inlaw's place so only K and Alyssa came along with me. The little girl was so in awe of the stained glass feature in the main church hall. I was glad that she was generally quite well-behaved too. I explained to her that we were there to say our prayers for Ah-Chor (great-granny in Hokkien). She nodded. Though I don't think she understood half of what I said.

Adrian and my parents went to the Marina Pier to pay their respects on Tues, the actual day of her death anniversary. I couldn't make it as I had a team meeting that morning and I couldn't take leave.

Why Marina Pier?

Because that's where we took the boat out to release her ashes into the sea......

I still tear when I think of her. Though I have to admit, I don't get much time to think of her these days. Not with the 2 little girls running around.

I hope Granny, Ipoh, Tuanku and their parents are having fun up there. Maybe playing mahjong and chewing on nonya kueh.

God bless her. RIP Granny....
Or in our family's Peranakan patois, RIP Mama....

April....beezee......

There seems to be many things going on in April...

• Alyssa's transition to the childcare side...and her being upset in the mornings when we leave her at the childcare centre does take a toll on our minds too....:( 
• Nadya had a school activity in early April
• There was a manyue celebration on the 9th
• Alyssa's having a vaccination jab on 13th
• The school is closed on the 13th and 14th is a public holiday
• There's another birthday thing on the 16th
• Nadya needs to bring baked goodies to school on the 17th
• I've a checkup on the 20th
• Alyssa will have an excursion on the 21st
• And we're in the midst of hiring a replacement helper since the current one wants to go back home already....
• And.......I seem to think there's something else in end Apr but I can't recall....
• And.....we need to arrange a meal with my uncle....
• And.....K's birthday is on the 18th.....
• And.....
• And.....
• And...
• ........
• ....
• ...
• ..

*breathe*

The patience that you need dealing with irritating colleagues is vastly different from the patience you need when handling your kids. You need more of it when handling adults. Especially when that said person is just sitting next to you. Period.

!! !! !! !!

累了。

加油妈米！加油！

Fighting!

Mind over body doesn't seem to work that well these recent years...
Not when the mind is also fuzzy and frazzled and dazed with sleep deprivation...

Teamwork

We had a team meeting this morning and the boss brought up the issue of teamwork and care within the team. As a small team, we should care and help each other out. I agree, I really do and I'll strive to do it as far as possible.

My own key take-away?
Graciousness, thoughtfulness, consideration, care, concern and respect is important. Not just within a team. But even within a family and within the wider society. If all of us could just aim to do an act (or two) with one of these traits in mind, then the world will be a much better place.

My other thought?
The one colleague within this small team of 12 pax, the one who exhibits the most selfish tendencies, happens to be sitting right next to me in office. The Coll. Or Coll the Troll as I used to name her previously.

What's the most important trait I think we all should have?
Being considerate. Is this the same thing as having emphathy? I don't know...similar concept I guess. Thinking of others, how they would feel, putting yourself in their shoes and keeping them in mind.

Toilet Training

It's been 2 weeks...and I think it's going great.
There were some nights when she actually lasted the entire night without going to pee. Although she still woke from time to time.

Nadya's a trooper!

Yay can save $ on diapers already and keep her remaining diapers for Alyssa to use. :)

......

Frustrations.

To highlight or not to highlight. 

Family. Work. Self-development. (Or the lack of). 

Toilet training

Dry nights
Dry nights with fussing
Dry nights with no fussing

Wet nights
Wet nights with fussing
Wet nights with no fussing
Wet nights with mega-fussing

Towels
Tissue
Wet wipes
Extra T-shirts
Extra undies

Jiayou Nadya!
You can do it!

Jiayou Mummy!
You can do it!

stay awake

jiayou Michelle

in everything

K and the girls
family
friends
work
self

This....This motherhood thing

I don't think I'm doing a very good job at this motherhood thing.

My patience wears thin easily. And I yell at Nadya too frequently for my own liking. I admonish her for many things. Too much for my own liking. Am I stifling her?

I catch myself sometimes but the impatience and accompanying annoyance creeps back almost immediately, when she does things she's told not to or when she launches into one of her tantrums and list of unreasonable demands.

What can I do to stop myself?
What can I do to make things better for her and myself?

Loosen up?
Let some things go?
Lower expectations and standards?

I have to keep trying and working at it.
I have to.

Mes filles...Ils ont volé mon coeur

Nadya.

We've started a new thing together recently. Just recently...

And it makes my heart soar each time. :) 

I'd say "I love you sayang" when I bid her goodbye after dropping her off in school.  

She'd reply with a "I love you mummy" or "I love you mama". 

*beams*

=========================

Alyssa.

We've started a new thing together recently. Just recently...

And it makes my heart soar each time. :)

I'd say "Mama will give you a kiss." And then I'd plant a kiss on her cheek. 

I'd then ask "Can you give me a kiss too?" And then she'd smack a wet kiss on my cheek too. 

*beams*

*sniff*

Ok...not so good...

I felt the onset of a sore throat when I finally went to bed at 1245am last night, after settling a cranky Nadya. When I woke this morning, I felt a little sniffly....

Mind over body.

I cannot fall sick.

...

....

.........

Where's my honey and lozenges again?.....

Wednesday morning 15 March

It could be the sudden change in routine.
It could be due to her cough and phelgm.
Nah...I think it's probably the sudden change in routine.

K's on ICT. And so the inlaws come over every morning now to bring both kids to school. I'd hitch a ride with them and they would drop me off at the nearest bus-stop before dropping the kids off.

What's been happening over the past 3 mornings is that Nadya would kick up a big fuss in the morning. "I don't want to go to school." is a common protest. "I don't want yeye nainai to bring me to school. I want dada to send me to school." is another common one.

This morning takes the cake. She had calmed down already and we were all nicely strapped up in the car. Less than 5mins later, while we were on the road, she started fussing. Like nobody's business.

