early morning sigh

It's not been a very smooth start to the project so far.

The venue which I submitted the event bid with is about to undergo a very major renovation and is likely not able to accomodate my event anymore. My brother is similarly affected for his Dec 2012 event. We joked that that manager, whom we both know, might be against the Sngs.

Jokes aside. We both feel like we've been screwed over and we both now have to look for alternative venues for our events.

Though my event's anticipated number of attendees is only about 600-800, the room requirements are quite heavy and my event spans over 11 days in Feb 2013. I just opened the tender for venue space and I hope suitable providers do come in with suitable proposals.

*fingers crossed*

Overdrive

There's been an overdose of CNY activities this year. Well, almost.
Weekends before and during CNY have been packed with things to do.

I'm not exactly a very social person so too much noise, activities, food, meeting people and chit-chatting tires me out lol. Senses in too much of an overdrive.

After this week, things should slow down. :)

Cool, cool, calm, calm, zen, zen.

Oh Creative!

My beloved pair of Creative earphones is spoilt. Left side working, right side no sound coming through.

BUMMER.

I need to plug into music to drown out the distracting sounds in the office. Especially so now that this new office has an open concept.

lucky draw

A vendor sent in a hamper to the company for CNY. We held a lucky draw today to distribute the items within the hamper and also the basket which was carrying all the goodies. Goodies included abalone stock, dried scallop, mushrooms, dried cuttlefish, etc.

I ended up with the basket. -_-''

Oh well, at least it’s a pretty basket. More of a wooden box actually complete with a brass lock and rattan handle. Red and black in colour. Might come in handy for the Chinese traditional stuff for the wedding maybe?

Fighting Spiders

Literally.

Spent CNY eve searching for and killing an adult spider which had made a home out of the bonsai plant K’s Dad gave me. Took me about 10 minutes for that effort. And I spent another 30-45mins searching for and killing 15-20 baby spiders on that same plant. Eyes were super tired after that. Each spider baby was just about as big as…..a speck of dust, less than 0.5mm wide. These spiders were already there when the plant was brought over to my place….I know because of the webs which were already on the plant.

Yesterday night, on the 3rd day of CNY, I spent another 20mins searching for and killing an adult spider which had somehow sought refuge in my open-air terrarium. Searching for a dark brown spider amidst dark brown soil and many many red and green fittonia leaves was really quite challenging….

And I had to kill a baby roach on the 1st day of CNY...hmm...this CNY seems to have more than my fair share of encounters with these pests and insects...

Project Updates..Progress Reports!

Project Moss seems to be slow-going. The two pieces of moss which I transplanted onto a new bed of soil doesn't seem to be growing nor spreading. Nevermind, patience...I shall just continue watering it everyday.....

Project Spring...the one where I am trying to grow spring onion from yes, an onion. Seems to be slow-moving as well. Hmm, I've only seen new roots grow from the bottom of the onion butnothing growing out from the top. No green shoots or anything. Hmm...am I doing it right?

Project Bonsai. The pot from K's dad seems to be doing alright. Don't think I saw any new shoots but at least it's not turning yellow on me. :) My own pot of ficus is doing good ever since I changed its position in the balcony. From being on the balcony window ledge to being on a table in the balcony, it's now growing a number of new shoots and some of its leaves are bigger and rounder as well. :)

Project Rosemary. Err...not quite sure what to make of this really haha. I had 2 sprigs of rosemary. I kept one in some water. It has been 3 weeks plus I think, and it has not rooted. Strange thing is that it is still surviving and doesn't seem to be drying up. I stuck the other sprig directly into a pot of soil and that cutting absolutely did not survive. It started drying up and so I threw it away. Now that I have rooting powder, maybe I should try rooting the last remaining sprig into the soil and see how it turns out. Hmm...

Project Coriander!

New Project!!

Managed to locate the shop "Ban Lee Huat Seed" on 32 North Canal Road and went to explore it last Friday. Old school Chinese towkay shop with containers and containers and packets and packets of .....yes, seeds. Nope, no points for guessing.

Pak choy, cabbage, lettuce, bell peppers, parsley, long beans, cucumber, tomato, chilli...all sorts of vegetable and fruit seeds.

I asked the uncle (who happened to be dressed in a retro white singlet and blue-striped pajama cotton pants complete with a white-coloured drawstring) if he could sell me some coriander seeds. He asked where I was planting them and I said at home, in a pot. He shuffled to a cabinet, took out a container and a small little plastic bag and filled the bag up with coriander seeds.

Hundreds of seeds I think, perhaps weighing a grand total of....err.....10grams?

And he charged me a grand total of.......$1. So cheap!! Lol....

Anyway, I planted some seeds last Sunday. I've never grown anything from seeds before, right from scratch. I didn't really know how it would turn out. I just threw some seeds into a small pot of soil and watered them faithfully everyday.

And....

Guess what I discovered earlier tonight?

Yay!! I saw two small little seedlings!! :) Just breaking out from the surface of the topsoil.

Lol, never knew it would bring me so much joy just to see two little seedlings haha. Anyway, I'm hoping that more seedlings will start to sprout from the 10-over seeds that I threw into that pot. I hope the seedlings survive too!

Gonna give Ally some seeds tomorrow when I see her! Lol, so she can start her own plant experiments. Whee!

of plants and poultry

Popped by NTUC yesterday after lunch to buy a toothbrush. Ended up chancing upon stuff that I've wanted to buy for a few weeks but can't seem to find readily.

Hehe, I bought organic fertiliser and rooting powder! :)

Silly me thought that organic fertiliser was just something more natural compared to chemical fertilisers but it didn't occur to me that it would actually be.............................................

............

...................

.................................

.....................................................

processed poultry manure.

Yeah, the organic fertiliser I bought was actually chicken shit.

And I only just discovered it a day later i.e. tonight. I cut open the packet just now and was immediately hit by an overpowering smell...One whiff and I went "oh shit."

Ya, "oh shit" as in both metaphorically and literally.

I didn't dare put too much on my pot of mint. The instructions said 1 tablespoon to a 10cm pot. My mint is in an 18cm pot and I think I only dared to put half a teaspoon of the stuff onto the pot hahahaha. That's about as much smell as I can tahan.

I hope the smell dissipates by the time my mum wakes up tomorrow and steps into the balcony lol.

Toothy business

I had 2 fillings today and cleaned my teeth as well. And that easily set me back by $220.
Ouch. And I still have 2 more fillings to be done.

Bleah........zzzzzzzzz......

Boooo...

Sutffed nose and scratchy throat over the weekend.
Nose cleared yesterday after self-medication but then phelgm developed instead.

Feeling paiseh cos I passed the bug to K and also to 2 of my colleagues I think.
Both of them are on MC today haha.

Anyway, not absolutely well yet so hope I get back to at least 99% by the time CNY comes!

sigh

Lying in a big open field
Bright blue skies above me
Big white fluffy clouds adorn the sky
Sunrays caress my face
A light breeze blows
The air is crisp and clean
Peace abounds
With an undercurrent energy
Of growth and renewal
Dandelions dancing with the breeze
Marigolds and daisies
Tilt their faces to the sun


I hope I can be in such a place right now.
Unfortunately I am not. Sigh.

Major project not looking good at all. Friggin thing got thrown onto my lap.

Many many many obstacles. And this is even before we start any actual work for the project. The more I look at it, the more I feel I have been thrown into a losing battle. Like a sacrificial lamb. Tmd. Really frustrating.

Mind Over Body?

Bad throat.
Feeling so cold in office. But my colleagues are not.
Nose starting to feel a little weird.
Eyes tired and dry.

Hang in there Michelle!
You cannot fall sick! CNY is coming!

*sniff*

no, you are wrong.

There are just so many “I-know-it-all” people around.

It makes even a simple thing of having lunch together difficult. If there's a particular topic being brought up, people want to butt in to give their expert opinion and if there are differing views then voices get louder and louder and more agitated. Nobody wants to back down from their own views.

Hello, it’s just a lunch conversation. Can we just eat in peace and have casual chats. Can we not get into heated discussions over trivial things like “the official age of retirement in Singapore now” or “whether the CPF special account can be used for investments”? Leave the agressive discussions to work-related issues.

I prefer my lunches to be simple, chill-out sessions with simple normal conversations...

Mr Az!!

I had the luxury of listening to Jason Mraz the entire day. Mr Az is one of his monikers in his early days by the way.

A youtube playlist was playing all the way and I am mesmerized. Most of the songs were sung live in front of a fantastic crowd and his voice was absolutely wonderful.

To have that much soul and sincerity in his voice. To be so charismatic and charming. To be able to improvise and conjure up a melody and a whole song on the spot just like that. To sound better in person than on any commercially produced album. To sound even better in person with just a mike and an acoustic guitar rather than having digital nuances added to his voice. To have this wonderful sense of humour that endears him to everyone. To have this down to earth quality and humility even though he is a big star.

