Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Rant time....

There were several times when I wanted to rebutt some comments online. But I held myself back. I didn't want to get embroiled in any arguments with people who are already biased against the G.

Too many keyboard warriors these days. Complaining about everything and how the government is not doing enough to handle the Covid-19 situation in Singapore. Commenting that the government is silly and should have done this and that from the start. Remarking that the government is only interested in making money and keeping the economy going. Grousing that the government should be doing a lockdown.

Hello. You guys are so smart, then you go and run a country lah. You're having a really micro view and may not be able to see other causalities, impacts and intricacies involved. You think implementing a full lockdown is so easy? Do you even know how many people will be affected? Do you really think running a country can be based on knee-jerk reactions with little heed for forword planning, managing livelihoods, keeping ground sentiments calm and steady, and still keeping things under control? Do you even know what goes on behind the scenes to keep brats like you safe?

Stuff that people are trying to stir shit on:

  1. The G is spending alot of taxpayers' money to house SHN folks at 5-star hotels. Why cannot put them in dormitories and chalets and Hotel81/Fragrance budget hotels? - More than 7,500 rooms have been blocked out. How many dormitories and budget hotel rooms can meet that requirement? Chalets and such type of bungalows also don't have single rooms (with attached bathrooms) to isolate each SHN individual. Bigger hotel chains also come with a battalion of background support staff to help take care of these SHN people. I think it's a win-win to keep these staff employed, keep the hotels going, and also provide enough amenities to ensure the safety of the SHN people and the support staff!
  2. The G is silly to not be closing schools, when other countries have done so - What works for another country may not work for us...if all schools are closed, what happens to the kids? Childcare issues? Not everyone can work from home, not everyone draws a monthly salary, some are daily-rated and some are trying to make ends meet. As it is, with HBL being implemented one a day a week now, the G is ramping up for the day we really need to go full blown HBL if schools close. The possibility is there, the plans are there, we just need to get people ready and do drills for now. So that there's no last minute hectic and panicked scrambles to get everything ready when the time calls for full HBL to happen. Step by step also prepares the public mentally, believe it or not. 
  3. The G is silly not to do a lockdown, when other countries have done so - same thing, what works for another country may not work for us. Many livelihoods will be affected, if the G comes out to give them $$ to support, then they will get lambasted again for using taxpayers' money indiscriminately. Full lockdown and economy goes zero? The who gets the blame? The G again? Full lockdown and our food sources how? Are Singaporeans prepared to handle a lockdown mentally and emotionally? Change to dorscon orange people already panic and toilet paper had a shortage for awhile. Implement a lockdown and people are just gonna into a state of constant panic...it's a "damned if i don't, lagi damned if i do" situation for the G. So many considerations. 

#SGUnited

Come on folks. We can do better than this right? Instead of being so negative and bashing the G every single chance you've got, can't you just support them and the frontliners' efforts? Really, I cannot imagine the immense pressure the government, and all the frontliners are facing...and my respect goes out to all the educators and childcare providers too...who are still helping the population educate and care for our kids. As well as the delivery riders...the transport operators...and food stall operators...and...all our essential service providers....

Friday, March 27, 2020

WFH

Lunch was yummy yesterday.
Pumpkin porridge with minced meat seasoned with soy sauce and oyster sauce.

I think...I'll have that today again...:)  Light on the stomach, nutritious and yummy!

I love working from home...:)
Cos I get to settle my own simple meals...and I get to shower when I want to...and I get to poo in peace HAHA....

Only thing is I don't have a proper workdesk...so I sit on my bed with my laptop propped on a small portable breakfast-in-bed table thingy from IKEA...makes my neck ache afterwhile....

SM

That's my designation in office.

I found a new meaning to SM this morning. Silly Mama.

I brought Alyssa to school....and at the security post, the uncle told me. "今天kindergarten好像没有开对吗? 他们说要装修还是什么....."

*FACEPALM*

Yes....I completely forgot about it.
Distracted with work, Nadya's school stuff, the constant notifications and updates from enrichment centres and work chat groups (due to half of the team working from home), and K being at reservist this week...The school had actually given us notification 1 or 2 weeks prior that they would be closed today for some minor works to be done to some of the school premises.

And so there I was...
Carrying her school bag, and planning to take the bus back after dropping her off.

And so there she was...
holding a bag of small muffins for breakfast, and clad in her school uniform with a ponytail, and looking at me with her big eyes wondering what happened.

"Why Mama? What did the uncle say? What happened?"

LOL....I couldn't help but laugh at my silliness and the ridiculousness of the situation.
I explained and apologised to Alyssa and the sweet girl said "It's ok Mama". She held my hand and gave me 2 sweet pecks on back of my hand.

Called inlaws for rescue....lol....FIL came to pick us up and while waiting for them to come, we had our breakfast sitting at the taxi stand at Paya Lebar Square...

Alyssa will be spending the day at inlaws' place again today. I can't take care of her at home cos I need to settle work.....It's her 3rd day there this week...:D First 2 days on Tues & Wed were due to her being sick and having stomach discomfort...

Of goodbyes, bugs and others...

Chapter 1: Bye 

On 18 Mar, I threw away the Stevia...it gradually got more and more brown leaves over the last 2-3 months and dropped many leaves. It came to me in mid December with a full bushy head of leaves. It ended up as a pretty bald and brown plant...dunno why also...:(

On 18 Mar, I also threw away the asparagus fern...it was one of my fav plants...:( It got infected with mealybugs. Dunno how also....:( My guess is that it was already infected at the nursery. There were too many of them and I couldn't get rid of them fully due to the plant's structure of stems and leaves. Silly me didn't explore using neem oil and homemade insecticide yet at that point...I threw the whole pot away lest it affect the other plants near it.

====================
Chapter 2: Bugs...oh the horror

On 23 or 24 Mar....to my horror, I discovered that the water plum bonsai my FIL gave me....had some mealybugs on it. They were found on the seed pods, and some new flower buds. I was wondering why the plant had stopped flowering for a few weeks when it previously had at least 1-2 flowers at any point in time! And I was wondering why some leaves were turning yellow....now i know why....

I was somewhat upset. It was a prized plant and my virgin bonsai pot...Luckily the infestation was only in the early stages, I think...and whatever little bugs I could see that day, I cleaned off with water and squashed the bugs with a tissue. I'm checking the plant each day now and there seems to be only 1 bug or 2 that I see each day, which is good.

I did some research and will be getting neem oil from a colleague and making my own pesticide to get rid of whatever remaining bugs there might be.

OFF WITH YOU MEALYBUGS! LEAVE MY PLANT ALONE!

====================
Chapter 3: In other news....

I've been working from home this entire week and got a colleague in office to help spray my 3 Tillandsias, and a small pot of moss rose. I hope they are surviving well...Supposed to be back to office next Monday...fingers crossed they are still doing ok!

For some reason, I kill succulents alot although they are supposed to be sibei easy to care for. But there's a pot of succulent at home that surprisingly, has survived for at least 6 months already. I also lost count of when I actually got it because I didn't pay much attention to it as I thought it would die pretty fast. Anyway, happy it's still surviving lol!

Indian Borage is growing wild and rampantly...I've 3 pots of it again....and given away enough cuttings to colleagues and friends to make at least 3-4 pots.

Aloes are sprouting like nobody's business too..I don't know what to do with so many pots of aloe vera hmmm....

The mosquito plant didn't survive after a year plus...K planted one scraggly cutting into a pot...it's barely surviving and half of it is green...but it still smells lovely.

The local pomegranate is pretty ok...but it alternates between on the brink of death and suddenly sprouting many new shoots....half of the plant is dead though....many dead branches that have no new shoot whatsoever.

The Spanish pomegranate somehow grew more last year....but is tall and scraggly....not sure what to do with it also....

Foxtail fern is doing ok and it grew out 1 or 2 new shoots so that's going pretty good :)

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Mum guilt


For having made the small one cry this morning because she was being uncooperative and refusing to brush her teeth....and the clock was ticking.

For having made the big one cry last night before bed time because she was being difficult and whiny and grouchy.

For maybe I could be better. 
For maybe I'm not doing enough to guide them. 
For maybe I'm not being a good enough influence on them.
For all the ways I am lacking. 

==========
But I'm trying. 
Sometimes blindly trying but trying nevertheless. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

School Hols - Part 2

Nadya woke up all bright and chirpy today.
What a stark contrast to her usual school day "morning face".

It's her first taste ever of having a school holiday and I think she likes it pretty much so far.
She'll be at after school care everyday and they have some sort of a food/cooking theme for this week....

Heard from a friend that they made salad at the centre yesterday...let's see what Nadya brings back this evening....

School Hols - Part 1: Kidstop and Sushi Express

Brought the girls to Kidstop yesterday as it was Nadya's first day of the March school holidays.
We made Alyssa "ponteng" school so she could join in on the outing haha.

The place was smaller than I expected but it was pretty fun for me. I liked the things there...though some of the audio were a little loud for me.