She tried to wriggle out of her car seat straps and actually managed to get both arms out. My FIL was panicking. My MIL was trying to distract and calm both kids down by talking and singing incessantly. It erm...didn't really work. Alyssa gets easily affected by someone else crying and so she started crying as well.

2 bawling and screaming kids.
1 panicky driver.
1 kancheong grandmother.
1 helpless mother.

In one car.

We managed to find our way to the nearest carpark. Got out and this Mama had to bring on her full charm and mama hacks to the table.

Got the big one settled in a few minutes.....and carried the wriggling small one.
All got back into the car and we finally moved off.
Only managed to get the small one into her car seat somewhere along the journey....

I was so very late by the time we checked both girls in to their school.
FIL offered to send me to work in the end...

I hope tomorrow and Friday morning turn out ok.
I hope next week turns out well too!........

Ganbatte!
Fighting!
Fighting!

Peanut - the cheery one

Your happy and innocent smile this morning blew me away.
We were in the car en route to school.
You tilted your head back and angled it so that you could see out the window.
At the trees passing by. At the canopies flitting by so quickly.

I bet you got groggy from staring at them.
Was that why your smile morphed into an absolutely cheeky one thereafter?
Your eyes crinkled up. Your cheek had a dimple because your smile was so wide open.
You looked gorgeous. You looked so adorable. You looked so lovely.

Stay this way sweetie.
Bless the world with your smiles and happiness always.
Grow up well but do take your time too. No need to hurry.
Dada, mama and jiejie love you always and will always be here with you, for you.

thoughts

Didn't realise I've not posted here for 2 weeks already.

Was busy at work...

Was busy for the last week as well because Peanut fell sick big time.
Had to take halfday childcare leave on 3 separate days...

Can't quite recall what else I was busy with also lol.

Other thoughts occupying my mind include my role in my workplace and how should/could/would I be able to tweak it so that :-
(i) I can make myself more relevant to the company and play a more important role
(ii) I can develop myself abit more
(iii) I can guarantee a few more years of career here...

For all the planning and organising that I do in my daily activities...(and those who know me well know the amount of detail that goes into it at times...)
The big irony is that I suck at planning my own life and career...I really suck at it.

I'm 37 this year. Either I take a bolder move now or I remain stuck when I hit the big 4?

I don't know...sigh.

Windows to my Soul

When I was in my 20s, I used to wonder how long I would wear contact lenses for. 

The answer has come to me. 

I'm 37 this year. I've been wearing contacts lenses since I was 18. That's almost a good 20 years. 

I wore them on a daily basis, whenever I stepped out of the house. Unless it was to the neighbourhood shops to run errands. When I started working, I wore them almost 12 hours a day. Even longer if I headed out after work. And I wore them for even longer periods of time during days that I went clubbing or pubbing. Not that those days were many. 

In the last 3 years, since Nadya was born, I started wearing glasses out abit more than usual. When Alyssa came along, it was a given that I wore glasses on weekends. 

And alas, in recent months, my eyes started their protest. Maybe I've not been treating them well over the years....they cried foul when I wore contact lenses. They grew tired and weary of contact lenses and sometimes even if I wore glasses, they'd give me a tough time too. It was almost as if they were telling me "you have worked us hard for so many years....please let us rest more now..." 

So yeah. 

I've been wearing glasses to work for several weeks now. At least 2 months actually...contact lenses are now reserved for special occassions like CNY or Xmas or when I have events where I have to meet many people....

Other than that...glasses seem to be the way to go already...

I was told by the eye doctor previously......."You are young but your eyes are old."

Well, my eyes are older than they should be due to my high myopia. 

Born with them. Myopia runs in the family. 

Though I am the only one afflicted with very high myopia. 

Bopian. Sigh.

Friend?? I guess not.

And so I did it again. (I shouldn't have actually but no harm trying right?)

I approached someone online whom I considered a friend. Even though he went MIA for a long time. I IM-ed a "hi".

Met with a closed door on my face. He went offline.

Ok, point taken. You do not want to have anything to do with me anymore.

But I hope you do remember how I helped you out a little when you were down in the dumps. I need not have loaned you that $1,000 but I still did. You asked for $2,000 or $3,000. I gave you partial of that amount. You got your ass burned badly and dragged down your entire family. It was something I found out later through our mutual friend. I hope you learned your lesson and I hope you picked yourself up after that.

But if this is how you burn bridges.....alright....so be it.

p/s: I approached you not because I wanted to ask you to return the money. I've already written it off as a bad debt 8-9 years ago.

Granny

Yesterday, 7th February, was Granny's birthday.

Happy birthday Granny!

I hope you had fun up there with Ipoh, Tuanku, Uncle Benny and now Uncle Bobby....
Were there popiah and buah keluak? Or telur geragau. Or bubur chacha. Or nasi kuning? Or ikan assam? Or......

I miss you...

Mortality

As we grow older, as our parents grow older and as our relatives grow older, mortality and its finite nature looms more and more into view.

We gather on festive occasions. We try to get-together on some other days as well. With each gathering, the human spirit seems to sense that days are slowly but surely getting numbered.

Gatherings between the older generation relatives are still spritely and gay, though sometimes, you can sense the darker and more sombre undertones. When the female aunts and your mother sit together and talk in softer tones in a corner, about falls and fractured wrists, operations and kidney tumours, about high blood pressure and bad joints, high cholesterol and diabetes. When the uncles and your father sit together at a table, playing blackjack and sipping wine and you see your father politely decline a second can of beer and another glass of wine because you know, too much alcohol in your 70s is probably not a good thing.

You start to realise too. That the elders who seemed to be strong and proud superheroes when you were a wee child are now still your superheroes. Just that they've lost weight and don't stand as tall as they used to before. That they are just that little bit more hunched over, with more wrinkles and weathered smiles. That maybe some of them are wearing glasses now when they didn't use to before. But their hearts and spirits are still the same. And that's what's important.