Pure pure talent.

I really hope he comes to Singapore again. I missed his concert the last time round in March 2009 because I had to go to Mexico. Please please come back again!

Journals

I have a penchant for notebooks and journals. I can’t describe their allure in words.

Maybe it’s the blank pages and the potential each page has to tell its own story that gets to me. Or maybe it’s the capacity of the book to hold my thoughts and give it some tangibility. Or maybe it’s just me with my obsessiveness of making lists and trying to organize things.

I’ve had acid-free books which acted as my diaries. I’ve kept one of them, a lime-green book, for 13 years and the pages have not yellowed one bit. Wonderful quality. Made in Japan.

I’ve also had cloth bound books, a variety of colourful Azone books, some from IKEA, and others. Big ones, small ones. Thing is, I buy some of them and end up not using them because….because I want to find the right purpose for using them and sometimes…I can’t find that right reason ahha.

I’d gotten Ally & PQ notebooks for their birthdays from the Kimmi doll collection (www.kimmidoll.com). I hope they find a right purpose for their books :)

360

Some companies call it the “360 Appraisal” and others refer to it as the “All Round Appraisal”. My organization calls it the “Multi-Source Feedback” where you are rated on a certain set of competencies and hard/soft skills by your supervisor, your subordinates, your team-mates and others within the organization whom you work with (but not from your team).
The report used to be tied to your performance appraisal but these days they’ve removed that link already.

The FY11/12 report just came out and I checked mine out yesterday.

Glad that this is the best MSF rating I’ve ever gotten in my 4 years. 4.9 out of 6.
Received both candid, amusing, good and not so good feedback in the free-range comments section including the following -->

• Must learn to share more knowledge with others


• Be more confident


• Develop more soft skills like people management


• Responds promptly to emails. good.


• Able to deliver and perform above expectation
  
  

Project Moss

Project Moss is underway. I was given two patches of moss by K’s Dad who was so generous about it. He scrapped some off from the big pot of cactus in their driveway.

I’ve since patted them down in a bed of soil, given them a generous amount of water and placed them in partial shade. I hope they start multiplying soon!

Bonsai

There’s a new honorary member to the family of plants in my balcony. A small pot of bonsai though I’m not sure which species it is.

Courtesy of K’s Dad who insisted I take it home with me and take care of it for awhile. It won’t be a permanent fixture in my balcony though. I’ll bring it back when I move into K’s place in a few months’ time. Either that or I’ll bring it back sooner if I think it isn’t doing very well at my place under my amateur care.

I gave it a misting yesterday night and also watered the moss and soil at the same time. It doesn't look as healthy as it should be though. The leaves are a little on the pale side and have slightly yellow undertones.

Stress. I hope I can take care of it well enough.

I was told that the plant’s 20 years old. O_o

AmeiZing!

Went for the Zhang Hui Mei "AmeiZing" concert last night with the sec sch folks.

Compared to her 2007 concert, I thought she was much more subdued this time round. More emo and less stamina as well. 2007 had been a concert full of adrenalin pumping dance songs and quick beats. 2009 however had lesser such songs being performed. Instead, she had a whole section of 45minutes dedicated to all her famous emo songs from her past albums. (Think I teared for some of the songs).

Not complaining though. Her voice is still as powerful as ever. Big lungs in a small body.

I also love the fact that a very big majority of her supporting stage performers are from Singapore. From the two female keyboardists and the two bassists to the back-up singers and even the drummer and the music producer.

Kudos Amei!!
May your music continue to touch us for many more years.


I think, I want to watch the following artistes. Hope they come to SG again:

• MayDay (aka Wu Yue Tian) - their coming in a few weeks but I did not manage to get tickets.
• Jacky Cheung - I was supposed to go to his concert this year but due to exigencies of work, I had to travel and had to miss the concert. Mega sad.
• David Tao - I loved many of his songs during the peak of his career a few years back.
  
• Jason Mraz - he touched my heart the first time I saw him sing live in a Youtube video. Sincere, unassuming guy with a great talent.
  

me time

It is late and I am supposed to sleep.

Instead, I am awake, on the Net, warbled thoughts in mind, pillow behind me, laptop on err..my lap. I have things to do and can't sleep as yet. It just started raining outside. Pitter patter. The sky is a muddled colour of purple and pink. A slight breeze is drafting through the windows. The room is dark. I have switched off all lights.

I relish this time at the end of the day before I go to sleep. I feel like I am in my sanctuary, safe and undisturbed. Just me, myself and my mind. No one else. Sometimes I manage to calm myself down, sometimes I still feel tensed up and end up going to bed tired. (Hmm, come to think of it, beause of the latter situation, maybe that's why I have perpetual dark eye circles. Hmm.)

of ups and downs

I don't enjoy the see-sawing of emotions.

When there is a high, it isn't the highest it can go. I always feel like I have something holding me back somehow, something at the back of my mind. But when there is a low, I sink deep. And sometimes it becomes a struggle trying to claw my way out.

Does this make any sense?

The Funnies

A member of the public just brought me peals of laughter. Hahaha....he said this in an email sent to me about one of our policy documents...

"I have read through the document. Very long and my brain come out with nothing. Hope you can help me."

Hahahahhaha....hilarious!

时间， 你在哪里？

赢了。

这几天根本没时间做自己的工作。不是帮同事改文件就是有临时的ministry事件要搞定。不然就是老板有求于我， 要我帮他处理些事。

超烦！！

breathe in, breathe out

I feel like I am being pulled in a dozen different directions at the same time.

My mind feels the same way. There're tons of thoughts going in and out of my mind at the same time that I can't really focus properly. My mind feels like a broken TV with that grey static running across the screen and that hideous "pshaw pshaw pshaw" sound violating your ears.

There's a million different things to do at work and a million different things to do in my personal life. I am zipping from task to task, a little here, a little there, back to here from there, anywhere, wait...where am I again??

Falling behind on some deadlines, chased by external people.
Lots to buy, lots to plan, lots to prepare, lots to think through, lots to search for info on...

ACK~! ARGH~! AHHHHH~!!!

*meditation pose*
breathe in, breathe out....
*ohm*

*breathe*

I feel inundated by my contract staff’s papers sometimes.

She submits them to me for clearance and vetting before it goes up to my boss. Her mistakes in formatting, policy approach, grammar, typos, language and other things get to me and I find it time-consuming and somewhat tiring to have to guide her. It is especially trying when sometimes she doesn’t heed what I suggest. (I don’t blame her, she’s 12 years my senior.)

But yeah, it gets a trifle tiring looking through her work and not being able to start on your own work!

I wonder how my boss does it. He oversees 4 of us managers who flood him with policy papers for vetting and approval from time to time. It gets worse when there are Board meetings and each of us coughs up about 2-3 papers or so each. Maybe that’s why he has a perpetual frown on his face, like a grumpy old man.

Oh dear, I cannot be a grumpy old woman!!

Project Spring

You know the science experiment we did when we were little children in primary school? Sticking an onion in water and watching it sprout shootsafter a few days?

I think I'm going to do it haha. After more than 2 decades, I'm gonna try it again! Once they grow sufficient roots, I'm gonna transplant it into a pot of soil and then see what exactly happens hehe.

Project Mossy

I am embarking on a new plant project. I want to grow moss! :)

I have a pot of ficus ginseng bonsai and I've also bought a nice ceramic pot for it. Before I do any major transplanting into the new pot, I want to grow some moss so I can do landscaping with it.

Am currently doing some research on growing it. I hope I manage to grow them successfully hehe. It'll be fun trying it out....

Wish me luck!

hmmm...

Some pointers for a civil/public servant when taking questions from the public or media:

Evade
Avoid
Dance around
Tiptoe
Be indirect
Reply but don't reply
Be politically correct
Be diplomatic

$#^%$&#&^@%&U#@%#$

I IS ANGWEEEEEE!!!!!

stupid boss!!!!!! argh!!!!

how can he send out my entire draft email out to other divisions????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wah lau eh!!!!

@$#&$^%I&^*^$%%^#$^&$*E$^^$@#

Encounters of the Squirmy Kind

TAMPINES - An epic battle of sorts was fought in a quiet corridor of a residential block in the eastern town of Tampines yesterday afternoon. After an intense one hour 20 minutes, it appeared that a female resident in her 30s emerged victorious.

Denizens residing within the soil of a particular pot of bamboo were thought to be eradicated. According to witnesses, inhabitants included silverfish, a small striped young lizard, dozens of ants and other unidentified wriggling creatures.