Unfortunately....the 2 girls were pretty grouchy and rejected many stations...they didn't even allow me to try some of the stations that I was interested in and dragged me away...

I was bummed that the baby chicks station was under maintenance though. That's the only thing I remember (and my most favourite moment obviously!) from visiting the Science Centre all of 30 years ago....

The only 2 stations they were willing to partake in was (1) an interactive digital station where you could "colour" your own fishes, dolphins, turtles and sharks via a touchscreen, save it and have it show up on the screen/wall behind the station, and (2) the sandpit area where you can "dig for" and "unearth" dinosaur bones like an archeologist....

Oh well, luckily the tickets weren't too expensive....:)

Alyssa is recently in love with PLQ and always asked to go there so we brought them there after Kidstop. Nadya is in love with Sushi Express and so we went there for lunch. She was so excited and kept teaching K & I how to take hot green tea, where to get the chopsticks, soy sauce and plates from, how to get the food off the conveyor belt, how to return the sushi covers, etc.

I just realised how much Alyssa loves octopus sushi...never knew she was so into chewy food...Nadya was so into the crabstick sushi...I lost track of how many she had...K as usual....had at least 12-15 plates on his own I think...

I was a little underwhelmed by the place though...they didn't have any hot stuff like chawanmushi or miso soup or any other sides...which was a bummer for me...

Thursday, March 12, 2020

Whiff

Fascinating how our 5 senses work....sight, touch, taste, hearing and smell...

Doubly fascinating how just one small whiff of a passing fragrance evoked some memories in me this morning. Walked past a guy who was using CK One.

And it immediately transported me back to 2002. A long forgotten memory. But it was of an interesting and fun and exciting time.

Of when I had just graduated from NTU and was working as a management trainee in a mens' clothing retailer. (side note, I was more like a high-class salesgirl actually). A colleague and I were stationed at the Takashimaya department store where our line had a small area in the mens' clothing section. Right next to us was a Calvin Klein fragrances pop-up, it was manned by 2 young boys daily and the 4 of us grew quite close since there wasn't much customers to begin with.

Some harmless flirting here and there. One of the boys (who was 3 years younger and looked like Zai Zai from F4) had a crush on me and sometimes he would send me home if we got off work at the same time. He stayed in Bedok and would bother to send me back by train and walk me home from Tampines MRT, before making his way back. On hindsight, quite 感动 actually haha.

The guys would be in black shirt and black pants everyday, my colleague and I would be in a white or blue top everyday with black pants.

AND.

The 4 of us had a free flow of CK One to put on everyday LOL...
That citrusy scent is still one of my favs...I had a whole bunch of samples of the various CK fragrances too...I kept a bunch of those little litmus-paper-like pieces in my bag too....so that my bag would smell nice everyday when I opened it lol...

Ah those young and carefree days...:)
Fun and exciting....:)

Monday, March 09, 2020

Breathe......

The last time I was involved in a presentation to a Minister was in Jan 2018. And that was to a very nice Minister who had a friendly and grandfatherly disposition. He seldom bit and even if he did, it was in a gentle manner. Prior to 2018, the only other time I had to be in a presentation/session with a Minister was WAY back in 2008.

I need to be in a session with the current Minister this afternoon. My boss is presenting but if he gets stuck with any question, then he'll look to me to respond. Fingers crossed that it doesn't get to this.

A little nervous because this Minister's is more imposing and has a reputation for being rather no-nonsense and hard-driving.

Jiayou Michelle...!
You can do this...!
Breathe...

Thankful


  • I'm able-bodied.
  • I have a roof over my head and food on the table. 
  • I have K and the girls to nourish my heart. 
  • Parents on both sides are doing good and independent enough, though petty ailments bother them here and there.
  • I have an understanding and flexible boss. 
  • I have good friends. We may not see of speak to each other often enough but I know they have my back. 
  • I have a helper. 
  • I have hobbies and stuff I am interested in. 
  • I have good friends at work who are on my side. 
Reminder. 
To self. 

Friday, March 06, 2020

thicker skin

I should learn to have thicker skin.

Thicker skin to taiji.
Thicker skin to buat bodoh.
Thicker skin to push things away.

The Coll

Caught me in a bad time.
Ruffled my feathers.

She created an issue, which is affecting my work and my partners. I'm giving her a timeline for her to cough up staff to settle the issue. Said she's understaffed and wants me to push back my timeline.
Nabeh. Laoniang is a one-woman operation but I'm still volunteering to step in and get my hands dirty to help settle this issue and you give me this nonsense?

Breathe.....Cool down....

Like what DC said....don't shoot email when you're angry....

Breathe.......

Memories...Music...

I fell out of listening to Mandopop sometime in 2010/2011 and even more so after I shifted out of my parents' place in 2012.

After listening to a playlist this morning hwile working....I've come to realise many of the Mandopop songs of my era evoke a strange bitterweet feeling in me. Myriad emotions.

Sadness. Happiness. Good memories. Bad memories. Hurtful memories. Sweet memories. Nostalgia. My life from 2000 to 2010. Bits and pieces from that decade suddenly flood my mind. Mostly from the mid 2000-s. Friends who are no longer in my circle but who were once a big part of my life and who I saw everyday or every weekend. Those carefree days. The underlying sentimental notes. The angst and confusion I felt in that stage of life. The clubbing. The medical checkups. The medication for 1.5years. The travelling. The coming of age. The bravado I had. The confidence and also lack of. The energy. The zest. The socials.

Thankful for my parents who have been a constant. And the friends who are constants too.

I should stop living in the past? Hmm.

Who's on this morning?
Sun Yan Zi
Xu Shao Yang
May Day
David Tao
Zhou Hui
Fish Leong
Xu Shao Han
Elva Hsiao
SHE
Jolin Tsai
Tao Jing Ying
Faye Wong
Jay Chou
Tanya Chua

Thursday, March 05, 2020

Alan Walker

Recently discovered Alan Walker's music and I'm loving it...I think most folks would have heard of Faded before but maybe the rest of his works are less known.

He's been accompanying me while I'm working these 2 days.

Guess I'm into EDM too lol...
Together with kpop, and some old Chinese pop, and some jazz, and some piano/guitar, and some oldies from the 50s, 60s, 70s....strange tastes? I dunno...:)

Peanut

Working from home today as I've a medial appointment this afternoon and it's just easier to commute to the hospital from home than from office.

On days like this when I work home, K sends Alyssa to her childcare...I said bye to her at the door this morning and she was so reluctant to leave me.

She hugged me tightly several times and seemed genuinely sad to say bye to me...She leaned in several times to say this little mantra that we say to each other in the mornings when she leaves for school and at night before bed...

I wanted to keep her in my arms for as long as possible too...but couldn't drag it out too much.
That little pretty but sad face kinda broke my heart a little so early in the morning....

I miss her.

Circles

My boss has always been pretty open with me...he shares confidential stuff with me, sometimes personal stuff as well. I'm not sure if he's like that with others as well (I think he is) but I appreciate that he does share things with me. 

He recently shared with me that he's putting up DC for promotion in the upcoming promotion cycle in April/May. It's well deserved I think and I am truly happy for DC, who happens to be a close friend too. Or at least, someone I like and respect and am comfortable working with. 

We spoke briefly on some other team leads. It was mostly surface talk as we didn't have much time that day and it was also in an open area. 

In the wake of all this...some measure of self-doubt has crept in again...lack of confidence and self-doubt of what I can do or cannot, what I'm good at, what I'm lacking in, what am i contributing (or not) to the team, what am I doing right now in my life, what more can I do, what do I need to do, what should I do at home, am I doing things right, am I taking the right approaches in life and work, do I need to do more and if so, what? 

And the list goes on...one of those times where thoughts flow in a continuous circle...just spiralling...and I'm pulled along...ebbing and flowing...sometimes struggling to stay afloat, sometimes above it all. 

Stuck in a rut again. Some work to be done to pull myself out of it. 
Jiayou Michelle. 
Jiayou. 
Just......
Keep going....
Keep going forward....
Even if you don't know where you're headed...
Just...
Keep moving forward....

Monday, March 02, 2020

love love love

I was putting the girls to sleep on Saturday night. I stared at their faces after they fell asleep.
So sweet. So cute. So innocent.

And Alyssa is still chubby. Nadya's lost most of her chubbiness already.
Alyssa is sometimes a starfish, splayed out on her back or tummy.
Nadya's either flat on her stomach, or curled up like a foetus.

Love them so much that I feel like I'm Jekyll & Hyde personified.
One moment I feel so much love for them...then 30mins later when they're irritating the hell out of me I wonder how on earth did they come from my belly.....Lol...

Last night, one fell asleep hugging my leg. The other one fell asleep hugging my arm.
And just like that....I had to stay in position for 15-20mins till they were fully asleep...
Feels good when they snuggle in close....:)

Monday, February 24, 2020

Math....

I spent maybe an hour plus in total over the weekend flipping through Nadya's Math textbook and a P1 assessment book that we got for her last year.