We celebrate new births and see the new generation grow bigger day by day. Sometimes, we tend to forget that the elder folks are doing that too. Growing older day by day.

Just received news last evening of a distant uncle who passed on. I last saw him several years back. While we were not close, news of his death still brought me some amount of sadness. He was young by my standards. 70 only. Taken away by cancer. His older brother, whom I liked alot when I was a child, was taken away by lung cancer maybe almost 10 years ago. Both were heavy smokers.

I hope Dad and Ahgor are ok. They are both older and are attending his wake this afternoon. They were cousins who played together in the same house when they were kids. I should give Dad a call this evening....

Rest in peace Uncle Bobby.
You can now start playing mahjong with Gu-gong, Ipoh, Uncle Benny and Mama.

jiayou!

I've not been very productive at work since December. It's the Xmas + CNY festivities...and the general holiday mood that's permeating the air.

I do some work...and then I take a break...and the cycle repeats.

Li chun is typically on 4 Feb. That means the change in Zodiac from Monkey to Rooster only happens then.

I hope the Rooster Year brings me better and more positive energies.

jiayou!

CNY

It's been a hectic 2 weeks. With a mad rush for CNY preparations. Not that I had to prepare alot of things though. But still the minimum of needing to clear up some junk for the house, getting some nice things for the in-laws, getting the angpows ready, making sure there are oranges at home, etc.

And so CNY day 1 & day 2 came and went already.....So fast!
I think Alyssa enjoyed herself somewhat. She got to go visiting and explored new places. She had the chance to see some dogs too.

Nadya had a fall on day 1 and sustained some cuts and bruises that got me quite flustered and upset. She had a deep cut inside her lower lip and had a big patch of scratches on her chin area below her lower lip. She cried badly and my heart got kinda scrunched up for the entire day after that...:(

It's CNY day 4 already and I'm glad to see that youth is really on her side and her wounds are healing faster that I expected.

Food. I was a glutton. Ate many snacks non-stop....and erm...sustained a cough and sore throat by the time day 1 evening came lol.

It was a so-so CNY. Nothing out of the ordinary...nothing very exciting.

I've yet to count the angpows the girls received. Maybe I;ll only do that at the end of CNY.
I've yet to count those me and K received too...:) Yes, even though we are adults...we still receive some angpows from some relatives and our parents. The Cantonese still do give out angpows to married couples....so long as you are younger than them I think....

Songs

Today, the OSTs of Descendants of the Sun and Goblin accompany me at work...

Both shows' OSTs are nice.. DOTS' songs are romantic and somewhat pop-pish.  Goblin's songs are whimsical, romantic, dreamy and romantic...

I think I will have withdrawal symptoms when Goblin ends its run on 21 Jan...:(

Past Few Days

Friday evening
Had an allergic reaction to some Indian food I ate. The dinner was part of the group's offsite activities. I felt a strange yet familiar itch starting from my insides as it radiated out to my scalp, my eye lids, lips, and arms...my eyelids are usually the first to get affected...

This time round though, part of my lower lip swelled up and also felt numb with a slight throbbing sensation. I started freaking out because that has never happened before. Wanted to leave immediately but I couldn't get a cab. It was Friday evening, and I was along Race Course Road....cabs were impossible. I couldn't even get through any hotline. Grab and Uber were useless as well.

I called K eventually and he came to rescue me....Took lots of water and an antihistamine pill and the hives and swelling went down by midnight....*phew*

Till now I have no idea what caused it. Could be a prawn I ate, could have been some of the spices that were used in the Indian food.

Saturday
Woke with diarrhoea. Xian max. Went to the doc immediately. Went to the toilet maybe 6-7 times throughout the day even with medication. I was still holding out pretty ok though. I could still look after the girls......

Sunday
The morning was pretty alright. Things changed after I had a late lunch at 1:30pm. By 2:30pm,  whatever I had for lunch ended up in the toilet bowl...It's been a long time since I last vomitted (I didn't even vomit once while expecting both girls) and the feeling of retching was quite bleah.

I was flat out and just lay in bed for 3 hours after that, half dozing, half awake.

Monday
Ok in the morning and afternoon, queasier in the night.

Tuesday
Back to work. Fingers crossed that my tummy will settle down soon.
It has been a queasy morning so far....


Last few weeks/days of the Monkey Year...jiayou jiayou...
Tides should be changing soon??

I wonder...

When I look at some people....they can sing, dance, act, play musical instruments, and are also good in a sport (or two), and can cook, and do well academically...and they look good...

Then I look at myself and wonder...

What am I good at?
What can I do?
What have I achieved?

Yes, I'm 36 going on 37 but I do still have self-bashing moments.......

Gong Yoo

It was through the movie The Crucible that I came to know about the Korean actor Gong Yoo. The move was released internationally as "Silenced". I'd read about it and decided to watch it online one weekend back in 2012. It stirred my emotions up so much that I researched on the movie, its background and its main actor Gong Yoo.

I started liking him since then. He was the one who championed for the production of the movie and in the midst of doing so, brought much attention from the entire country (of Korea) to the plight of the disabled children who were abused. The social uproar the movie caused eventually even brought about positive changes to the country's laws on handling abuse cases. Now that's something.

He isn't just a pretty face. At least he got out there and did something to bring attention to a social issue, even if indirectly.

I don't really chase K dramas. But during that period of time when I first came to know of Gong Yoo, I ended up watching the show "Coffee Prince". It was actually released in 2007 and I only knew about it and watched it 5 years later in 2012.

While he hasn't exactly been very active in the drama scene....he has got here a silent supporter. :)

And so now he has a new show "Goblin"...this silent supporter is doing what she has never done before...she's actually chasing the show now haha....

Peanut @ 15 months

She's such a cutie. Very lovable. Quick with her smiles and cheeky grins. Her actions are charming and totally adorable.