Witnesses at the scene of the carnage said they saw plastic bags, newspapers, rotten bamboo stems, bits of earth, scissors, gloves, a water spray, a small spade and other paraphernalia lying around the pot. There was another pot containing palm-like plants close by but it seemed unscathed.

When interviewed, the female resident, who declined to be named, explained, “This is what happens when you leave your outdoor plants unattended for too long. I had initially left them to my mother’s care but a year of no attention paid to the bamboo was far too long. I found rotten stems, rotten leaves, dead insects, ants, cobwebs and a whole host of other strange creatures. I had no choice but to kill as many of those creatures as I could. If not, the bamboo would perish!”

Indeed, in the aftermath, a lingering smell of insecticide was still in the air.

At last count, the pot of bamboo was seen sitting in a bed of fresh soil and peat moss and had been freshly watered. A thin layer of mist covered its leaves, its stems and new shoots were reaching out to the sun and its future seemed infinitely brighter.

For her parting shot, the female resident advised, “Your plants are just like your pets. They need care and attention. Give them some love and patience as well and I’m sure you will find lovely surprises along the way!”


-Agence de presse-

Happy New Year

And we are 12minutes away from 2012. Or so the clock tells me.

How time flies. 12 months ago on this day, K & I were in Rome. But it really feels like just a few weeks ago.

I'm not sure whether 2011 was a a good year for me or not. But I guess, if there were more good things than bad, it can be considered a good year right? Some significant things which happened for me this year that I can recall:

1. Registered my marriage and am now officially a Mrs. :)
2. Coordinated a major Internet conference in June within a short 3-month lead time.
3. Launched a product which is a significant development in the history of the Internet in Singapore.
4. Extracted a molar of mine, fainted at home after that and somehow ended up in hospital for a night.
5. Visited Senegal and it was my first time ever on the African continent!
6. Saw my cousin and one of my closest girlfriend get married.
7. Reared shrimps and crabs.

It's already midnight. I can actually hear the fireworks from the Marina Bay area. Wow...

There are some people blowing whistles and blowing those party horns around the neighbourhood too.

Happy New Year Everyone. May 2012 bring you much joy, peace, happiness, blessings, wealth, prosperity, love and fulfilment.

Gran

I was on leave today and went to visit my Gran. Dad went with me as well.

When we reached the home, we found that she was being restrained on the bed again. Sigh, I didn't ask the staff why though. No point. Either she was stubborn and wanted to wander around on her own, or she was being delusional again.

But at least she was lucid and could talk to us normally.

And she knew my name and who I was. That's most important hehe. :)
And she gave me a flying kiss when I was going off haha.

Happy New Year Granny!
May you stay blessed, healthy and happy always! Love you!

Lao Ban Niang

Aka Lady Boss.

I go to this salon in my neighbourhood. Prices may be steep going by HDB neighbourhood standards but I like this salon and the lady boss who runs it and so I've been going back to her since a few years ago.

It's been a long time since she personally touched up my hair or coloured my hair for me or washed my hair or blew dry my hair for me. She usually discusses things with me first and then instructs her assistant to do all the things for me (except cutting cos I only trust her hands).

Today was different. Don't know why but she did everything herself. From touching up my hair to cutting to blowing to washing...

Nice! And she also gave me a small neck massage...Shiok! :)
I've already pre-empted her and boooked her time in mid March for a colouring, trimming and treatment session. Hehe, in preparation for the photoshoot in end March!

Festivities

Christmas, New Year and the upcoming Chinese New Year.

There's been a flurry of activities and gatherings. I enjoy the chance to meet up with some people whom I've not caught up with for awhile.

But I don't really like the "hectic-ness" of it sometimes. Cos sometimes when things are packed closely together and you rush from one thing to another...you find that you don't really get to enjoy it very much. I'm someone who likes to have gatherings and activities spaced out from each other...not one day after another....

And I don't like the idea that my cholesterol and weight levels might be increasing...

I'm going for my gown fitting in Feb. Jialat.
And I'm going for my cholesterol blood test in April. Double jialat. :(

It is technically still 2011. Today is the 30th.
And I already have a date set on 14 Jan for my first lo-hei of the 2012 CNY celebrations.

Les Papiers - je n'aime pas!!

10 papers.

1 down.
2 90% done.
5 30% done.
2 not done at all.

January will be busy busy.

My Greens

The pot of basil seemed scraggly and had wilted leaves last week, a few days after I first brought it home. I've since repotted it into a bigger pot, gave it more soil and drenched the rootball in water twice in the past week. I've also removed unwanted leaves and moved the pot into the balcony where it can get more sunlight.

I'm happy to announce that it's looking better than ever before! :) Full fat leaves, with mini leaves sprouting up now. The stems are also sturdier and more turgid compared to last week! The plant smells lovely too and it's definitely a joy seeing it grow stronger haha.

It loves its water and I'm hoping that I'll be able to propagate it once it grows out even more. Apparently basil thrives in our weather. Well, at least for the species I am having. :)

As for the mint, it's doing good too! It's the first time I've rooted a cutting directly into the soil. I didn't root it in a separate jar of water first since I read that it's a very hardy plant. And it's true that it's a hardy plant! I actually forgot about the cutting for 2 days before I stuck it in the pot of soil lol. And it still survived!

It's growing beautifully, slowly but surely. It's grown 4 leaves in the past crucial month and I'm sure it'll grow even more. Yay, I'll propagate it too when it grows bigger. :)

Another step closer to my dream mini herb garden! :D

The crypt that is my mind

Sometimes I try hard but it just feels like it isn't enough.

Or maybe I am just not trying hard enough? Or am I trying too hard I've lost myself in the process? Or am I comparing myself to others too much? Or do I care what others think of me too much? Afraid of not measuring up? Afraid of being scrutinised?

paper churner

Amending 1.
Reviewing 2.
Conceptualising 1.
Doing up another 4.

8 papers and counting.
oh the daily grind.

Size

Gave a colleague some chocolates.
He dropped me an IM over the office network and said "Thanks for the puny pressie."

what the...???????

Loves

I think, cooking and gardening rank high on my list of varied interests.

Although I am not a fantastic cook and still can't cook many complicated dishes like curries, I thoroughly enjoy the process of combining a few raw ingredients and churning out something my tastebuds would cheer hurrah for. Coupled with the fact that I enjoy eating alot, cooking really does bring me good cheer. :) Oh but I hate the cleaning up part.

Gardening. Well, not a very accurate term to use since I don't actually have a garden to potter around in. But you get what I mean. I tried to keep the occasional pot of cactus last time when I was younger but somehow either always killed them or just simply lost interest in them (probably because I didn't have the patience to care for them).

But I don't know what possessed me to build a terrarium in June/July last year. I started getting more and more plants and soon a small corner of my balcony was filled with pots of plants. I don't have very green fingers though and a number of plants have perished under my care. Either that or sometimes I go on long haul business trips for more than a week and somehow my mother manages to murder some of them while I am away. Hmm.

I currently have 1 pot of African violets, 4 pots of both red-veined & green-veined fittonias, 1 pot of mint, 1 pot of sweet basil, 1 mini ficus bonsai and 1 unidentified plant which I grew from a small cutting my sis-in-law gave me. I probably would have had at least 5 or 6 more pots but those plants have long since perished. :( Thankfully the ones I have now are doing relatively alright except I don't know why the violet doesn't flower (which is very odd since violets typically flower easily and bloom throughout the whole year!!). And the latest addition to the family, the basil pant, seems to be a little wilted today.

Tending to the plants is somewhat therapeutic. From mixing the potting soil and spagnum moss, to clearing up dead or dying leaves, to plant propagation, to building terrariums, to simple watering, it is really just about spending some quiet time with yourself, bonding with yourself (and the plant too lol) and of course wanting the plant to do well.

I sometimes find unconsciously myself talking to a plant. I don't know how it happens but it does. I suddenly find myself saying things like "Oh, you've got a new shoot!" or "Aiyo, what happened to you? Why like that?". Yea, Yea, I know....quite duhhh..... -_-''

But I'm really happy if I see new shoots or new leaves sprouting out. Because it's a sign I am doing something right. :) I just spent 40minutes transplanting one of the plants to a bigger pot and checking that the other plants are doing fine. My "therapy" for the night. ;p

Next aim = getting the mint and basil plants to row robustly and then start a herb garden thereafter! Other herb plants I think I would want to get are rosemary, thyme and lemon grass.

I want to get some hybrid seeds and start growing plants from scratch. I think that would be more fulfilling. :) Hmm, need to go Ban Lee Huat and check their seed stock.

I think these interests of mine will be here for a long while. :)

Make You Feel My Love

For K. For my family. For my close friends.
Love the lyrics, love the emotions.

Bob Dylan did a great job on this song many years ago. Adele brought it back to popularity in recent years.