Was trying to get myself acquainted with the number bonds concept and with how things are being taught these days. Also took a peek at the upcoming few chapters...I don't know if I learnt the same stuff at the age of 6 or 7....and they are so fortunate to have such pretty colourful textbooks! Don't recall having such nice textbooks last time! haha....

Math is as much about Math itself...and also about English...
Cos if you can't read for nuts and don't even understand the question, then you won't be able to solve it at all!

Marked out some questions for her to attempt in the assessment book and so far she's pretty ok with things...those were the basic stuff...

Let's see how she fares in the next couple of weeks...:)

Conversation with the 6.5yr old

And so Nadya & I have had this same conversation every evening from Monday to Friday for the last 2 weeks at least lol....

Me: So Nana, what did you have during recess today?
N: Fried noodles.
Me: Oh, thought you wanted to try chicken rice? I checked, chicken rice is at Stall 8.
N: No, I don't want.
Me: Ok....

Last Friday evening, it went slightly differently....

Me: So what did you buy during recess today?
N: Fried noodles.

And to pre-empt me from saying anything more....she went...

N: I will eat fried noodles EVERYDAY.
Me: ........


LOL...
I'll still ask her the same thing today and see what she replies with. ;p

Muahahha....must irritate her :D :D :D

============
On a separate note, I'm quite happy that she's at least buying food...:)
She went the entire month of January without buying anything and just eating whatever (not-so-healthy) snacks that I packed, except on 2 occasions. (And those were fried noodles too lol)

She's since ventured from the fried noodle stall (Stall 5) to the neighbouring stall 5 to get jelly....and also went over to the drinks stall at Stall 1 to get a packet of milo.

AND...she's gone to the bookshop on at least a few occasions too...and came home with a new eraser, a new glue stick....and a new pen with a diamond cap and rainbow ink....:)

Good lah, I hope she opens up more and gains more courage :)

Jiayou Nadya!!


Dun so emo lah!!

大姨妈要来了吗?
So emo...anything and everything makes me cry.

Read an article about someone who kicked his drug habit of 20 years and went on to start his own recovery centre to help other addicts = Cry

Read another article about a grandmother who had to single-handedly raise her 3 grandchildren after his own daughter abandoned them and ran away = Cry

Piangzzz....

几累一下...LOL....

Friday, February 21, 2020

Math

Last night, I faced my first dilemma in Nadya's primary school journey...

She had a Math "test" paper in her bag. She was supposed to complete it yesterday and return it to the teacher today. She'd done part of it in school and the rest at her student care centre.

I looked through her answers and there were several wrong ones.

My dilemma was whether to....
(1) Highlight those wrong answers to her and teach her how to get the correct answers...
or
(2) Leave them be and let her experience some small setbacks...can't be shielding her from wrong answers all the time...

Discussed with K and we ended up with the 2nd approach....
Monitor and see how...hopefully the teacher gets to explain to her how to correctly solve those questions that she got wrong.

Randomness

I never really kept track but this would be my 4,145th post on this blog...
Over a span of almost 15 years...Wonder when my 5,000th post would be?
Prolly in another 3 years?

==========
I had a good 2-3 weeks of a good tummy. I ate more I think. There were a few occasions where I felt a little bloated but all good all good...

Last night, 2 hrs after dinner, I had a bad tummyache. Had to run to the toilet after trying to tahan for 30mins (I was trying to put the girls to sleep)....
I felt spent after that session in the toilet....:(

Woke this morning with a queasy feeling, and what felt like a fragile tummy...
Felt quite tired and abit lembeh as well....
Fingers crossed that the day will go alright. And that the tummy hold up well enough

I can do this!!
I've got a briefing to a big boss at 12:45pm....
Jiayou! I can do this!!

Moral support

After a painful and somewhat traumatising time in Sept last year...ST is starting her IVF cycle again...

I truly wish her well and that everything would go according to her wishes.

Stay strong gal! 

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Why like that ah?

Why so much vitriol and malice against a certain Kee Chiu minister?

Yes, a segment of his speech at a closed-door event was leaked out. (wonder who did so)

Yes, he did speak in Singlish.

But he also presented facts and insights on how the G had to quickly decide on things and put plans into action. He made sound, reasonable explanations.

He was just code-switching. Most of us code-switch too. And for those who are vilifying him just because of his use of Singlish (which is often ostracised as the lesser, colloquial, marketplace and highly uncouth cousin of English), lighten up. The man's a smart guy, received a President's Scholarship and did his rounds in Cambridge AND MIT as well. How many of you can claim to have done so?

He tweaked his language and delivery in a manner he felt was more suited to his audience. Who are we to criticise him so badly? He got his points across, pretty succinctly too. He was frank and candid. And he did not shy away from mentioning hard truths.

I'm also pretty sure he is more than able to speak in good English.

An oppie leader in the party that wears blue is famous and popular for speaking in dialects and Singlish in his election campaigns. Not sure if he added any of it into his interjections in Parliament though (I don't quite follow politics, yes shallow me...)....but why was he not criticised? He was lauded for speaking the commoner's language. Hmm, wear white cannot speak in Singrish is it?

I'm on his side for this one.

RM

Nah, not Rap Monster from BTS....but...Running Man.
It's one of my favourite K-variety shows (the rest are I Live Alone, 2D1N and Master in the House).

I have a fan theory that popped up in my head yesterday.

In recent months and weeks, Kang Han Na and Heo Kyung Hwan have appeared on the show a couple of times as guests. This is unusual...highly unusual unless there's a specific project that RM is working on...but such projects will always be made known to the viewers....

So perhaps, there will be some members who are leaving the show? Hmm...and this is the production team's way of slowly easing the replacement members (i.e. Kang Han Na and Heo Kyung Hwan) into the picture so that fans won't jump too much or cause an uproar.

In the most recent episode which aired last week I think, there were some jokes that teased Ji Seok Jin for his age and "dispensabiilty" from the RM team...he jokingly went along with it as well and mentioned the possibility of an "early retirement" from RM.

Who knows...part of the show is scripted...it would be the production team's way of seeding such a notion to viewers that he's leaving...when the time is right...i.e. in the next couple of weeks or months, then they'll make a formal announcement?

Lol...this is just Laoniang's theory and conjecture...
Let's see how things pan out....*rubs hands in anticipation*

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Reminder to Self, Note to Self

Acceptance
Openness
Without the first time, there will be no next time
Try, and try again
Keep going
Don't be afraid
Don't focus on the effort, focus on the outcome
If things are daunting, start small and see where it takes you
Each time a win is made, celebrate it, even if it's a small win. Small wins make big wins.
No mammoth goals, small goals, bit by bit

Friday, February 14, 2020

Songs with a 6.5yr old and a 4.5yr old

Nadya came home the other night and sang this little ditty...

"Copycat, kiss the rat!
Go home let your mother slap!"

She learnt it from a kid in school...lol. I remember hearing this and learning this back in primary school too...

Wah 30 years later, this little ditty is still going strong!

===============
Other stuff the girls picked up...

"Easy peasy lemon squeezy
Chicken nugget KFC!"

(like what does that mean? Hahahah)

And there was another one about superman, batman and spiderman but I can't remember how it goes already lol....

===============
Last night....both of them were singing this particular line....
They were on repeat mode and also giggling their heads off....maybe they heard it from the radio or what....

"All the single ladies...!"

Yep, that famous line from Beyonce's song...

lol....

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Room....work....

I'm thankful that throughout my primary school, secondary school and JC I had my own room and a proper desk set up for doing work. My room was really very conducive for studying...the only distractions were my bed and the huge mirror in front of my desk...lol.

I never understood why some peers lugged their books out of the house and parked themselves at the airport or the library or elsewhere to study or do their work. I was one who did all my studying and work at home, in the safety, comfort and quietness of my room.

Even though I shared a room with my granny when I was young, it so happened that during my Sec 3 & Sec 4 days, my brother shifted to hostel so my granny used his bed instead and moved out of my room. So I had my room all to myself when mugging for my Os and As.

I'm trying to work from home these few days...and realised again that I can't concentrate well...
Maybe it's just me now...not much motivation to work and the engine is also not as as good as before lol.....

I don't have a proper workdesk at home...the external environment can get noisy at times...and my bed is just too.....oh nvm........

Jiayou Michelle!

Conversations with a 6.5yr old and a 4.5yr old

The other day...Alyssa was in a crabby mood after having been nagged at by K for something that I cannot remember anymore.....

A: If Dada comes in to scold me again I will leave Singapore and go to Hong Kong!
N: But you cannot go to Hong Kong now what. The people are fighting there! (referring to the protests)
N: So if you go there you will get stuck and it is dangerous also.
A: *screams*

Lol....

Covid-19

Working from home these 3 days till Thursday...possibly 4 if we are going ahead with our own team's Business Continuity Plan exercise on Friday....

And so...the novel coronavirus has a name now....covid-19...

Both girls are also aware of this issue...Alyssa knows it as the Wuhan Virus....Nadya just calls it the virus.