Height:
Roughly 77-80cm
That's 50th percentile for her age

Weight:
Roughly 9.5kg
That's also around 50th percentile for her age

Speech: 

• Besides the baby gurgles, her speech pattern resembles our speech pattern more these days. 
• She can say "mama" and "dada" and "cheh cheh" and also..."cheese" lol. I didn't expect that one of her first words would be "cheese" but it is. Maybe her love for cheese helped haha.
• It's been 2-3 months but she still says "shhhhhh" when you ask her to say "fish". Hahaha.

Comprehension:

• She understands "give (someone)", "pick it up", "stand up", "sit down", "no", "milk", "mum-mum", "change diaper"......
• She also understands "tiger", "lion", "dog", "head", "nose", "eyes", "mouth", "head"...
• She understands her favourite foods too. Stuff like "papaya", "watermelon", "mango"...and or course "cheese". I think she understands "bread" as well.
• She will respond with her version of a roar when you ask her "What does a tiger say?" or "What sound does a lion make?". She "barks" when you ask her what sound a dog makes...

Motor skills:

• She can walk on her own, although she is still not too steady yet. BUT...she chooses to hold on to our hands and walk because she knows she can walk and run faster if she is holding on to us haha.
• Her pincer grip is getting quite good. Maybe because I have been giving her small pieces of snacks for her to feed herself. :)

Food:

• She's not a milk junkie like her older sister but she loves her yoghurt melts, cheese and biscuits as much as her older sister does lol.
• She started out on porridge earlier than Nadya did. 
• She hates sweet potato and pumpkin
• She loves potato, carrots, papaya, mango and watermelon. 
• Cheese trumps EVERYTHING. Lol.
• She seems ok with pork, chicken and fish (though the fish needs to be fried)! Thanks goodness.

New foods for her to try soon:

• Baby pasta....She spit it out the first time we tried it a couple of months back. Hopefully she'll be more open to it soon. 
• Barley
• Oats. Same thing. She didn't take to it the previous time I tried. Hopefully she'll take it better now....
• Honey?
• Yoghurt?
• More eggs

And it's January 2017

New Year. Fresh start.

It's a slight deviation from my past years' thinking where the difference between 31 December and 1 January is only that the date is not the same.

This year...I hope for the fresh calendar year to be a new beginning of sorts. A clean slate again. A fresh start to things. Brand new year, brand new start, brand new hope, brand new fulfilment.

I wish for the girls to be happy and healthy and strong.
I wish for K & I to be happy and healthy too.
I wish for both my parents to be strong, healthy, happy and for many more years ahead of them. 

I've in mind some stuff that I hope to get going in the months ahead...
I hope I don't get distracted or lose the motivation....

Fighting!!

Friends

Parents are leaving on a cruise today.

At 1-plus, after lunch and while the cruise ship was still docked in Singapore, my mum whatsapped me a photo. It was a group photo of my parents and all their good friends. All in all, including my parents, there were 5 couples.

I felt all warm and fuzzy looking at the photo and seeing all of their happy smiling faces.

While I can't say I know each of the other aunties and uncles very well, I can safely say that I spent a considerable time with all of them when I was younger. All of them definitely saw me more often than my brother.

They all used to be members of the same country club and often went dancing or swimming or karao-k-ing together. My parents often brought me along with them...By then I was already in secondary school. On hindsight, it was actually odd for a young girl to be hanging out with a bunch of "oldies" haha...

That was some 20-odd years ago. Now the oldest of them is already in his 80s. Gosh...The youngest of them is at least 60 I think. All but one of them are retired. And each of them have their own fair share of health issues to grapple with.

What is heartwarming is that, everyone is still in touch with each other and still remain good friends. They explore places together, new shopping centres together. They go for senior citizen discounted buffets together and go for many cruises together. They lim kopi together and hog the seats at T3's foodcourt for 4 hours at a time just so they can chat together.

I think such friendships are hard to come by.

I'm happy for my parents to have such a circle of friends around them.

And I wish I would have my own similar circle of good friends too when I get to their age......

Now for another mad rush?

CNY!!!!! 28 Jan 2017.

Gosh, only a month more. Luckily I'd gotten my dress early on.
Now to concentrate on K and the girls and the stuff to get for both sets of parents....

I don't think I have the time to plan and execute a coordinated family look this year...
We went Peranakan last year :) And I'd actually hoped to do something cheena this year with cheongsams and such...but I guess...I'll have to leave it till next year haha...

Xmas 2016

It's been a long while since I'd last gone this long without a single post.
My last post was 9 Dec. It's 27 Dec today.

I guess it was a mixture of rushing to get everything ready for Xmas. Plus tending to the 2 girls. Plus tending to Nadya who was having a bout of diarrhoea. Plus attending various gatherings. Plus....Plus....Plus....

And so it was a whirlwind Xmas. From the months of preparations of all the gifts and the wrapping and the planning and research...and the flitting to and from 4 gatherings/parties. I had to miss the gathering with the sec school buddies this year due to a clash with K's family Xmas dinner.

I hope Alyssa enjoyed herself. While she may not understand the concept of receiving gifts yet, I think she had fun looking at all the different houses and she definitely had fun at my brother's place. She was shrieking and crawling and laughing and playing with balloons for a long time while she was there haha.

I think Nadya definitely enjoyed herself. She had fun opening her presents and she's gotten herself attached to several of those gifts. Namely, a pair of Frozen fork and spoon set from my parents, a butterfly bag from Ally and a Frozen storybook from my brother. I've had to go through every single picture on every single page of the book at least once, if not twice, for the last 2 nights before her going to bed. Mind you, there are 174 pages in that book. Zzzzzz... haha.

I'm happy to see the two girls happy.
I'm happy to see my friends happy.
I'm happy to see my parents happy.
I'm happy to see my parents happy when they play with the girls.

Today is Friday!

Thankful that I was part of the team to work from home today as part of my company's Business Continuity Planning exercise. We were role-playing a flu-pandemic scenario....