Make You Feel My Love
When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your caseI could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no one there
To dry your tearsI could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet
I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love

downtime vs uptime

need to stop the down spiral.
need to start climbing up.
need to. need to. need to.

Granny

Gran was perfectly fine and doing well 2 weekends ago but she wasn’t doing too good during the last week. Her mind went off the radar again on Thursday afternoon. Come to think of it, it has actually been quite a long time since she had such an “episode”.

She was crying, screaming and shouting at the nursing home and demanded to be allowed to go home and see her father and mother (who have erm…been dead for at least 60 years or more). She was cursing at the nursing home attendants. She was in anguish, she was crying and she was sad. The staff there didn’t know what to do with her. They had to restrain her and tie her to the bed.

I feel sad just thinking about it. The fear, desperation and despair she must have felt. Her mind was not lucid.

The staff had to call my Dad who in turn had to rush down to the nursing home in a cab. The moment she saw him, she clung to him and kept calling him “Father”. Sigh. He managed to calm her down after 1.5hours of talking, cajoling and convincing. By the time he left, she was “back to reality” and knew who he was, and she could sort of identify her grandchildren and great-grandchild in photos as well.

On the Saturday just past, just like any other Saturday, I went to visit her. She was tied up again. Tied to her mattress with a piece of white string and a cotton band around her tummy.

Sigh. It really is quite a low feeling to see your grandparent in such a helpless situation. On the one hand I understand that they need to do it when she is unstable just in case she gets off the bed and hurts herself or others. On the other hand, I also wish for her to be granted more dignity. But I guess, at this point in time, safety and stability is still top priority.

Whatever it is, I’m happy and thankful that she can still recognise me and remember my name. Ultimately, my longtime wish is for her to be present at my wedding dinner……

Dunno why I always tear when talking about Gran. Now it’s just typing only and my floodgates are open. Argh.

Boo

Year-end blues? Fuse is short, patience is thin, irritability levels are high, tiredness is high.
Maybe the heart should be more open and generous?

Not concentrating well. Things on my mind.

No proper work done since morning.

Wines and Good Spirits (no pun intended)

I had wine at last night's gathering. More than usual because I didn't really bother about whether my stomach would "spoil" the next day. Plus, I had brought along my favourite Riesling wine as well. :)

Had 2 glasses of a very good 2002 American Spicy red, 2 of the Australian Riesling I brought, and 1 white Italian Stoave.

Coupled with camembert, cheddar, rocamadour cheese and good company.
It was really an enjoyable night with the Frenchies. :)

Looking forward to the CNY gathering with them!!

Pets?

I've liked dogs since young. I remember having borrowed tons of books on dog care, dog breeds, dog training, etc from the library. The first few times my Dad would ask me why I borrowed such books but he gave up asking after a while because it happened too often haha.

I also went through a phase where I had 20 imaginary pet dogs.

All the while, I told myself that I'd keep a pet dog of my own if and when I finally get a place of my own.

But I feel slightly differently these days. I am a little unsure now whether or not I would get myself a pet dog, or cat.

It takes commitment. Alot of it. And when the pet falls ill or dies, the amount of sadness I'd feel would be hugely unsettling. I know myself. I'd probably cry myself to bits.

And guess what triggered this?

The demise of Mr Orange, my pet hermit crab.

Strange but true.

A Petty Post

Sometimes, we take others for granted. Sometimes, we overlook things. Sometimes, we assume things wrongly. Sometimes, such little things get to you. Though you try to let it slide, it creeps back into your thoughts.

I had two presents for A. I'd passed A the first present. B, who was around, bypassed me, went straight to A and helped A open the present. B also took out the present and had "fun" with A, with the gift that I'd gotten for A. I felt excluded. What could I do except let it slide?

Part 2 of the present was given to A later on. And the same thing happened. But there was nothing much I could do as well.

I feel upset at having been sidelined. This might seem trivial, petty and incomprehensible. Maybe I don't have an open heart. Somehow I do feel upset about it. I guess nobody likes to be sidelined and I do hope this does not happen in the future.....

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

This is an article reproduced. Original source is from the following URL -->
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/


I think this article is an awesome awesome read. It's one of those articles which everyone can relate to. And which talks about things which I believe everyone is experiencing and is guilty of doing, whether consciously or sub-consciously.

I think, out of the 30 things listed, I am guilty of at least 75% of them...

========================

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Transport

See lah. Backside itchy lah
Bring so many people into Singapore lah
Put big big stress on transport system
Then now MRT train always break down

Aiyo. Why like that?

Gahmen say must use public transport more
Because cheap, convenient and environmentally friendly
But then train always got so many people
Stand shoulder to shoulder
Cannot find seat and got weird people talk loudly

Aiyo. Why like that?

And then so co-in....so co-in-si-dense?
And then so "qiao"
Last week taxi up the fare
This week trains kaput twice
Force people to take taxi
Taxi uncles must be super happy, especially tonight

Aiyo. Why like that?

Some say
Cannot take train so take bus lor
But then bus also risky
Bus company hired lot of foreign drivers
What if they get lost then how?
Like the driver who brought his passengers
On a 2-hour journey around SG that day

Aiyo.
Really, why like that ah...?

=========
I'm just glad I was not on the Circle Line when it broke down yesterday. And I'm mighty glad I was not on the North South line today when it broke down too.

I saw a friend post pictures of his mini "adventure". He was on the train from City Hall to Dhoby Ghaut when the train stalled. He was stuck in it for quite awhile before SMRT staff came to lead them out. I think they had to walk through the underground tunnel to get back to one of the stations safely.

Defnitely an adventure I don't want to experience.

Koyok

I was rather touched yesterday when a colleague passed me a packet of pain relief patches otherwise known as "koyok" in hokkien. He knew that I'd been having problems with my aching neck and shoulders.

It was after 6pm, he'd just finished a meeting and he came over to see if I was still around so that he could pass me the patches. I happened to still be around. Heh.

Thank you DaGe TY!

Err, though I have never ever used a koyok before and am not quite sure how to use it, I still appreciate the gesture very much!

Sidenote:
TY's a father of two little girls, one aged 3+ and the other aged 1+ I think. A bunch of us used to call him DaGe. Unfortunately, only myself and another guy are still in the company, the rest have left. But anyway, we called him DaGe (Big Brother in Mandarin) because he was one of those who was friendly to everyone and would help us "young ones" out if we had a problem.

敢敢来

To what level should we be risk-averse and cover our asses during work?

When things are dynamic, there sometimes comes a situation which calls for flexibility and a certain amount of courage for a split-second’s decision to say “GO”.

I did that this morning. I didn’t ask for my boss’ clearance nor did I consult anyone. It wasn’t a life and death issue, just some small measure of risk. I made a quick assessment. I thought it was alright. I went ahead.

And then I get picked on by a senior manager. He didn’t make a big fuss or anything lah. But said it was risky and should not be done at all in case we get complaints.

Sigh.

Scared to do this, scared to do that. Then don’t do anything at all lor. -_-"

Control

My temper has always been a bane. As is my lack of patience at times.

I lost it and snapped at a colleague this morning. My admin lady. Someone who has tried my patience many a time with her loudness, her always jumping to conclusions, her loud cackling laughter, her not knowing when to stop, her hypocrisy, her loud yawns in office......

She said I was fierce and I apologised immediately.

She's been a good help here and there. But I know there will be a time when her ways get to me again. I hope I will be able to keep my cool when it happens.

Now I know why I am retreating further into my corner at work. My patience is wearing thin for alot of things here. Sometimes a usually meek lamb can morph into a fierce tiger.

Not a good start to the morning.

Ewww. Mould.

Tiring day. :(

A few week ago, my wardrobe was hit by mould. I don't know why but patches of mould started appearing on the interior walls of my wardrobe and along some edges of the shelves. Quite gross.

Sigh, I spent a good 3hours plus today clearing out everything from my wardrobe and wiping my whole wardrobe down with diluted dettol. Had to air it out after that and then dump everything back in. But some of the clothes which I've not worn for a long time were hit by mould too. Had to disinfect them and then throw them in the washing machine. Argh...

Good thing was that I managed to throw out some old clothes and things in the process. One whole big bag of them actually lol...

All I wanna do now is have dinner and then crash into bed...

Oh wait, cannot. I haven't bathe yet. Argh!!

jog-a-walk, walk-a jog??

I did a 2.3 tonight. Yes, only that distance. Compared to what I was doing last time, 3.5 or 4 twice a week, I think I have a lot of catching up to do.

This is what slacking off does to you.

After my 1 night hospital stay last month, I tried getting back into a regular routine of jogging. Lungs and feet were still in sleep mode though and I couldn't even run 1km without stopping. Today's the best effort thus far.