I'm taking the opportunity to remind them to keep clean and wash their hands with soap when they need to...and to get Alyssa to brush her teeth so she can "kill the germs in her mouth"...Seems to be working for now...

I hope the situation tapers off soon...
While I'm trying not to get paranoid...sometimes it is concerning when the people around you are mostly wearing masks....

Conversations with a 6.5yr old and a 4.5yr old

Nadya is slowly adjusting to primary school. She has more good days than bad days now I think though her mood is still a little more volatile than before.

2 nights ago, on Monday, I was putting the girls to sleep and Nadya got into a paticularly sad and teary mood.

N: I'm sad. When I'm in school I'm sad. When I'm at PlayFacto I'm very sad.
Me: Why sweetie?
N: Because I want Mama. I want to be at home with Mama and Dada. *cries*
Me: You have your friends in school and at PlayFacto right? You can play with them or talk to them too....
N: But I want Mama...*cries*
Me: *hugs her*

Alyssa butted in with a few choice lines...

A: I also don't like to go to school. I also want Mama. BUT I AM BRAVE! I still go to school and I don't fuss!

To which N got more riled up and cried even louder.

A: It's ok jiejie...Mama is in your heart. Mama is in my heart too. And Dada and my family.


My heart. It melted.

I told this to Alyssa last year when she was having a difficult time in school. She shared with me at the time that she cried every afternoon during nap time because she wanted me around. I told her that I was in her heart and she could try to picture me in her mind if she missed me. I didn't expect her to still remember to this day what I told her so many months ago...

As for Nadya....she continued sobbing for awhile more that night before she asked me to pat her to sleep...


I feel conflicted at moments like these...sad and emo that my kid is feeling this way and trying hard to transition to primary school life....I feel frustrated too because the kids don't want to sleep when it's time to...But, it is also at such times, when the room is dark and they are rolling around in their beds...that they share their thoughts with me....and for that I am grateful....

Jiayou Nadya!
Jiayou Alyssa!
Jiayou Me!

Friday, February 07, 2020

In other news

Laoniang is 45.5kg.

How to put on more weight? I would like to get back to 48kg....

Plant update!

Propagated a 2nd pot of moss rose. Hope this one turns out well too, like the first pot...fingers crossed!

===============
The attempt to split a small clump of asparagus fern and repot it didn't turn out well. I think I botched the attempt and accidentally chopped off too much roots. The repotted small clump didn't survive and dried up within a week.

The main plant is still doing ok though 1 or 2 stems browned. I removed those and the rest are still a fresh shade of green and pretty ok.

Just wondering if I should attempt to hive off another small clump and repot that clump or not...

===============
The water plum bonsai, the big sister of my balcony, is doing alright. Same old though she's flowering less in the last 2-3 weeks. The constant strong winds blow the flower buds right off the plant before they've even had a chance to bloom!

Her seed pods are still growing though. Hoping for them to mature soon and pop so I can collect some seeds and share with my FIL.....

===============
The 5.5-yr-old pomegranate is still going strong. I'm surprised actually, it has many many dead branches which don't produce leaves anymore. But recently, it kinda resurrected itself and started producing new branches and leaves again. It bore fruits and flowers several times in the past and I hope it does so again...:)

K attributed the resurrection to his watering skills. I attributed it to my loosening of its soil in the pot and fertilising...lol, whichever it is, I'm glad it helped the plant.

===============
Stevia is blooming....but...it's also thinning and losing many leaves. I really have no idea how to care for it.....

===============
And in the office....

The two 1.5yr old terrariums are going strong. One's purely a moss terrarium and the other's a moss + fittonia terrarium.

The 3 airplants are doing ok too, save for one which seems to be getting fried from being exposed to the sun the most (as it's hanging near my window)....I've shifted it to somewhere not by the window already. Hope it's better for the plant....

teeth

Aside from my usual dental clinic at CGH, I see another dentist from time to time when I face issues that require fast attention.

Had bad gum pain and jaw discomfort on Monday. In fact, I woke from pain in the middle pf the night that day...Saw a GP on Tues and was given a mouthwash that helped with the discomfort alot.

Anyway, the dentist told me yesterday that....I might be grinding my teeth. :(

There are signs of me doing so. Apparently some of my teeth are wearing down.

And he said the muscles at the side of my jaws are very strong....not just strong...but very strong.
Gosh...

He advised me to check with my usual CGH dentist on getting a mouthguard to protect my teeth....

:(     :(     :(

But the good thing he shared with me....was that....I have no signs of any decay! Yay!

7 February

Happy Birthday Granny!

Mama, I hope you're doing well and everything is ok. I hope your hearing and eyesight are good and clear in Heaven and that you're surrounded with love and happiness all the time. May Milo, nyonya food and nyonya sweet treats be available in abundance over there. I miss your yellow rice, cheng ting, bubur cha cha, steamed corn kueh, potato chips, achar and grago omelette pancakes.....

Send my regards to Ipoh...may the two of you always be happily playing mahjong or chap ji kee and gossiping over kopi...

I've so much to tell you..and I want you to see the girls too and how much they've grown...
You remember Nadya right? You saw her when she was 1.5 months or 2 months old...She's now 6+ already and just started P1! Alyssa knows and recognises you...though she's never met you before...she's doing good and is in K1 now...but getting naughty....please watch over them and keep them safe!

It's been almost 6 years. I still miss you alot...

7

7 first kisses was an interesting K-drama. 7 or 8 episodes, each only 10-15mins long if I remember correctly. It was one of my first K-dramas a couple of years back. Suddenly thought of this drama that day and decided to do up my own list(s) of 7 guys I think would be nice in that drama...in no particular order or ranking....

Actor list

  1. Kim Min Kyu
  2. Ji Chang Wook
  3. Seo Kang Joon
  4. Gong Yoo
  5. Kim Seon Ho
  6. Kwon Sang Woo
  7. Lee Sang Yeob


Idol list

  1. Kim Yo Han - X1
  2. Cha Eun Woo - Astro
  3. DO - EXO
  4. Donghae - Super Junior
  5. Siwon - Super Junior
  6. Oh Jong Hyuk - Click B
  7. Jung Yong Hwa - CNBlue


Hmm...

Thursday, February 06, 2020

niam niam niam....

As always, whenever there's something happening in SG, there'll be a whole bunch of people linking it to the G and commenting (read: complaining) on the inefficacy, incompetence and inadequacy of the government.

Bash Bash Bash. It's always easy to type and air your perceived suffering online. And even easier to criticise and nitpick at actions you perceive as mistakes or lacking. If policy-making was so easy and as straightforward as you think, then don't hide and complain behind your screens lah, step up and out and go do something where you can create policies and make a difference lor.

And there'll always be that one comment "What to do? 70% want them there. Us 30% have to suffer."

Suffer?

Do you not get housing and clean streets? Do your children not get quality education? Do you and your family not get basic quality healthcare? Do you need to fear for your safety when walking out and about at night? Do you not have relatively reliable public transport service and other public essential services? Do you not earn enough keep?....

I think the vast majority are doing ok....not saying all but at least a vast majority of Singaporeans are doing and getting by sufficiently...that's already pretty good I think.

If you're so unhappy and "suffering" so much in SG, then move away lor. Go set up camp in another territory or something and see if life suits you there better.

Haiz. 无奈.....

大的

I've made Nadya cry quite often in recent weeks.

Various reasons I think....

  1. I still consider this her period of transition from childcare to primary school life.
  2. She's tired, cranky, irritable and sensitive on weekday evenings. (from being in school and after-school care the entire day and also from not napping at all)
  3. Her attitude sucks half the time. Bratty, fussy, whiny, bossy, self-centered, self-entitled.....rude, impolite, obnoxious, unappreciative.
I've nagged and scolded her a couple of times. Last night I made her cry because I chided her for her behaviour and attitude. I didn't give her a mega scolding but I did raise my voice. She was trying her best to hold back her tears and refused to speak to me or have any contact with me for the better part of the evening thereafter. 

Sigh...K and I are still figuring out how to teach her some of these things....

Mindful Eating

Realised I've not been doing it for some time and decided to get started on it again recently.

Discovered that a good way to keep myself from being distracted and to concentrate on my food (and it's textures, taste, smell, colours, etc) is to actually remove my glasses lol.

I'm highly myopic so I can't see much without my glasses. And that kinda puts me in a position where I have to just concentrate on my eating...:)

Sure, the mind still wanders off a little and gets slightly distracted by small thoughts but at least I don't sub-consciously reach out for my phone or try to surf the Net while eating....cos....laoniang can't see haha...

Monday, February 03, 2020

Ganbatte.....

Spent quite abit of time working on Saturday and Sunday, to settle and amend a deck of slides to be presented to a Minister. Presentation's supposed to be next Mon but it'll need to be pushed back, seeing as how things are now.

Had a lengthy discussion today with some bosses and turns out that the deck needs to be amended and rehashed again. Major restructuring and operation needed to the deck. It'll be like a whole new deck altogether.

Sad that those hours came to nought. I could have slept or spent more time being present with the two girls AND I could have been less stressed too.