So yes, I didn't really do much work today. But I still had to stay online both on Watsapp and Skype as well as clear my emails promptly.

I was thankful though, for the opportunity to wrap the remaining gifts stashed away in the storeroom. And thankful to have had some time to finish crafting some of the gifts. I was wondering when was I going to ever have the time to do them up and finish wrapping the presents actually haha.

Am I all set for Xmas? I don't know. I hope so. I hope I didn't miss out on anyone's present!

Now lemme see....what should I wear for the annual Xmas eve party at my uncle's place...

hmm....mother liao but must still look nice...hmm hmm....:D

Of Songs and Classics

And so...these are the recent sound tracks we've been playing for Nadya...and....she's loving them...
I'm loving them too...:)

On occasion, we'd let her watch the videos on YouTube...When she's older, we'll definitely let her watch the movies as well. These are absolute classics that I love and I hope she would love too!

1. Shall We Dance - from The King & I 
2. Getting to Know You - The King & I 
3. Do Re Mi - The Sound of Music 
4. So Long, Farewell - The Sound of Music  
5. Spoonful of Sugar - Mary Poppins  
6. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - Mary Poppins 
7. Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast 
8. Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo - Cinderella 
9. So This is Love - Cinderella 
10. A Whole New World - Aladdin 

Things I am thankful for today

1. On hindsight, I'm just kinda glad that Nadya's sudden fever on Saturday was probably due to her teething. One huge-ass molar is cutting through her gum on the upper right corner. And it's making her cranky and painful as hell. Just glad that the fever was not due to something else. 
2. Peanut is walking already...:)
3. I'm wearing contact lenses today and my eyes seem pretty ok. Woot!
4. I had a lunch with PQ and TH. We chatted, gossiped and chatted somemore. Although talk revolved almost 90% around our kids and child-rearing experiences, at least it brought me some laughter and respite. 
5. I have a new monitor in the office. With better and sharper resolution so it helps relieve some of the strain on my eyes. 

Stuff I'm not so thankful for today haha...

1. I miss Peanut terribly.  I didn't get to interact much with her yesterday and I left the house today without seeing her because she was still sleeping. But she'll be going back to school tomorrow though...And I'm glad that we're going back to the usual routine of things. 
2. My eyebags. :p
3. My fingers are itching to do online shopping again. I've been doing too much of it recently...too much. 
4. I keep snacking!!

5 December 2016 Monday.

Peanut took her first unassisted steps on 5 Dec 2016. :)
At the "grand" age of 14 months and 11 days old.

I didn't manage to video it nor get any pictures of it but I shall endeavour over the next few days to do so. For posterity's sake. :)

She had been cruising for months and we were all waiting for her to gain just that little bit more confidence and bravado to walk on her own without holding onto us.

Voila, it finally happened.

She seems to understand that she's hit a milestone too. She seemed happier and more energetic yesterday haha.

Way to go little girl! Soon you'll be running around with jiejie. :)

It's that time of the year again

The smell is in the air...
The smell of Christmas. And family. And friends. And happiness. And joy.
That crisp air. That brings with it some tingle of excitement and anticipation.

While I've been bogged down by things at home...and by the endless amount of buying that comes at this time of the year.

I'm glad for all the Christmas songs I am hearing...they do bring a certain happiness to me...

Seeing Nadya get excited that Christmas is coming is also lovely...She's older now and more aware of such things.

We set up the tree over the weekend and she was happy and rather excited about it. We have 3 little maroon coloured birds as decorations for the tree and she has been patting one of them on a daily basis. :) "Mama! I patted the bird!" She would say haha...I had purposely placed that one within her reach.

This morning I noticed she had gold glitter on her face. "Did you touch the decorations on the tree?" I asked her this morning. "No...oo...ooo...." came the unconvincing reply...."So how is it that you have gold glitter on your face?" I only had a cheeky grin as a reply...haha.

Alyssa is too young to understand the significance of Christmas but she's loving the tree and the lights and the baubles on it haha. She gets a kick out of touching the baubles too...and squealed with delight when I let her touch the prickly tree branches for the first time on Saturday.

I hope Christmas retains its magical wonder for the girls right up till they are mothers themselves...:)

Here we go again

Nadya was fine for the last 5-6 days save for some diarrhoea in the initial few days. She is feverish today again.

I thought I would be able to have a smoother time this weekend. I thought too soon. 

My patience bucket is drying out. 

This is the 3rd or 4th consecutive weekend looking after a sick kid. 

And so the story contnues...

And so. Peanut went on hunger strike last night. She only had porridge for dinner and thereafter rejected all milk and only took some sips of water from 8pm till this morning 8am.

I was so worried.

She was also extremely cranky and irritable. She fussed from 1am to 4am. The helper and I were taking turns to look after her....and I was juggling between looking after Nadya and looking after Alyssa. Thank god Nadya was on a rare day of pretty good behavior and slept quite well, despite Alyssa's loud fusses and cries.

I brought Alyssa to the PD today again when the helper and I noticed that se had ulers in her mouth.
I was xian-half and rather worried that it might be HFMD.

Alas, the PD said she had contracted Herpangina.

What? Simi vagina? were the first thoughts in my head when the PD mentioned it to me.

Oh. Herpangina.
Mouth ulcers at the back of the mouth. No red spot on hands and feet. But caused by a similar virus as that causing HFMD.

My poor baby...When will this end??
She's suffered enough already! Her weight has dropped to below 50% percentile!

Sigh....and so the story continues...

Nadya's doing ok now and doesn't have any diarrahoea already.
I'm well.....Tired AF. Ad yet trying to clear some work because I'm on Work From Home today....not on leave hor, so I am supposed to do some work.

End of the Year

Time to sit down and plan some things out.

I didn't do it over the last 2 to 3 years because the focus was by default on the family and the kids.