Nevermind.
JIAYOU MICHELLE!
Slowly but surely you'll be hitting 3.5 or 4 again!

Empress Dowager

I think the older my mum gets, the more paranoid she becomes.

I cleared out the crab tank earlier tonight and was washing it clean in the toilet. She came over to tell me to use Dettol to make sure all bacteria is KILLED. Specifically told me to clean every corner of the tank properly. Hmm, I don't recall her asking me to use Dettol when I was cleaning hamster cages last time when some of my hamsters died.

Either my observation is true, or she simply hated the crabs lol.

Mr Orange

I woke on Tuesday morning to discover that during the night before, Mr Orange had dropped his main claw. I found it next to him, partially buried in the gravel.

It is serious business when a hermit crab drops his main claw because they use their main claw to act as the "door" to seal shut the entrance to their shell when they retreat into it. And it is also serious business when a crab drops so many of its limbs within a span of a few hours. It usually means the crab is dying.

I took his shell out and checked on him. It felt really weird seeing him with both claws and one of his legs missing. He wasn't moving and didn't respond as well when I tried to agitate him by blowing on him.

Sigh. I couldn't do much except put his shell (with him in it of course) and main claw into a small plastic bag and disposed the bag.

RIP Mr Orange.

You were the active vibrant one with your orange coloured limbs, always climbing here and there and especially up the netting I set up at the back of the tank for you. You liked having cornflakes and you enjoyed your baths. When Mr Grey passed on 2 months back, I had a feeling you were kind of lonely in the tank. Hope you didn't suffer too much when you passed on...May you have lots of cornflakes in wherever hermit crabs go to when they pass on...(hmm, crabby heaven?).

Breathe

Things are falling off my plate and my staff is chasing me for things.

My hermit crab, Mr Orange, has died on me.

My skin is erupting and I'm getting small spots of hives above my lips.

Small bout of diarrhoea on and off.

I don't know how to do some of my work.

I need to clear the bloody crab tank when I get home at night.

Vision in my right eye is blurry cos of the friggin toric lens.

My boss is SMS-ing me with looooooong SMSes to discuss work. WTH.

My neck & shoulder has started to ache a little again.

Office desk is a mess. I have a whole stack of 100 namecards which has not been sorted.

Stomach feels bloated.

Argh.

The King

K is back in Nice right now and should be in the midst of his thesis presentation right now or maybe his session is just done. I don't know and I don't dare to SMS him too lest the presentation is still on-going.

All the best baby!

======
Sidenote:
Not sure whether to get him to buy any bags from there. I'm half-hearted to part with the money and not too sure what type of design I want too...Hmm. *ponders*

damp, dowdy, low

It has been a period of self-bashing and generally feeling a little low.

I don't know if it's because my self-belief and confidence have taken a sudden steep dip, or the rains have put a damper on me, or that November and December are usually sentimental, nostalgic and emo months for me.

At work, I'm frowning alot more than usual, I'm fiercer and less patient with the two support staff, I'm feeling more stupid, I'm very much less motivated, I'm keeping to myself more, my irritability fuse is much shorter, I'm more detached and I'm just generally "xian".

Out of work I'm better but the self-doubt and "xian-ness" still lingers around.

I'd feel upset over the slightest thing too.

Am I menopausing??? Or am I just ovulating and the hormones are in a frenzy and wreaking havoc on me?

But hmm..it's been 2-3 weeks already?

Hang in there Mr Orange

Mr Orange isn't doing too good. He's been sluggish for the past week and hasn't been eating or drinking much.

He dropped 2 limbs today and that is definitely not a good sign. One of the limbs he dropped was his minor claw.

Either he's sick, or he's super stressed out, or he's got a disease or he's having problems moulting properly or the tank has got mites.

Other reasons include a bad living environment. But I've been doing the same thing since July so I hope I can rule out this possibility.

I read online that I should be placing him in an isolation tank for him to calm down and for me to assess the situation and to identify a possible reason. But the thing is that I don't have an extra tank, so how to isolate him from the current tank?

Sigh. I can only leave him be for now. And continue monitoring him.

My mum is nagging again. She's saying things like "Why don't you just throw it away? It's probably rotting away already" and "Can you please don't buy any of these things anymore?" and "I hope there's no germs coming from the crab. I hope the germs are not airborne".....

mega sigh.

OUCH --> AHHH

I had a much needed neck, shoulder and back massage earlier tonight.

7 months of not visiting my masseuse had led to me developing a bad tension strain running from the right side of my neck to my shoulder area. And this morning I woke with an ache down the left side of the spine.

I sheepishly went to see her after work today and she nagged at me for not going to her regularly enough.

Nagging aside, I'm mighty glad for her "iron fingers" for she ironed out some of the kinks in my back and shoulder muscles. There are still more knots to be undone in the tendons and muscles but I'll leave those to another session. 45mins of rubbing, kneading, pressing, pulling and poking is just about that much pain I can endure.

Yes, call me weak. Lol.

But I promised her I'll be back soon. For her to get my back into better shape and for her to get rid of the other knots in my back.

I walked home with a spring in my step after the session. Though painful, the massage was strangely invigorating. She said she applied pressure on my pressure points and acupoints to "release" the unwanted qi. I really felt lighter and like as if a burden had been lifted from my back.

I hope I sleep better tonight. :)

Encouragement

My colleague is so sweet. She sent me an email after I told her I was feeling xian at work.

==========
Sweetie,

Don't let life's opportunities slip through your fingers,
there are so many challenges you can find,
there are so many goals worth fighting for,
one of the best is PEACE OF MIND

LIFE COULD BE WORSE, SO TAKE THE SPILL WITH A THRILL & A SMILE

May the future ahead of you be brighter. Take care & stay healthy.

Sombre

A colleague just said something to me with a half grin: "Ahem, I have received complaints from staff. That there is an observable moodiness with Michelle these days. And some of them don't dare to talk to you at times haha."

Me: "Oh is it." *smiles and shrugs*

=============
Yes there's a slight dark aura around me.
Caused by a rush of some projects in the last few weeks and exacerbated by my irritation with some colleagues.

Hence, the retreat into my own minute corner and the choice of not speaking too much to any of my teammates, especially those who were the cause of my irritation.

Plus I wasn't well 2 weeks plus ago.

The pall will pass though, I am sure.
Just like how the dark rain clouds of December give way to whiter fluffier spring clouds in January.

Step by step we plod along, one foot before the other
Hopefully towards finding better things and greater clarity in life
The path forward is uncertain at times but what choice have we but to continue?

I am just glad I have K, my family and close friends around me.

%&^*#%$%

God please grant me patience. Working with obstinate and f**king anal people who don't want you to know what they are doing really takes alot of patience.

My blood was boiling for a few minutes but I've brought it down to a simmer and I hope to cool it down soon. Am plugged into the music of Pachelbel, Tchaikovsky, Bach, Mozart and others.

Who raised my blood pressure? The Coll this time.

reception helper fatigue?

I saw one of my best friends get married yesterday...It was a lovely affair. And of course I was really happy for her and I was also involved a little here and there from the start of her planning process. Needless to say, I was present throughout the whole process yesterday from 5am right till almost midnight.

I was assigned a role at the reception. While sitting there, I thought about my 10 or 11 times of helping out at weddings and the close-to-10 times I've been asked to sit at the reception. And then the realisation hit me.

I think I may have "reception helper" fatigue already. I don't mind helping out in the planning process or the morning activities or other roles. Don't get me wrong. I'd gladly help out friends dear to me. But I think I'd groan a little if I have to sit at another reception table already haha.

I'm whining but I guess I just don't want to.....

• miss out on seeing another video montage or...
• stay late at the reception to wait for irresponsible late-comers lol or .....
• miss out on pre-dinner chit chat with friends or ...
• miss out on the first dish entry....

Hehe.

Dolling Up

Everytime I get a professional make-up artist to paint my face, I invariably feel bad at the end of it. Not because the paint turns out ugly, but because of the comments made during the process of doing up my face.

Common comments:

• You're rather tanned
• Your skin is dry
• Your skin has so much blemishes
• Your skin looks...lacklustre
  
• Your eyebags are quite big
• Your dark eye circles are quite obvious
• Hmm, your eyelashes are really very short
• Your hair's dry

My common replies or lack of:

• Oh ok
• *sheepish smile*
• ....*silence*....
• *nods head*
• Sorry for making you use so much concealer
• Sorry for making you work harder haha

I guess...All I want for Xmas is....

Plastic Surgery?
Facial Enhancement Procedures?
Tons of Facial Vouchers?
Tons of Hair Salon Vouchers?

Inspirational Words

I thank Donna Daritan for posting this up on her FB page and lighting up my day with her inspirational words.