NB.

Anyway.
I think there'll be a few more rounds of such to-ing and fro-ing....we've not even gone up to the biggest boss here yet.

Jiayou to me(nion).....
May I have the patience, strength and intelligence to deliver what the bosses are asking for.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Conversations with a 6yr old and a 4yr old

2 days ago, in the car.

We had a small bag of rubbish in the car. Some stuff in it were mine and some were Nadya's. I sought her help to hold the bag and told her to throw it into the bin after we parked the car. She complained a little....

Me: "I can't be throwing away your rubbish for you all the time you know. You're big enough to do this on your own anyway."
N: "Excuse me!" *followed by a sassy head roll*
N: "You also have your rubbish in here (the bag) you know!"

*rolls eyes*
Are we starting the rebellious stage so soon? Since when did 6yr-old talk back so much? Lol....

===============
It's been relatively easy putting Nadya to bed these days. She knocks out within 5 to 10mins. Even if she takes longer, she knows and understands that she needs to be quiet and close her eyes so she can drift off to sleep. Alyssa is a different story....and has been rather difficult during bedtime for the last couple of weeks.

Last night. When putting the girls to bed. Alyssa again started her antics.
She was playing, walking around in the room, going from bed to bed. Even if she lay down, she would start kicking her toys and bolsters and ME, refusing to lay still and be quiet. And refusing to sleep.

I reached my limit last night. I gave her an ultimatum. That she stop her antics or I'd leave the room.
No points for guessing which option she took. I left the room. To calm myself down and also to show her that I meant what I said.

30 seconds later I heard her start crying. No big wails but soft sobbing and whining. I'm soft-hearted but willed myself to stay in my room. Nadya then came over to announce "Meimei is crying already." I thanked her and told her to go back to bed. Willed myself to stay in my room for while more.

I think it was a couple more minutes before I went back to the room. I think she was relieved to see me but still acted defiant. (Perhaps it's an ego thing?) She refused any form of physical contact with me. And still refused to listen to me when I told her to lie down and go to sleep.

So I sat there. In silence. I waited.

She eventually gave up and came sliding over to me, wanting hugs. I held her for a couple of minutes and she buried her head in my chest. I took the time to explain to her why I was angry and what was expected of her when it was time to sleep.

When she was ready, she let go of me voluntarily and went to lie down on her own accord. After hugging her favourite toy and snuggling into her pillow, she told me.....

"Sorry Mama, for being naughty."

That. That was sudden and unexpected for I'd not taught/told her that before.

That. That melted my heart.

That. That made me feel that despite the uncertainties and groping around in the dark in this parenting journey, perhaps we did do some stuff right.....

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Hier Matin

Yesterday Morning.

I remember looking up at the sky and feeling happy
Something about the bright, sunny sky
And the big, white, fluffy clouds
And the way the sunlight bounces off the plants, grasses and trees

It made my heart full
With love and hope
And determination
And of better things to come

I saw 2 birds in the sky as well
They were big, definitely not sparrows or mynahs
Soaring high and gliding
Looking so confident, calm, strong and majestic

I wished that I could be strong, calm and confident like them too
I wished for good things for my family and loved ones
I wished for more time for everyone in these hectic days
And I wished for the girls to grow up well

J'ai souhaite aussi que
Nous serons tous heureux
Notamment K, N et A
Mes bebes

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Nana

Nadya did well this morning...she did not fuss and was just moving slowly due to sleepiness.
She was even smiling after she brushed her teeth...Hope this keeps up!

I think she'll start fussing in the morning again after the CNY break though haha .

One thing I am a little concerned with. She's been complaining of "tummy ache" or "tummy pain" almost each weekday morning......hope this wears off after she gets more used to the routine and when she fully accepts the fact that she needs to go to primary school from Mon to Fri....

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Bookends

Back in December, I stumbled upon plain bookends in Daiso and fell in love with them.
I grabbed some of them and used them as simple canvases...

Ended up with this rather simple and amateurish set of 4 haha....Pic's a little pixellated though...


Moss rose

Propagating the moss rose and trying to do up a new pot of it.

Took 8 cuttings yesterday from the original pot as it was getting too scraggly and twisted already. Transplanted the cuttings into a pink pot and it's sitting in my toilet currently. Away from the crazy winds in my balcony.

I hope the cuttings establish themselves soon and take root! Checked on them this morning and they've already started to stand more upright compared to yesterday afternoon!

Moss roses are supposedly very easy to propagate. So hope this pot grows well....
Promised Shuting I'd make a pot for her...if this experimental pot is a success that is haha.

Fingers crossed!


no like...

There's this sensitivity lately about "cultural appropriation".

While this is not really cultural appropriation, it's still an appropriation of some kind. At least I feel it is....on the word "nyonya".

People just affix the word "nyonya" to anything and everything just so that the product could (i) catch more attention, (ii) be priced at a premium, and/or (iii) sound fancier or more exotic.

K and I were at a wholesaler for bak kwa last week. They sold "nyonya bak kwa".
Like what the hell is "nonya bak kwa"?? Nonsense lah....I didn't bother to try it at all.

And then KFC is marketing it's "nyonya chicken" now. Simi "nyonya chicken"??
No such thing lor...there are different chicken dishes in Peranakan cuisine...but none of it is even similar to whatever KFC is selling now.....ayam buah keluak, ayam pongteh, ayam sio, ayam curry....

Bah to such gimmicks!

Nadya

Nadya handled Day 1 & 2 of her P1 journey pretty well.
She was rather tired though. I think she was mentally and physically exhausted.

The following week she was teary and fussy each morning. She protested with "I don't want to go to school", "I hate Tao Nan", "I am very tired.", and the like...

Last week, she was quite ok. Still grouchy in the mornings but she did what she was supposed to do and there wasn't much fussing.

This week, the fussing and protests started again. Tears yesterday and this morning as well.
I hope she settles down soon.

Nadya, you are brave and strong. You can do it!

Side note: Kids these days go through so much...even on weekends...:( sometimes you wish they could just rest and play but there's also the FOMO in the rat race (we call life)...

Reminder to Self

To not let what others say affect you too much
Sometimes it comes from not understanding
Sometimes it comes from not being sensitive
Sometimes it stems out of ignorance
Even from those closest to you

Afterall, if they are not going through it
They won't fully understand too

Just appreciate the love, care and support
That's around you

And be there for yourself too

It is okay to falter sometimes
Just keep trying and keep going
One step back out of 2 steps forward is still a step forward

Ganbatte!
Hae suiss-da!
*yuuuuuu*

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

musings

I started with a newly released song from BTS' Suga and just let Youtube do its thing where it would just continue playing the next song/video on and on....

An OST from Goblin came on after awhile.
It brought back fond memories of the show. I remember having had many heart-fluttering moments while watching that show back in 2017. 

Should I re-watch the show? Hmm....:D


pottering in the garden

The adenium (aka desert rose) that my FIL gave me spent a good 3 months with me....
It was initially doing ok till the December heavy rains. It might have gotten too soaked on my balcony.
And from then on, its leave started turning yellow and even dropped 2 leaves. :( 
The adenium doesn't have many leaves, it only has several large leaves sprouting from its main trunk. Dropping 2 of the leaves will affect its overall health I think.

It wouldn't do the young plant any good if it were to stay with me and so around a week or 2 back, I passed it back to my FIL....Hopefully he can nurse it back to health....

===============
The stevia that Ally gave me for Xmas and which arrived at my place on 13 Dec, seems to be doing ok. It thinned out a little though and its bottom leaves are turning a little brown. But new shoots are sprouting and it has started flowering too. Just noticed last night that it has very tiny pale green and white flowers...:)

It's a heavy heavy drinker too. I didn't realise how much water it needed till it became limp when I forgot to water it for 2 days. I literally had to drown the whole pot in water thereafter and the plant "stood" up again.

From then on, I water it heavily everyday, rain or shine.

===============
The moss rose that Ally gave me is doing good too. I love that it is constantly flowering. Everyday there will be at least 1 or 2 flowers. Sometimes the entire pot is covered in blooms too. Bright pink blooms.

===============
Was on leave on Monday and somehow had the mood to do up a new pot...A new pseudo bonsai pot.
Split a small bunch out from my existing asparagus fern and repotted this small bunch into a small bonsai pot I chanced upon in Giant back in Dec.

It is a small rectangular dark green glazed ceramic pot, with 4 slightly raised feet.
I accidentally chopped off some big roots from this small clump...It's  hardy plant though, hope it can still survive.

It's currently residing in my toilet haha. With partial sun and not alot of draft.
Hope it does well enough to go out to my balcony in the coming weeks and months.

Baby steps

要调整情绪一下
今天早上费了很多力和精神
肚子也好像打了个大结
心也还在跳得比较快

你可以的
你可以的
你可以的

加油!!

Took the train this morning.
And eventually took me more than 15mins to get from the MRT station to the office.
Had to stop somewhere to catch my breath and hide from the crowds.

Need to calm myself down. Still jittery.