Now...I think it's time to start tweaking things abit and bringing myself into the focus abit more.

Family

Busy is when you are trying to clear work.

Knowing you have only half a day in the office to be really productive.

And at the back of your mind you are thinking whether your sick kid is doing ok.

And then your Dad texts to ask if you are busy and whether you can call him back.

....

This usually means he needs my help for something. I called him back immediately even though I was trying to settle my work quickly.

Why?

Just because.

And also because I value family over work. I have my family's back, they have mine. I'd want to be there for them, any of them, if they ever need me. No matter how small or mundane a task or errand.

And yes, also because the parents are getting on in age. If me and my brother are not there for them, who else can they turn to? I'm just glad they are actually really independent already...

thoughts

I'm supposed to be asleep. But my mind is filled with many thoughts. Some fleeting, some recurring.

Was on half day PM leave to go karaoke with the sec sch folks. It's been 5 years since we had a k-session and we had wanted to relive that. I'm usually suay like that. Murphy's Law has happened to me on countless occasions I've gotten used to it. The school called just when we finished lunch. Peanut was having a fever. Ok, I told the school, I'm on my way there to get her. 

...thoughts about whether we should still put her in infant care. Why is she falling sick so so so often? Is her delay in walking a direct result of her falling sick so often? 

...would it be possible if I took no-pay leave for a period of time to watch her at home? How would that impact her own growth and mental/emotional/physical development? I'm not the best teacher around and I'm a lazy mother when it comes to educating my kids academically. 

...would we have enough money if I took no-pay leave? Why do we need so much money in the first place? Do I need a change in lifestyle?

...is the house "unclean"? Is the fengshui not good for my family, especially the kids? Do I need to do something about it? What can I do???

...I'm already a social recluse. Even my rare day out with friends was cut short to just a lunch. 

...find myself getting more socially awkward. Age has brought me more awkwardness or maybe I am just more aware and do not wish to waste time on small talk and people who don't matter much.

...I'm not an ambitious person. That said, while I don't wish to race to the top or climb up the ladder quickly, I would still appreciate having a small team to look after. Even a 1-member team would be nice. At least I'd get the chance to learn more about people development and management. 

...I'm supposed to be practicing mindfulness and calming the mind. But here I am letting my thoughts run amok in my mind. Not quite the person making an effort here. I'm so lax.

...Self-doubt. Self-honesty. Self-exploration. Seeking understanding and awareness. Or just badgering around like a blind mole?

...my fitness plan to allocate every Wed late afternoon to start exercising has been all scuppered. I've only gone for one session so far. And that was a mini trial/test session to force myself to wear my running shoes and exercise attire and at least get on the treadmill. But family committments and looking after sick kids last wed and this wed as well...I just can't find a chance to do something. Help. 

...hope my eyes are ok...floater in the right eye is buggering me. The recent eye infection has also given me quite a scare. Anything to do with her eyes make me queasy. Except eye makeup. Heh.

...randomness 

Conversations with a 3year-1.5month-old

There was an Awfully Chocolate voucher on the table yesterday.

N: Dada, what is this?
K: You can use it to buy chocolate from a shop called Awfully Chocolate.

*N saunters over to me*

N: Mama, you know? We can go shopping centre and use this to buy UGLY chocolate from the uncle!


Lol....awful doesn't always mean ugly sweetie...
I didn't have the heart to correct her haha...

Peanut

Really happy to see Peanut eating and drinking well again.

For more than a week, or maybe almost 2 weeks, she was eating poorly or rejecting food.

Now, her appetite has improved much. While she is not voraciously gobbling up her food, at least she's taking bowls of mee sua and porridge again. And guzzling her milk. And requesting for her favourite mixed berry yoghurt melts.

Eat well and eat more my sweet happy girl.

Mama's aim is to have you reach 9.7 to 10kg in a months' time!

Stay happy, healthy and strong always!

sigh..

This week...I don't quite know what to say anymore.

Helper complained of gum infection and a resulting fever. I brought her to the dentist today.

Turned out that a root canal was needed. And a hefty $480 flew out of my pocket. Un-claimable from her insurance.

I can only hope that next week will be better and subsequent weeks will get better and better....

Mindfulness

Slowly reading up on this from time to time...

Mentally jotting down some key points....but realised I'd do better if I were to pen it down here for regular consumption. 

• Being present and aware of the current space, where we are and what we're doing
• Not being overly reactive or overwhelmed by the things happening around us 
• Listen with intention and attention 
• When listening, affirm first before you differ 

Enough points to focus and practice on for the next couple of weeks. 

Ganbatte...

Peanut

Amidst the challenges of this week...there have been several bright points as well. Most of it was about discovering that Peanut actually is aware of alot of things and is quite sure of what she wants.

Peanut's a smart one. She knows where to find her snacks and which particular container it is in.

She also knows that her favourite cheese is in a particular compartment in the fridge, which is in the kitchen. She can point and point and point you in the direction she wants to go to...until she eventually brings you to the cheese lol.

She has her favourite water bottle and if she gets thirsty during a meal, she would insist on drinking water first before continuing.

She has discovered that a particular light switch turns on the orange lights above our kitchen bar counter. She doesn't like to switch on the other lights in the house as they are natural white light but she likes the orange lights.

She is able to match and fit some of those shape blocks through the right holes in the cover of the box.

She seems to like tigers or pictures of tigers. When I point to the tiger in her picture book and give a roar, she tries to mimic me by opening her mouth wide as well...just that no sound comes out haha.

Grow well my sweetie...
Stay strong and fight the germs....

The doc is a little concerned that your weight has remained stagnant for the last 3 months...And these 2 weeks of back-to-back illness has caused your weight to plummet even more as you simply had no appetite...

Your cheeks are no longer chubby, your arms and legs are so skinny now. Mama could see your ribs the other day...and part of your spine. :(

It hurts to see you looking so subdued and thin....:(

你一定要加油!!!!!