==================

Promise yourself to be strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind;

to talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet;

to make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them;

to look at the sunny side of everything and to make your optimism come true;

to think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best;

to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own;

to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future;

to wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet;

to give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others;

to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble;

to think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds;

to live in the faith that the whole world is on your side;

so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Drama Wednesday - 9 Nov 2011

I promised myself 6 years ago that I would never ever sit in an ambulance again. Unless it's for a valid reason like a friend's waterbag burst or something.

I broke that promise on Wednesday afternoon. Yup, just after I blogged about my experience at the dentist. After blogging, I cleared some work emails and then sat down to have a light lunch of pork porridge.

I was at the kitchen table. My mother was sitting next to me. I had 2-3 tentative spoonfuls of porridge. Tentative because the wound in my mouth was still bleeding and was raw like hell.

And then, I felt faint.

I could see my vision dimming. I could feel my heart start to palpitate. I told my mother I felt faint and I lay my head down on the table. I must have blacked out for a few seconds after that for I did not know what went on in my surroundings. But I did feel things happening to me.

All I felt was extreme anxiety in that few seconds. My heart was pounding away and felt like it was going to explode in my chest. I was breathing in hurried short breaths and I felt like I was going mad. I half-felt like I was going to die. It definitely felt horrible and very awful.

And then I came to.

But I couldn't really speak yet and I was still short of breath. Took me a few more seconds or maybe even a minute or two before I could speak a little.

I must have scared my mum like shit. I was conscious when I saw her run into her room to wake my dad who was having a nap. They deliberated for one or two minutes before deciding to call an ambulance.

4 SCDF personnel arrived maybe 8-10 minutes later and crammed into my kitchen. A Chinese guy pricked my finger and did an immediate blood test. A very pretty young Malay girl, who actually looked quite hot in her SCDF dark blue uniform, started asking me questions like what happened, can I describe what went on, did I know where I was, what's my name, etc...

And then I found myself in a collapsible gurney being wheeled out of my own home, into the lift and then into the ambulance.

At least I was conscious the whole time. And at least I knew what was going on within the A&E confines. Back in 2005, I was unconsious the whole time I was being transported to the hospital and I didn't know what went on in the A&E room at all.

In the A&E room, another prick, another simple blood test. And then a needle meant for plugs was poked into my left wrist. The girl must have been inexperienced. She moved the needle in and out of me twice and also shifted it a little from left to right while it was in my vein. Because she couldn't get the blood to flow. Anyone who has ever had a plug fitted into them before would know that all the above actions is fucking painful.

She finally gave up, took the needle out of me and had another nurse plug my right wrist instead. Good move. I felt no pain when the other nurse did my right wrist.

===============
After hours of waiting in the cold A&E observation room (I would prefer to call it a holding room instead), I was warded for the night.

Due to my colourful medical history, the doctors were rightfully nervous about my fainting and had several tests done on me. Had another tube of blood taken from me at bloody 230am in the morning for another blood test. And they woke me up from my sleep just to do that. Did a CT scan as well.

They couldn't find anythng wrong with me. Which is a good thing. I was normal. And one of the doctors mentioned that perhaps my toth extraction in the morning had something to do with my fainting.

All in all, I think I had a total of 16-17 nurses, interns, junior doctors, doctors and senior doctors who saw me right from the time I went into A&E to the time I was discharged the next day.

===============
I feel guilty for having made my parents go through this. Sigh....

And I feel kind of upset for being "weak".

My mum made chicken and bird's nest soup for me last night. But of course, all of us got to enjoy it, K, myself, and my parents.

===============
Anecdote #1

Indian doc: Were you feeling very angry over something?
Me: No
Doc: Were you feeling very excited over something?
Me: No
Doc: Were you feeling an emotional high such that you could have fainted?
Me: Huh??? I was just having porridge for lunch in my kitchen. How high can that make me feel?

===============
Anecdote #2

Senior Chinese doc: So you fainted while having lunch.
Me: Ya, I was having porridge and then I felt faint, so I lay my head on the table.
Doc: Wah, don't tell me that porridge tasted so awful! hahaha
Me: Hahaa

===============
Anecdote #3

I was under a "fall precaution" status and had to be accompanied to the toilet at all times. Surprisingly, I didn't find it all that difficult to pee in front of a complete stranger. She somehow made me feel so at ease I could even chat with her while peeing.

Me: I'm supposed to collect my pee in this cup ah?
Sweet Malay nurse: Ya, just pee in there then I will help you pour into the two small containers.
Me: Okok.....So how long have you been working here?
Nurse: Oh 6 years already. Damn long.
Me: *pees* Ya, quite long but you still seem to enjoy your work. That's good what. Hmm, kind of weird talking to you while peeing.
Nurse: Oh nevermind lah, nice to have someone to talk to.
Me: Haha ok. Nah, here's my cup. Err, sorry the container's a little wet. Wait, let me wipe it first....

Bo-Geh

The last time I ever did an extraction was 2 decades ago I think. This morning I just went for a procedure at the CGH dental clinic. Was quite nervous.

I thank god no surgery was needed. The dentist, let's call him DG for short, did a good job. But it did take him 15-20mins just to yank the whole tooth out. As my tooth was cracked into half, he took out each half on their own.

I could feel the twisting, pulling, yanking. He was really using quite abit of force and his hand was trembling with the exertion. I was praying that his hand wouldn't slip or the tool he was using wouldn't slip from his hand and pierce my gum or something.

It didn't help my nervousness that the nurse wasn't a very experienced one. He asked for an "R3" tool. She came back with a wrong tool.

But DG was nice and knowing that I ws nervous (I told him so earlier on), he kept reassuring me and said things like "You're doing good Michelle", "That's good Michelle, you're holding up well", "Very good Michelle".

He was even hummng a song towards the end of the procedure. Nice touch.

I didn't expect to meet anyone at CGH. At least not with my half numb tongue, half numb lips, slurry speech, salivating mouth, lopsided smile. But I happened to meet my friend's sister and her mum. Alamak, no choice but to say hi, albeit with a freakish smile and retarded speech. :(

=================
So now, about 2 hours after the 2 anaesthesia jabs I had, part of my mouth remains a little numb. So is half my tongue.

I am still bleeding and have changed gauzes twice already. I can't really have my lunch yet till it stops bleeding somewhat. Hopefully soon.

I'm taking anti-malaria pills, once a day from 19 Oct till 27 Nov. And now I have to take more pills for anti-inflammation for this extraction. I don't like having so much medication in me. Slows me down I think. And I feel nuah.

As the anaesthesia wears off slowly, I can feel growing discomfort and aches where my tooth once was. I am still salivating quite abit and this gauze is getting bloody again. @#$#%$^%$

upset

Going for my annual heart check-up never fails to make me feel depressed, frustrated and somewhat angry.

My appointment was at 940am. I went early and completed all admin procedures by 930am. The doc only came in at 10am. WTF. And I ended up waiting till 1030 before it was my turn as there were 3 people before me. I was out of his room within 5 mins. And I had to pay $80 for the consultation.

And I was delivered a not-so-good piece of news today. My bad cholesterol level is quite high. WTF. It was fine in February with my good cholesterol still at levels way above my bad cholesterol. The last few months have just screwed everything up and now I have put on 2kg and my bad cholesterol is way higher than my good cholesterol.

Upset.
Turning 30 seems to have brought me a host of not-so-nice things. Maybe I should just become a vegetarian.

DAY ONE – 22 October 2011 “D” Day

Whenever I travel overseas on business trips, I usually try to jot down notes about the country or city I am visiting, especially if it’s a location I think I won’t ever be able to go back to again. Oh well, for posterity’s sake. :)

This trip to the city of Dakar in Senegal has been an….um….interesting one so far. A lot of firsts.

Journey There and Dakar Airport
We took the Singapore-Paris-Dakar route. It was a tiring 13-hour trip from Singapore to Paris. Largely because I didn’t manage to sleep well. I caught 3 shows: Bridesmaids, The Beaver and Something Borrowed. There was a 9-hour layover in Paris and we ended up catching the train out to Paris city centre for lunch before rushing back to the airport for our flight. I’m proud to say I was the “tour guide” and led the way hehe. Well. Let’s just say that even when we got a little lost, I was still the one who asked for directions okay.

Flight from Paris to Dakar was…sigh. I was sitting next to this black guy who was tall and gangly and either kept poking me with his elbow or brushing his biceps against my shoulder. Did I mention he somehow managed to kick me twice during dinner? Though how he did it I don’t know cos we were sitting side by side. If you figure it out, let me know okay? Oh yah, did I mention he was an extremely fidgety guy?

And then voila, we reached Dakar. There was no aerobridge and we disembarked via a flight of rickety metal stairs. The first thing that struck me was how humid it was, considering I’d just come from a cold airplane. The second thing that struck me was that the Senegalese were very tall people. Tall. And very dark skinned.