But still, it's another baby step forward.

Small wins, celebrate the small victories too.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

Reminder

To breathe.
To self-manage.
To prioritise and do first-things-first.
To not get or allow myself to get too stressed.
To remember that others are going through the same or similar stuff as well. 
To jiayou. 
To breathe.
To breathe.
To breathe. 


Wednesday, January 08, 2020

Milestone

It's been a year.
The stars have aligned themselves!
Finally gathered some courage and took the train to work today.
Was nervous and had to get K on the phone with me for 25mins.
But I did it.
The first steps are usually the hardest.
But I will get through this.
That said, this was actually slightly easier to manage than back in June 2019 when I started taking the bus again.

Jiayou!
Jiayou!
Jiayou!
Hae suiss-da!

Good start to 2020.

Tuesday, January 07, 2020

Rumination

I have been thinking
And I've only just come to the conclusion
These two days
That I don't seem to have
Fully accepted myself
For who I am now
The new me
I don't seem to have fully accepted
This new normal

And perhaps that is why
I am still feeling
A little affected and perplexed by it
And having a small sliver of hope
For things to get back to the way they used to be
For me to get back to the way I used to be

This new normal
This new me
I should open up and accept them
Wholeheartedly

I should love and accept myself
For if I don't
Who will

2020....

And we're in 2020 already.

2019 went by really fast.
I spent most of my time going for medical tests and learning/relearning how to manage myself better.
The other time was mostly spent on the kids and their activities.

2020. I hope to.....

  • continue learning and fine-tuning the way I manage myself,
  • spend more time on building up my physical stamina,
  • spend some time on my hobbies and learn something new along the way,
  • continue maintaining good relationships with family and close friends,
  • continue with some of the decluttering at home, 
  • learn how to accept some things and move on, and
  • stay positive and hopeful......

Thursday, January 02, 2020

Jill of all trades, Master of none

And so...

I’ve dabbled or am still dabbling in...

- acrylic painting
- watercolour painting
- calligraphy using brush pens
- doodling
- colouring
- crocheting
- terrarium making
- taking care of plants
- making very simple bonsai

I like all...and I enjoy different ones at different times, depending on my mood.
But I’m a total noob at everything and....a master of none...:D

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

exigencies of service

A favourite phrase of the public service. Or in Singapore's context maybe it's a commonplace term in both public and private sectors. 

My break so far...doesn't feel like it's fully a break. 
Due to one big pending case at work. I've been logging in everyday to settle stuff relating to it. 
And also had 2 concalls with my counsel and overseas partner. 

There are timelines to keep and remember. Right now, it's 28 December and 30 December. 
I need to send out email notifications on these 2 days. 

A little xian. You're trying to chill but at the back of your mind there're these 2 deadlines (and related stuff) hovering around in there. 

Today is Xmas Eve

Not a good time to "stomach spoil".
Stomach wasn't doing well yesterday afternoon.
Somehow ended up at Hawkerman for dinner yesterday evening. Felt obligated as there was another family around and I didn't want to drag them to eat plain soupy stuff with me.

Ordered chicken aglio olio. Bad choice. Was too oily.
Maybe I should have ordered rice with roast chicken.

Anyway, LS one last night and once this morning. Tummy was quite bleah last night...still quite queasy this morning with low appetite... Some nausea as well....

Pumped myself with probiotics last night and this morning.
Fingers crossed I'll feel better this evening.

There's still the annual Xmas thingy at my uncle's this evening and the annual Xmas luncheon at Adrian's place tomorrow.

Ganbatte....
肚子,加油!争气!

Thursday, December 19, 2019

19 December 2019

Today is officially the last work day for me for the year...

By right.

By left.......

Due to some pending dispute cases, one is with the courts, one is with the SMC....
I still have some work to be done next week even though I'll be on leave.

Jiayou Michelle.....

Want to do.....

Would like to try watercolour painting again...

Hope I find some time to try it out. My tiny experiments last year yielded pretty ok results...:)
I should start it again...

===============
On a quest to clean up the house.
Bit by bit. Area by area.
Hopefully, with the helper's cooperation.
And some common sense and commitment from her as well.

Cleared out and packed up a drawer yesterday afternoon.
And ended up with one red bump on my left cheek.
It was a hive bump.
Smaller than a 5-cent coin though.
My face was itchy in the evening.
My eyes too.

Hope future cleaning sessions won't bring me more itchiness.
Maybe I should wear a mask when I clean.

===============
daydreaming...
been a long time since I did that...
hmm, can't remember when was the last time....years?

Quote of the Day

Own your decisions and own yourself without apology.

~ Anna Wintour

Monday, December 16, 2019

Weight

Laoniang was back to 45.6kg this morning.
Laoniang is happy.
Laoniang wants to put on abit more weight.

老朋友,好朋友

Had a meet-up with PQ & Ally on Sat afternoon. Been a long long time since I saw them. One year for Ally, and maybe 10 months for PQ....

We were at the Coastal Settlement. The rain made things a little leychey but it was still a nice catch-up. The truffle fries were really good! They were still crispy even after an hour or two of sitting on the table. Wonder how they prepared it haha.

Went home with alot of goodies and xmas pressies for both myself and the girls haha....K was whining a little "How come I don't get anything?" haha...

You know...it's a warm fuzzy feeling. You might not meet them often enough with kids, work, homes and families to look after. But you know that these ladies have your back and you can count on them when you falter...And....It's ok to be fully yourself with them. No masks nothing.

============
We talked about bullying in primary school since both Darius and Kyer are in primary school already. We talked about families. We talked about pets. We touched on work. We also talked about us receiving the Careshield notification letter (ex-Eldershield) next year.

Amongst other things.

LOL....omg lah....see how much our conversations have changed over the years...:D

Pandan Caramel

Laoniang just discovered a bread from Gardenia - Pandan Caramel bread.

I don't know if it's really new or not but I only just discovered its existence.

I asked K to get some to try. Wah nice leh! The girls like it too. Alyssa likes that it's green in colour haha....

This will my new go to snack bread....in place of the usual Raisin Loaf from Gardenia. :)

Progression, Regression

3 steps forward, 2 steps back
2 steps forward, 3 steps back

Sometimes it feels difficult to keep going
Sometimes it feels like you try and you try
And you do take steps forward
Only to have a big wave or a misstep
Bring you back a couple of steps

Must learn to let go
Must learn to 看开
Must learn to take things easier
Yes, I've heard it many times

Push on
Carry on
Jiayou Michelle...

6 Dec: River Safari day!

Managed to ballot for the corporate passes and so I took leave that day. We brought the girls there and I found it quite enjoyable. There's more or less only one path to follow through the whole park and it's all sheltered.

I was concerned that I'd be tired out from the heat but the sheltered walkways were really shady. I was glad for it.

I enjoyed the animal show and appreciated the interactive time after the show where we were allowed to feed and pet the capybaras, pet the huge orange iguana and take pictures with the pelicans.

I was surprised and proud at the same time when both girls didn't flinch or bat an eyelid and fed/petted the capybaras! I mean, the capybara was huge and perched on a stand. It was at least the girls' heights and it's body was definitely bigger than them haha. 

Nadya got a little icky with the iguana though haha. She was afraid it would be slimy to the touch.

The highlight for me was the red panda exhibit. Damn cute. There were 2 of them and they were languid and were mainly snoozing when we saw them. I loved their tails though. So bushy. :) They look like more fashionable bandits compared to raccoons haha.

They was housed next to the panda exhibit but we only saw one of the pandas there. I think it was Kai Kai who was there that day. We were glad to have seen it...the girls were in awe. :)  Something they'd only seen in videos or read about in books actually "came to life!" and was chewing bamboo in front of them haha.

Will I go back to visit again? Perhaps...but not in the next couple of years maybe...

Wednesday, December 11, 2019

You can do this!!

Been a tiring couple of days.
Full day meetings, activities, conference calls during lunch and other discussions during tea-breaks.
Feeling a little zapped out.

Jiayou Michelle!! Ganbatte!!!

Weight

I've breached 45... I was 44.8kg this morning.
Sigh, another few days of tummy not feeling well and my weight goes down again. Putting it back on seems quite difficult.

How to put back 2-3kg without binging, milk, or too much fried foods?
Maybe I should eat more carbo than proteins...?

Tuesday, December 03, 2019

Craft

At times like these, I smack myself for attempting to make stuff...even when timelines are coming up...and when I don't really have the domain knowledge on how to make those things....

*facepalm*

Nvm nvm...jiayou jiayou!!!

Indian Borage

Finally spent 30-40mins yesterday trimming my jungle of an Indian Borage.
I'd left it to grow freely for almost a year I think...and boy did it grow.