The bumpy ride continues

This week has been bad.

It showed signs of abating yesterday....because Alyssa was eating better and drinking milk better, although her diarrhoea was still somewhat present. Nadya's fever was gone as well and I thought we were in for a smoother ride finally...

Alas.

In the middle of the night. Nadya complained of stomach upset and went to poo. It was diarrhoea-like. Watery and full of undigested food. I could see bits of watermelon.

This morning, she vomitted some of her milk out, accompanied by long strings of saliva.

Win liao lor.

Sigh.

===============
Really wondering if this house is....not clean..
if you know what i mean.....

this year has been rather challenging.....

tantrums

There is only that many tantrums that one can "endure", in a given situation and given space.

There is only that many kicks that one can endure, in a given situation and given space. 

Pek chek.

No more Blogger app

I will be posting less frequently I guess. Because Google discontinued the Blogger app on the Apple istore.

Horrid news. The app still worked perfectly on my old iOS even though it has been discontinued but ever since I updated my iOS, the app could not function anymore.

Rather upset. Now I don't know how to upload pictures....and how to blog on the fly.
Alternative blogger apps don't work as well and seem to have a problem with uploading of pictures...

:(

uglified

Went to the doc on Monday morning again. 

This time for my eye infection. Right eye was reddish, waxy, itchy, swollen and a little teary as well. 

Drama weekend

It's been a challenging weekend so far.

Saturday morning we discovered that Nadya had fever. Gave her medicine from our stockpile at home.

By 4:00pm, Alyssa started vomitting. In fact, she vomitted 5 times in 2 hours and ended up looking rather pale. She was also lethargic and subdued. We rushed her to KK's AnE. She was immediately given anti-vomitting medicine and put on glucose electrolytes for the next hour. 15ml of the glucose solution once every 15mins. She was much better after the medication and was back to her cheery, cheeky and active self.

The doc had warned that with such a stomach virus, she might develop a fever and also diarrhoea. True enough, the diarrhoea came at night. Poor girl. She was in so much discomfort that she was crying and whimpering most of the time. Sigh.....

By the time Sunday morning came, she was cranky. Her appetite seems almost non-existent now...and it is very worrying. :( Her weight has remained stagnant for the last 3 months...no more chubby cheeks, no more thunder thighs. :(

As for Nadya, her fever showed no signs of abating and peaked at 39.5C on Sunday afternoon. It has remained under 39 ever since. Which is a good thing. The bad thing is that now she is showing signs of having cough and a phlegmy throat. And she is showing signs of feeling nauseated. Maybe the stomach virus has reached her.

And the story is far from over yet....K is having conjunctivitis and high fever...Nadya was complaining of painful eyes and kept rubbing her eyes this afternoon. She is showing signs of getting it.

As for me...I had a bout of diarrhoea on Saturday afternoon and while that was the only episode, my stomach has remained queasy after that. Both K and I went to the doctor's this morning....but now I seem to have gotten red eye as well. My right eye is aching and starting to turn a little bloodshot and swollen. Both eyes are itchy too.

Tomorrow is Monday. Both girls definitely won't be going to school. We would need to bring them to the PD again...and I would need to go the GP again to get eye drops for myself.....

Oh ya. The helper is also having a runny nose and headache and is self-medicating.

Sigh. Quite teruk this time round.

I told K that we needed to all bathe in flower water already......banish all the bad stuff....

It's 1030pm now on Sunday night. Nadya just woke crying and coughing and retching. She said she felt like vomitting but didn't do so in the end.

I think I'm in for a long night again....

Jiayou
Jiayou
Jiayou

P/s: Alyssa vomitted on me a total of 3 times and pooped on me once....

Ohm...

Afterall these years, I've not mastered the skill of not letting others affect me too much.

The Coll is still grating on my nerves whenever she nitpicks on certain areas involving me and my work.

My BP rises rather quickly when she gets into that mode. I tell myself to calm down and not get too agitated over her. Yes, it works to a certain extent. And then thereafter I find myself holding it in.....

可是。。。憋气不是件好事。。。

Crushes

Nadya seems to have a crush on 2 boys. We were lounging around on the mattress in her room a few nights ago and she started telling me about "Timothy" and "Sean".

She got so shy and started smiling so shyly. Never happened before but I recognise that smile...I had it when I talked about boys when I was 13?

I've never heard of Timothy and Sean before as well. Apparently they are older boys in the K2 class.

And in her words..."They are taller than me". LOL...so cute.

And in her words again. "I like Timothy."...and almost like an afterthought...she added "And Sean
also."

I can sense K's hackles rising already!.....

Can a girl have crushes at age 3? Lol...

C.S.I - level 1

I've developed a bad habit of late.

I CSI some of the acquaintances around me.


If I'm in the midst of engaging a vendor, sometimes I check up on their publicly available information online.  I've done it on some others...including a parent or two of Nadya's classmates.

It's more of curiosity and 38-ness, rather than fulfilling any real need to gather intelligence on them.

It's not a nice thing to do I'll admit that. I should put a stop to it....

The Small One

Helper had to peel Peanut away from me this morning...
Her fever is no more but she is still having a stuffed nose and a bad cough so we thought of keeping her at home today.

She had wanted me to carry her...She'd crawled over to me and raised her arms to be carried...I obliged and then stuffed my face in her fluffy hair. She patted my face. A first!
(Wait, or was she trying to swat my face away? hmm....)

But alas, I had to leave home and send Nadya to school and then go to work myself....

When the helper tried to carry her, she turned away and shook her head...She then grabbed me tightly by my neck and buried her head in the book of my shoulder....

Helper had to then peel her away....

She protested and bawled...

She watched me while the helper walked away and brought her to the balcony to distract her...

Those big watery imploring eyes...That red face when you cried...