We boarded a bus, and then had a 30-second bus ride to the terminal. Err…nice.

And then the long wait began for immigration procedures. WTF. I never knew there were that many people who went to Senegal. There were easily 200 people there? Many were French. And only a handful of us were there for the conference.

After the loooong immigration process came baggage collection. We stepped out of the immigration area…and were suddenly caught by the small size of the place (think Batam or Bintan immigration)….and the throngs of Senegalese men there. Quite chaotic. You’d walk a few steps and have a guy approach you.

“Bonjour! Welcome! Japan? China? Thailand? Where your luggage? I help you carry!” OR “Taxi? Need taxi?” OR “Hello. Hello! What hotel? Where? I bring you!”

There’s zero security at the airport. Come on, how the hell do these guys get INTO the baggage collection area?? I thought this was a restricted area in ALL countries leh! I wished to say “Bugger Off” but of course I couldn’t. A smile and a firm “no” seemed to be the better option.

And it was equally chaotic outside the airport. Even worse actually. I’m really glad the conference organisers provided free shuttle for all delegates.

Hotel
At this point, I’d like to refresh your memory. I titled this post with <<“D” Day>>. Know what the capital “D” stands for? Well, it stands for “Disappointing.”

After a 27 hour journey plus another 3hours to clear customs, travel, get to the hotel and complete check-in, all you really want is a nice room to rest in. The room was a letdown.

There was no complimentary water and no TV (although there was a TV bracket). There was a musty smell in the room, one of the lights in the washroom was broken, the table could not be used because the surface was really dirty (I have no idea what the stains were…bird shit? Lizard shit?)..the extra blanket could not be used too because there were quite a few strands of someone else’s hair, a Caucasian lady’s hair.

There were 2 safes but both were not working. The WIFI sucked, it was only available in the hotel lobby but I could not get onto the network. And then the worst thing of all is that my mobile cannot work here in Senegal. $%^^%&#@% M1 should look into having a telco partner here especially since both SingTel and StarHub already have partners here.

There was also a mosquito net covering the bed. An interesting experience since I’ve never ever slept within a net before.

Cute Taxi Uncle

I had an interesting taxi ride this morning getting from SGH back to my office.

Upon learning that I had just gotten married, the taxi uncle gave me a mini tutorial on how to get pregnant and how to raise kids. So according to wise Uncle....

• The best time to conceive is to between 5pm - 7pm in the evening because that's when the guy's sperm is the most active and potent and when the female's ovaries/eggs are the most "cooperative".


• The way to get smart kids is to start rubbing your tummy every night, after you know you're expecting. Start talking to the foetus and reciting the alphabet to it as well as counting from 1 to 100. From 5 to 6 months onwards, start reading bedtime stories to it. From 7 months onwards, decide for your baby if you want him or her to be a doctore next time or lawyer or whatever profession....then start readng it chapters of text related to those professions......


• There are 3 important points to note when bringing up your child and especially when they start schooling: Encourage, Motivate and Incentivise. Incentivisation is best int he form of cash but not directly to the child for spending but credited into a bank account for the child as savings for his/her future.

As a parting shot, Uncle told me to work hard and try hard!! For a child that is....
And that one day if we meet again, and I was pregnant or had kids already, I should give him an angpow for his good advice.

I didn't tell him that I needed to concentrate on getting my traditional wedding ceremony over with first. Lol....

argh.

Amazing.

I don't drive. I went by public transport to SGH for my blood test this morning, had a leisurely breakfast after that and then went back to office. I reached office at 935am.

And I was still earlier than both the other two male colleagues. One came in at 945 and the other at 1015am.

Seriously. WTF?

Why are they getting more but are in office for less?

snippets

I've been busy. With this and that.
And since my last post, I'm now a Mrs. :)

===========
Things at work will get busier in the next few weeks and months. The new staff working with me on a particular project has been swarming me with emails on her work done. I don't enough time to go through her work!

Things outside of work will get busier too. Medical check-ups and appointments, friends, festive occassions, family (now two), gatherings, and so on.

I hope my mind can function efficiently and effectively. More chicken essence?

===========
I need a dress for PQ's wedding dinner. But I don't have much time left to go look for one!
*frets*

Am half-considering whether to go make a cheongsam in Chinatown or not lol.

===========
I shall make it a point to have smaller dinners as far as possible.

I've come to realise a heavy dinner makes you bloated the next morning and the bloatedness just carries on through the day...so yeah, will try to have smaller dinners from now on.

===========
Went to watch Real Steel the other day with K. Awesome show!!

It's been a long while since a movie has kept my eyes glued on the screen the whole way through. The other shows I've watched recently were boring or cliched. Real Steel was great! And it helped that Hugh Jackman was the lead actor hahaha.

Go away!

I used to be able to adopt a "Mind Over Body" attitude a few years back and "battle" impending sicknesses like fevers, coughs, colds, etc. Of course, I'd watch my diet and drink lots of water at the same time too. Most of the time, I'd emerge victorious.

These days, my mind-over-body mantra doesn't seem to work anymore though. Bleah.

Scratchy throat, slight cough and weak stomach have come a-knocking. Trying to hold the door fast shut against them!!

She

Strands of grey and white wispy hair framed her face.
95 and a half years worth of lines creased her face, some furrowing across her forehead, some extending from the corners of her eyes, some cutting across her cheeks, others bracketing her mouth.
Brown liver spots dotted her face, some darker, other lighter, some bigger, others smaller.
Both cheeks sagged a little as if weighed down by the leathery skin covering them.
Her chest rose slightly with each breath she took.

I watched her for a little while. Snuggled up under her white blanket, lying on her side in a near-foetal position, with both hands under her head and knees drawn up towards the chest.

I touched her forehead and pushed away the strands of hair there.
I tried to smoothen the furrows on her forehead but it was as if she was pondering deeply over something even in her sleep.

Finally, she sensed that someone was there and opened her eyes. And then.
Confusion in her eyes for a split second before recognition set in.

She smiled at me. And reached out to me.

I love you Granny.

To My Dear Tooth

Please hang in there and don't bring me any pain or discomfort...It's only 1.5 months more. I'm sure you can be a good tooth and stay strong till 9th November. I promise you'll only need to stay with me till then. When the doctors pluck you out, I'll remember that you've served me well over the last 2 decades.

Till here.

laments (again)

Increasing frustration with an admin staff. I hope I don't lose my patience anytime soon.

- she talks loudly and laughs alot in the office and is not serious when she needs to.
- she sometimes gives me half-baked work when I ask her for something

And....

- she sent an email to my hotmail account. the email had external parties on it. #%^%$#%3

Greedy Hammie

This brough a big smile to my face too!

Mid-Afternoon Comic Relief

I thought this was really quite funny... haha

......

There is something a little surreal about seeing friends around me having babies. Although some of their kids are already toddlers, I still feel a little strange about it.

It's kinda like hey, we used to grow up acting silly, burping in front of each other, being geeky and gawky and goofy with each other and now, they're parents.

*Disconnect*

Hmm....

The "YAY!!" stuff

I had a good run yesterday. For some reason, although the air felt a little heavy and still (cos of the haze?), I ran better yesterday compared to Monday. Maybe running and thinking about things at the same time makes me run better? haha...

Building up stamina again! Whee!!

=============
I've been doing some simple research on making my own wrist corsages and making ribbon roses. :) I remember when I was younger and would spend alot of time making cards and little gifts for friends and loved ones, especially during birthdays, Valentine's Day or other festive occasions. But I've grown lazy and not done so for the last couple of years except for the odd craft or two.

So I'm looking forward to piecing together my first wrist corsage! Haha hopefully it'll look decent enough. And hopefully I'll create a nice design in time for the sisters next year. :D

Whee!! Time to go Spotlight to buy materials!!
More ribbons, hot glue and glue gun, beads and other stuff!!

=============
Today will be a "running errands" day. After my trip to the hair salon later, I still need to go to the pharmacy to get the prescribed acne gel, pay my credit card bills (boooo....) and then collect my new passport...

Hopefully after that...I can get the chance to pop by H&M!!! :D *loves*
I wonder how the prices are compared to the outlets in Europe.

And then it's off to Spotlight after that!!! Wheeeee! :D *loves too*

Sigh...part 2

Speaking of acne. I don't have very good skin and it's been so since my teenage years. But even during that time, I don't recall having acne or so many bumps on the skin. It was random pimples on the T-zone area, typically of most kids growing up.

Signs of acne rash first occurred in Feb/Mar this year. I was told it could be due to hormonal changes in the body and was prescribed some cream to prevent the itch and rsh from spreading. It got better but came back on and on/off basis. It gets worse in the 1-2 weeks prior to me having my menses. (I hate my hormones!!)