I fertilised it about 2 months back and coupled with recent rainy days (read: natural happy minerals for the plant), the plant thrived and grew. Quite abit. It was getting a little unruly and so...*snip snip*

Trimmed off at least 7-8 branches which were getting too long, tall and scraggly. I shaved off so many big and healthy leaves from the cuttings too...at least 1/2 an NTUC plastic bag. The whole balcony and living room smelt like the herb. My fingers too. Felt a little wasteful for throwing all the leaves away but I don't dare to use them to make tea (which is supposedly very good to heal coughs) or to cook. (Apaprently it's also known as Mexican Mint and can be used as a substitute for Oregano...my colleague uses it in pasta sometimes)

The plant was actually really healthy and robust. Well actually the pot contained 4 separate plants propagated from 4 separate cuttings last year.

After all the trimming, I stuck 5 cuttings into a new pot (yes I'm starting a new pot of Indian Borage) and gave another 2 really nice and healthy cuttings to a colleague.

There are still 1-2 more branches that might need to be trimmed off but I'll hold off for awhile first.

And so....the unruly jungle is now a neater smaller forest...:)

Aiyoh........

Was on PM leave yesterday to attend Alyssa's PTC in school.
Went home and finally managed to trim the Indian borage.

Took a nap thereafter....and when I was still in the last hazy dazy moments of my sleep and about to get up from my nap...I heard a sudden gush of water from my washroom...

*pop* *BISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

???!!! simisai???!!!

I quickly got up to check. And...omg...the cupboard below my sink was SPEWING WATER.
Water was starting to pool on the floor below the cupboard too. Quickly called for K to come...and we discovered that a pipe below the sink had burst.

Everything in the cupboard (mainly extra toiletries and some craft stuff) was wet. We were stunned haha.

Plumber's supposed to come in this afternoon to see what needs to be done.

I hope nothing too major...I hope it'll just be a simple replacement of the pipe (which seemed to have rusted and corroded).

Just mighty glad that we were around when it happened and we could clean up the mess quickly. At least the water wasn't left to seep into the cupboard woodwork. If the wood had become waterlogged, I think we would have a bigger headache.

Quite glad too that I had previously lined the cupboard base with 2 layers of plastic....that helped keep some water off the wood too.

Oh ya, and I'm very glad that it's just clean water that was spewing out...and not sewage or dirty water....lol...

Last year at this time...our room curtain got fried by the dry-cleaners and we had to spend a couple of hundred getting a replacement set....This year it's the sink pipe...aiyoh....

Monday, December 02, 2019

Walk on

And we have stepped into December
The last month of the year

This year has whizzed by really quickly
At times, things feel like they've slowed to a crawl
But in reality, time just keeps zipping by

Don't be shy or afraid to let your loved ones know you love and care for them...

Walk on Michelle
With hope in your heart

What is Love?

Jotting down. For posterity....

I asked Nadya the other day...."Sayang, what is love?"
She seemed a little confused and didn't know where to start, given that love is such an abstract intangible thing (feeling? emotion? adjective? verb?)......

After some encouragement, this was what she said....

"Love is....

Being kind and nice
You can see and smell love
It smells like flowers and roses and nice trees

You can eat love too
When you eat love
Then you become very kind

Love looks like God
And also looks like a heart-shaped bubble

Love is Mama, Dada and Mei Mei"


*heart melt*

Friday, November 29, 2019

Jiayou

When you are trying to settle work...

...and others come to ask you for help or to check stuff with you (in person, via whatsapp or skype)
...and family stuff comes up as well through whatsapp
...and your boss pops up at your cubicle in person
...and your legal counsel swings by in person as well wanting to discuss stuff
...and another legal counsel whatsapps you to discuss other issues

Aiyoh...

It's only 1030am...

*breathe*

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Nadya's P1 Books

Last night, I went through the big bag of school textbooks and materials and stationery that we got for her from the school 2 weeks ago. I wanted to get acquainted and be familiar with the books so I know how to pack/check her bag next time. Also wanted to see how I could fit her books into the bookshelves we have.

I was quite surprised at the stuff in the bag....Gosh...

  • Music lesson got textbook one meh??! - that was my first reaction. I flipped through and rolled my eyes a little. At P1 they want the kids to learn about "forte" and "pianissimo"? Erm...zun bo??!! I only knew of these terms when I did "Appreciation of Classical Music" in my uni Year 2!
  • PE lesson got textbook one meh??! - that was my 2nd reaction. I didn't flip through the book though. Not sure what's inside. 
  • Self-journal - I was curious and was impressed when I flipped through this book. It was colourful and engaging and it teaches kids on what words they could use to describe their emotions (using colours and other adjectives). It also touches on emotions, expressing oneself and self-management...I think this is pretty good! Laoniang like!
  • Mathematics - I was wondering why the hell were there 2 textbooks but 4 workbooks! But it turned out that it was because there were many pictures and drawings in the math workbooks. So I guess they needed more pages for the workbooks. Not bad, the books were all very colourful and engaging! So cute...I don't remember having so many colourful "ang gong kia" in my books last time.
  • English - there were no English textbooks or activity books in the bag. I distinctly remember having English textbooks and workbooks when I was in primary school....have things changed? English class don't need any books now?? Hmm....
  • Chinese - OMG. Higher Chinese has 2 textbooks, 2 writing workbooks, 2 small reading books, and 2 other activity books. Overkill right?? 8 books for just ONE subject? On top of these...there's also 1 textbook and 1 activity book for Moral Education or 好公民. Ok, this moral education things is the same as when I was a kid I think. But then that makes it like 10 books all in Chinese. Oh yes...there's also a box filled to the brim with hanyu pinyin flash cards....
  • Art - there's an A3 sized art folder, an A3-sized clear plastic file, a drawing block, an A4 sketch book (which I love by the way, was eyeing it for myself haha), a set of colour pencils, a set of crayons, and a set of 2B/4B/6B pencils (which I was eyeing too!!!). Sibei impressed. they need so much materials to teach a P1 kid art?? why need 2B/4B and 6B pencils? Don't tell me a P1 kid needs to learn sketching and shading and gradients??
  • Miscellanous - There's a whiteboard marker and duster set. No idea what it will be used for. Hmm. There's also a pencil and rubber set, which I presume is just for the kid to do writing. And then there's a whole set of single-line exercise books, A4 sized jotter books (lined and non-lined), and squared exercise books for Chinese I think...and another peculiar exercise book which had small squares in its pages and bigger grids of 4 squares interspersed between the small squares. No idea what this exercise book could be used for. Hmm....

I took a brief look at the books and my first impression was that Nadya would have no issues with the Math and Chinese. Need to take a closer look though. 

Next steps:
- Take a closer look at the textbooks and workbooks
- Need to wrap all the books in their plastic jackets (Nadya promised to help)

Laobu

Mum's had a nagging pain in her right arm/shoulder for a few weeks.
She finally had an ultrasound done today....radiologist said there's a bad tear in one of the main tendons in the arm, which would take very long to heal.
She needs to undergo physiotherapy as well.

Sigh.

Not a good time to kena this. not when house moving, Xmas, Adrian's wedding and CNY are all coming up....

Jiayou Laobu....

Plants

Desert rose is showing signs of yellowing leaves, about 2 of the leaves. :(
Not sure if I'm over-watering or what.
Or if it's not getting enough sun?

Hope it gets well soon.

===============
Small ficus ginseng is still doing well. Growth has slowed a little compared to the initial 2-3 weeks but there are still fine shoot sprouting out. I hope these are new branches and not just leaves though.

Big ficus ginseng has sprouted, and is still sprouting new leaves. I hope it gets much more bushy before I transplant it to the new soil mix and in a new pot. I hope to use the square plastic bonsai pot I got from Shoppee! Not a bona fide bonsai enthusiast but a total noob at it so I'm just experimenting....

===============
The lone succulent I have is still surviving....barely though...it was still standing tall 2 months ago.
It's gone a little floppy now and looks like it's keeled over.

Don't know what to do with it. Succulents are supposed to be easy but I've never had much luck with them. I always end up killing them. Don't know why!

===============
Have not had the chance to trim the Indian Borage. It's becoming a huge ass forest sprouting out from a small pot. I need to cut it and transplant/replant it again!!

Judging by the number of branches and sub-branches I have in the existing pot now, I might be able to get many cuttings. And I might be able to make up to 2 or 3 pots of Indian Borage eventually!

hmm

saw the gynae for irregularities in my cycles.
put on hormone pills.
21 days worth of 2 pills a day.
not starting it yet.
wanna hang on first.
side effects: headaches, nausea and breast tenderness.
sigh.

Reminder to Self

Breathe
Take it easy
One at a time
One thing at a time

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Plants

The small ficus ginseng is doing good. New shoots coming out. New leaves too. 

The bonsai FIL gave is doing good too. After a recent bout of shedding some yellow leaves (which alarmed me actually. Thought the plant was going kaput under my care), the plant's sprouting new leave and new flower buds and new shoots too. I saw some dead branches in the pads but am wondering if an amateur like me should prune them off. I saw one new growth too...that didn't seem like a branch or a flower bud or a leaf...It looked like a seed pod and I'm excited. I hope it is! Then we can grow more new plants out of it hopefully....