Mama is sorry sayang...Mama needs to go to work and can't be at home with you today...:(
Stay strong and fight the germs okie...
Mama will see you this evening and Mama will make sure to give you lots of hugs and kisses..
Mama misses you alot...:(

Conversations with a 3year-1month old

Last night while playing in her room.

Me: Can I have a hug?
N: No. I hugged you just now already.
Me: ? .......Can I have another hug?
N: No. Later.
Me: Orh ok...:(

Three-nager indeed.

===============
On the Sunday just past.

Me: Nadya!! Time to shower! You need to bathe already! Don't dilly-dally....*nag nag nag*
N: Wait Mama.....be PATIENT! *gives me the hand signal for waiting*

zzzzz....I'd used the phrase "You need to be more patient" on her that very same morning....

Low Night

Felt like the crappiest, shittiest and most incompetent mother in the whole world last night.

We missed attending Nadya's ballet mini showcase and parent-teacher conference with her ballet teacher in school.

Simply because I'd missed seeing the email notification.

And we only found out about it last night when her friend's parents noticed we were not there and kindly sent us numerous videos of the event.

Guilty like fuck.
And felt absolutely absolutely bad.

I was beating myself up over it and I couldn't sleep till 1am.

Sigh.

Anyway, told myself to move on and strive to be a better mum.

===============

dates....

days....

lists...

to do...



to plan....

to buy.... ..... ....

to think through .....

to remember....

daughter/ wife/ mother/ sister/ daughter-in-law/ colleague/ friend/ team leader/ personal assistant/ menu planner/ events planner/ administrator/ toilet attendant/ sleeping assistant/ hug dispenser/ jukebox/ employer/ baby carrier/ ...... ...... ...... ......

Housekeeping

Along the way, I've come to realise that some folks have dropped me off their FB friends list.

I think I need to do some housekeeping one of these days as well.

WHY WHY and....WHY?

All because one Christian name was left out during an airplane ticket booking. I've had to spend a good 1.5 to 2 hours this afternoon trying to solve the issue. 觉得挺无奈....

I had to speak to call centre staff based in India and Hong Kong. Send emails to people based in SG and in HK. And incur a charge of USD$50 just to get the name amended.

Like pssshhawww.
What a waste of time and money (stupid admin fee and stupid IDD charges).

Sigh...but it's for my parents...so I shall not complain anymore.....

The issue is still not a 100% resolved. I still need to wait for SQ to get back to me with a confirmation.

Hair Velcro Patch/Strip

I thought it was a commonly known cosmetic item. But erm....apparently not.

When I first used it at home 2 days ago, K looked at me incredulously and asked me what the hell it was LOL. He also said it looked rather "auntie".

Nadya was fascinated with it and instantly said "I want that!".

When I used it in office yesterday, both male and female colleagues in my team were intrigued. They asked questions like "What is it??", "How does it stay on the head and hair?", "How to use it?" and the most common comment was "I've never seen it before!"....

Hahaha.....

Motherhood is when you.....

• get so tired from the lack of sleep and from the interrupted sleep that you end up using your body wash as a shampoo...
• start humming children's songs and ditties when walking by yourself...
• start putting your children's needs above everything else...
• realise even more how important family is...
• forget to shave ever so often and rely on your cardigan as protection in case your colleagues get scared shitless by your stubby pits...
• plan your meals and outings around kids' schedules and preferences...
• start getting referred to as someone's mummy instead of your own name...
• see another mother struggling with her kid and you give her a knowing encouraging smile...
• really hone your multi-tasking skills...
• get so frustrated you shout at your child...only to feel god-damn guilty about it 2 minutes later...
• .............
• ..........
• .......
• ....

Matchy Matchy!

My parents bought them matching tshirts last weekend. Cute as can be! The princess figure on the tshirt actually has a sensor and lights up when there's movement or when you tap it in the centre. 

Relieved

Happy to report that Peanut is well again!

Well, 95% healed save for a phelgmy throat.

At least her fever has healed. 

At least all her ugly red rashes have gone away.

At least her eyes are no longer puffy.

At least she has her double-eyelids back.

At least she is back to her usual happy, smiley, cheeky self.

At least she is back to her usual levels of energy.

At least she is back to eating well.

It's a huge relief for me really seeing her back to her usual self.

Jiayou Peanut!

Mama loves you! 

Face. Facial. Facialest?!

It's like as if I'm having an epiphany.

At 3am in the morning. Amidst all the sounds and flashes of thunder and lighting and pouring rain. 

Maybe I feel rather tired and restless and 无奈 because I've not been loving myself and taking care of myself enough. 

I mean like...the last time I ever had a facial was literally years ago. I should get myself started on it again else my face is like a chui mosh pit. (Mosh pit??!! Yeah well I couldn't think of a better word at this hour of the night. Or should I say morning?) wonder if my package is still valid though...sigh.

I was unable to get back to sleep earlier on. Nadya had woken when the thunder started and after I settled her down again with a warm milk bottle and a change of diaper, i found myself wide awake and.....

Suddenly realised that I sorely missed the feeling of a clean face which had just been under the deft hands of a facial therapist. A face rid of most of the whiteheads and blackheads and milia seeds and what have you gunk. 

Yup.

At 3am.

The strange things that people do lol. 

Well, the only thing I don't miss is the sales pressure that they sometimes put you through and how you feel vulnerable and self-conscious when they start commenting about your likes and wrinkles and dark eye rings and yada yada, in the hope that you'd feel worried enough to sign on extra stuff to your package or buy more peripheral beauty products. 

Brouhaha...

Maybe it's time to give the spa a call again and see if I can revive my facial package! 

Yes.

Before my face really becomes chui. 

Zzzz yawn zzzz

走火入魔? Nah...more like 累了blur了...

I called Nadya Alyssa yesterday evening and I called Meimei Jiejie this morning. 

And I found myself singing a kid's song to myself when I was waiting for my cab to arrive that day....the song goes like this:  "Elephant...elephant...why is your nose so long? That's because my mother's nose is also very long...."