The acne occurs mainly on the jawline area below the ears, papular acne (reddish and swollen bumps) is accumulating there and whiteheads are occuring there as well and along other parts of the jawline. :(

Went to the polyclinic earlier this morning to get some cream and a referral letter to see a dermatologist at the hospital......

Till further updates after I see the derm doctor.....

OHHH!!! The woes of a 30 year old.
Saggy skin, cellulite, acne, love handles, flabby areas....!! I feel like I am back to my teenage years, fretting over skin and weight!

p/s: I hope some of the acne clears by the ROM!!

Sigh...

Since I was a child, I'd visit the hospital or some medical institution at least once or twice a year. Well, maybe for the period of time between 1995 to 2002 I didn't really need to go. Then 2005 came and monthly or bi-weekly visits to the hospital were the norm for that year right through till early 2006.

And then it was back to yearly follow-ups, check-ups, etc.

It's gonna be a "xian" time for the next few months again with check-ups and follow-ups. Pocket's gonna get a big hole again.

21 Sept PM - Acne/Derma issue, CGH Dermatology Clinic
18 Oct AM - Blood test, National Heart Centre
2 Nov AM - Yearly checkup + ECG, National Heart Centre
9 Nov AM - Dental extraction, CGH Dental Clinic

Easily $600-1000 might be spent. -_-'' I can go HK or BKK for a holiday with that amount of money leh.

To those who have been strong and healthy all this while. Please continue taking good care of yourself and stay strong!!

uggggh

no respect for people who do not bother to do a good and proper job when it's for matters not relating to their own projects.

today is wednesday. but it feels like a blue monday.

Waka Waka Eh Eh...

I'm really going to Senegal in October for a week. Not looking forward to it actually. Abit leychey.
Went for 3 jabs yesterday at Tan Tock Seng Hospital for my Hep A part 2, tetanus and meningococcal (meningitis) vaccines.

I still need to go see my GP to get anti-malaria pills.

The only bright spark is that I will be flying there via Paris. I have a 9-hour layover in Paris and I get to practice my French! Wonder if I can get out of the airport and walk around for awhile in town. Need to plan hmm...

:)

Voila! Dress and suit chosen, ring pillow bought, dress shoes bought. All that's left for the ROM is to confirm the food menu and to collect the certificates!

Currently exploring the making of wrist corsages though these would be for the actual day. I've got existing materials that I can use to make an initial one just to see how it turns out to be. :) It helps to have a drawer full of art and craft materials hehe.

Art and craft time!!

verbal diarrhoea

I was angry and frustrated last night because I was sort of chided by my boss for being late in handing in a simple piece of work. Explained to him that I was already done with it last week but was pending my colleague for his input (which was probably going to be just one or two paragraphs only).

I am still feeling frustrated this morning.

===============
Open letter to HC.

It's only a simple paragraph or two. Why do you need to drag it for so long? The deadline I gave you was last Friday. I've reminded you a few times since last week and even at the start of this week. I reminded you again yesterday to hand in your portion to me since you were not going to be in office the whole of today. You said yes and that you'd send it to me last night.

YOU HAVE NOT SENT ME ANYTHING AT ALL AS AT 945AM THIS MORNING.

It's not the first time you are doing this. If we're working on a project and you fall short of completing your portion of things, I come in to plug the gap because I don't want the whole project to end up being a slipshod effort. Just don't take it for granted that I will always do so.

I've been patient for a long time. The rest of us have been patient for a long time. How long more do you want us to cover your ass for you? There is seriously a f**king limit to what and how long more we can tolerate your lack of urgency, your lack of organisation skills, your lack of concern, you lack of admnistrative skills and your whatever.

If you want to go down, don't drag us with you. Because of your delays, you make it seem as if we're the incompetent ones. I don't deny you're a smart guy. But wtf?? Can you please get your act together??? 不要拖累我们.

Ugh.

Talking to....My Feet

I never got to own a pair of Converse shoes. I remember bugging my mum for a pair when I was in secondary school but I always ended up with BM2000 shoes from Bata.

Lately, the thought of having a pair of Converse shoes has resurfaced. :)

I went to the store two days ago and saw a grey pair and an army green pair which I liked.
Hmm....to get or not to get....

============
On the prowl now for a pair of suitable heels to match the ROM dress.

Yes, I've chosen the dress already. A short, simple one with little lace flowers on the tube bodice.
I think I look like a little girl in the dress though....sigh. Didn't quite turn out to be the slightly more sophisticated look I was hoping for...

============
My bunions have been acting up the last few days.

I'd start off okay in the morning but by the time I reach Tampines at the end of the day and walk home, my bunions and toes would bring me much aches and discomfort. :( Bleah

quick updates?

Bought a new top the other day. As usual, the granny (yes, granny, not auntie) in me surfaced.
I'm looking at it now. Darn it looks granny-like.

===========
Teleconference at 8pm tomorrow night with folks from the States. Not liking it.

===========
Aching bunions and toes from shopping in heels. Not liking it. Got distracted and forgot that I wanted to look for a ring pillow too.

===========
Menses almost over and is in trickles now. Yay! Skin is clearing up too. The older I get, the more the hormones act up and the skin suffers as a result. Bleah.

===========
Two guys just told me today that I am getting "bah bah". Arms getting bigger and flabbier.
NOT liking this. :( Sigh.........

===========
I think I am not getting enough sleep. 'Nuff said.

===========
Ok, to bed I will go.

===========
Now.

===========
Good night world.

YAY!

H&M has finally opened in Singapore!! I should find a time one day and go scour the whole store!!
Wheee!!

Jackson

I heard Robbie Williams' "Better Man" on the radio earlier tonight. I love the song for its sincerity and down-to-earth feel. And of course Robbie's voice is just so lovely in this song.

This song never fails to remind me of Jackson as well.

I first met Jackson back in 2004. A long time back come to think of it. We were at a BBQ and at that time, the first Singapore Idol was in its auditions stage. Jackson loved singing and he was keen to participate in the auditions. He wanted to sing "Better Man" for the auditions and gathered a bunch of us together so that he could sing to us and have us critique his singing. For a tall, big and heavy guy, he was quite shy initially as he cleared his throat and prepared to sing. He then stood on a stone bench and sang his heart out.

I remember thinking, his voice was average, just like any other man on the street. But he was eager and earnest and sincere and I gave him brownie points just for those attributes. I kept my comments to myself though for it was only my first time meeting him and I did not want to say anything wrong especially when I had heard some bits of his background.

Jackson went through a hard period sometime back in his life and grew a little mentally unstable as a result. There were times when he would suddenly disappear for a few weeks and we'd hear that he had heard voices in his head and so he took to hiding under a table in the church nearest his home. Or we'd hear that he refused to take his medication and hence his temper became volatile again and he hit his father at home. Stuff like these.

But he was still a good guy at heart. Eager to learn about life and love and people. Sometimes innocent and naive too. He would get all silly and romantic and write poems. He would get philosophical and ask questions that no one found easy to answer like what is love, what do you think love encompasses, what is the most important lesson life has taught you so far, etc...

We got along alright. Whenever we met at gatherings, he'd come greet me enthusiastically. I suspect he had a soft spot for me haha. Sometimes people didn't really talk to him and he'd end up in a corner either drinking or stonigng or staring into space. I would go over to talk to him or keep him company for awhile so he wouldn't feel so left out and I think he appreciated that.

I lost touch with him since early 2009 though. But he was in my Facebook and I'd occassionally see him post a cryptic message or two in his status or he'd post up one of two of his poems.

He suddenly messaged me through Facebook a few days ago. I usually keep myself on an offline status but for some reason that day I accidentally allowed myself to be available for an FB chat and then he messaged me.

He sounded happy and more at peace and I felt happy for him too. He said he no longer hung out with that group of friends and now had a whole new circle of friends. When I asked him why, he said that he had found that he could not really fit in with the old group of friends due to differences in mindsets and values and hence decided to keep away. He found himself a new social circle and was feeling happier with them. He'd also had some of poems published in the newsletter of the rehabilitation centre he was with.

Jackson asked me too, what do you think love is about? I was at work and did not have the bandwidth to mull over such a question. I answered off the top of my head and I told him I thought love was about patience, understanding, compromise and emphathy, amongst other things. He seemed to be satisfied with my reply and agreed with me too haha.

We talked for just a little while more before I had to end the conversation. Before we said our virtual goodbyes, he said he was glad to have known me. I was a sincere and real person he said, not some fake-o with a not-so-good heart. I thought it was sweet of him to make such a comment lol.

Stay happy Jackson. And stay true to yourself and continue doing what you like best.
Take care. :)