Big ficus ginseng is doing so-so. It shed all its leaves. Not sure why...but recently started sprouting new leaves. It still looks extremely bare and bald though and I'm wondering if I should trim down some branches. Looking too scraggly. Need to repot it soon too. 

The desert rose that FIL gave to me is doing pretty ok too. Developing some nice and interesting roots from the base of the trunk. Hopefully it develops into a nice "nebari" system. Right now the nebari is still quite loose and weak. 

Time...I need time and patience to care for these fellas....

I'm hoping to create a bonsai out of asparagus fern. Really love these ferns..
And I'm hoping to make a kokedama too...need to get materials though...

And I need to trim, and repropagate the Indian borage...K said there were some strange looking mites/insects in the soil....eewwww...

Time time...I need time...to do all these...

Yes

In recent months.
Many targets that I've set.
Many goals that I've set.

In recent weeks.
Some I've reached.
Some I've conquered.

Sometimes with difficulty.
Sometimes with slightly more ease.

More targets to come.
More to conquer.

There remains one big challenge in the coming weeks.
That I'm psyching up for.

Yes, you do do this Michelle.
Yes, you can.

Ganbatte
Hae suiss-da

I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.

Yes, I can!

Laoniang Did It!

Spent the last 3 days (Mon to Wed) at the Civil Service College in Buona Vista.
It was.... 3. Whole. Intensive. Days. Of.

Basic Principles of Data Analytics.

Most courses are quite relaxed where you need to only be on 60-70% brain operating capacity.

This course was quite taxing and intensive. Fully interactive. I was on guard and fully engaged 99% of the time because once you lose concentration, you'll miss what the trainer said and you'll miss taking down notes. I felt like I was back in uni taking lecture notes. Lots of hands-on, lots of notes-taking, lots of arrows by the trainer to answer questions, lots of project and group work.

The first day was pretty stressful due to the new environment, adjustment to the trainer and the setting, and getting thrown questions which I struggled to answer sometimes. Went home with a tight chest on Monday evening. The next 2 days were more manageable. But I felt quite tired out at the end of each day.

I woke in the middle of the night on Tues night and I somehow remember that these words were swirling in my head...standard deviation, scatterplot, boxplot, mean, median, mode, variance, skewness, pivot table, interquartile range, hypothesis, upper whisker, lower whisker, ................

zzz... simisai.

Laoniang barely passed Statistics in my uni Year 1. In fast, Stats brought me my first ever D in my entire schooling life. I swore off stats back then and even chose to do In-depth-Interviews instead for the data collection portion of my Final Year Project...

20 years later.....and I'm going through a crash course on it now. Sorry, not "going". "Went" through a crash course on it haha.

Nevertheless I'm proud I went through the 3 days, despite the uncertainty and anxiety, especially on the first day. I didn't drop out.

And I'm very grateful, and blessed too, that by some strange stroke of luck, my boss, KH and Vicky all happened to be in the course as well. None of us planned for it and it just happened to be this way. Was very glad that they were around, at least I could sit with them and not have to face added stress of sitting with strangers and doing group work with them.

Yeah, another personal challenge settled.

Friday, November 15, 2019

Nadya 要上小学了

Brought Nadya to Tao Nan yesterday afternoon. It was an admin day, with form-filling stuff to settle, books to buy and uniforms to get.

She was a little overwhelmed in the beginning I think. Suddenly in a big compound with buildings all around her. Suddenly being dragged by us to the canteen to buy uniforms. And then we had her try the uniforms on to get the correct size....She had a dazed look on her.

And then we had to bring her to another area to grab her books...I decided not to let her join in the queue for the books. She seemed happier waiting with me outside the bookstore area and eating her bun. K settled the books.

We had to go to the school hall thereafter to fill forms and listen to a briefing. By then, we had met up with our friends and their daughter, who is Nadya's classmate. She seemed more comfy at the point...

Time flies...she's entering P1 soon...
Our Little Baby...长大了.....

Monday, November 11, 2019

Of clearing things and that little journal from back in the day....

With my parents impending shift to Adrian's place in end Nov, I'm also facing pressure to clear out whatever remaining stuff I have left in the Tampines flat. Which is actually alot....basically the entire storage space below my old bed and 1/2 of a cupboard.

I don't need this extra stress. Sigh.

2 Saturdays ago, I brought home one big bag of stuff that's now just sitting in a corner of my master bedroom. No idea what to do with it cos I have a small house and there is just no friggin space to store the stuff I have.

Anyway......

While clearing my old stuff at the Tampines flat on the Sat night just past, I threw out some things...and.......also came across my journal from 20 years back.

There were not alot of entries in it. First entry was in year 2000 and last one was in year 2006. I sometimes wrote a few entries a year and sometimes it was just once a year. The diary's made of acid-free paper so it's still as good as new. The only thing is that the cloth binding and white ribbon that came with the diary...has yellowed.

After putting the girls to sleep on Saturday night, I spent some time reading through the journal.

Brought back some memories, both good and bad. Also reminded me of some stuff and people that I'd completely forgotten.

It's also amazing though, that some questions I asked myself 20 years ago...are still relevant today and in the last few years and especially this year, I've asked myself the same questions too. So strange, that the 20-yr-old me and the 40-yr-old me...is still asking the same question. :)

Some of those journal entries, are also testament to the fact that, people come and people go. Some leave an indelible mark on your life, some leave nary a trace to the extent that you'd forget about them over time. Others, who may have been an important part of your life at some point in time, somehow mysteriously disappear thereafter, leaving you wondering what happened, and whether age and time had something to do with it.

The insecurities I wrote about when I was 20, 21, 22, 23...some are still present, though to a much lesser degree...and I don't dwell on them now. They only surface from time to time...

I wrote about some significant milestones along these years. I wrote about my doubts and worries. I wrote about crushes I had which had me grinning actually. :p I wrote about frustrations...and I wrote about my hopes and goals...and I think based on the various entries I wrote, I've learned over the years that I should trust my gut feel....

Hmm...

After a 13-year hiatus, I might pen something in there again. Just need to find the right time and right place and right space...Who knows...I might do a summary of the key events over the last 13 years...

Wednesday, November 06, 2019

Uniball - laoniang like

I'm back to drawing, doodling and zentangling (or whatever you call it) these days.

I started out with the Sakura Sigma Micro pens a couple of years back. They were expensive but good to use for very fine lines and smaller details. I still have with me some 0.2mm pens, some in 0.3mm and I think a 0.5mm as well.

I wasn't that used to those pens to be honest. I've always liked broad pens. Used to call them "fat" pens till I finally learned the correct term is "broad" haha.

I'm using the Uniball Signo Broad UM153 1.0mm pen these days. I use the ones in black ink and black-blue ink. The black-blue ink is really nice. I've got one in white as well and am using it for corrections. This pen's much much broader with a 1.0mm nib and it gives a smooth, full finish to each stroke. The only thing is that being a 1.0mm, the ink runs out pretty fast. Luckily, this is a cheaper pen, easier to buy in retail stores and ink refills are easier to find as well.

I just finished a black one and the black-blue one I use at home is almost finished as well.
I think I need to run to Evergreen to stock up on ink refills soon.....

To more drawings!

Monday, November 04, 2019

of drawings and a little girl

Nadya recently saw me drawing and practising some Zentangle diagrams. She liked some of the patterns and designs and asked me to teach her.

So each night for the last few nights, she has come to me with a pencil and paper and said "Mama I want to draw. I want Mama to teach me..."

Quite happy that she likes drawing...:)

I started out showing her some simple designs and last night I showed her a more complicated pattern. She was able to follow it with some help...she also customised some of the stuff that I showed her with her own designs...which impressed me! I didn't say anything and she just went ahead with her own patterns...:)

Maybe I should refresh and relearn my repertoire of Zentangle patterns and teach her some of the more complicated ones...

This little girl seems to enjoy the arty stuff that her Mama likes haha....
Wonder if she will like plants...and terrariums and....bonsai?

Of pots and plants

Built my first ever pot of bonsai on my birthday! I'd prepared the soil mix a week or two earlier and on 17 Oct, I transplanted my smaller ficus ginseng plant into a green ceramic pot and filled it with the bonsai soil mix I created.

Glad to update that many new leaves and shoots are sprouting up and the plant seems to be doing pretty well. :)

Hope it grows better in time to come!

===============
The seeds I planted on 4 Oct never germinated though the packet indicated a period of 2-3 weeks before they would germinate.

Xian half. Now I'm considering germinating my pomegranate seeds or my pear seeds. Hope these work out well!!!

===============
I'm intending to transplant my bigger ficus ginseng plant into a new pot with a semi-bonsai soil mix that I prepared last night.

My soil mix for this one:
5 parts - potting soil
5 parts - organic compost
2/3 parts - perlite
2/3  parts - volcanic soil
<1 -="" p="" part="" sand="">
Made this mix around 60-70% organic because the plant isn't doing too well and seems to be quite botak. Hoping the mix will help to spur some new growth. and encourage more aerial roots to pop out.

Now what's left is for me to transplant.....see if I can find the chance to do it. 

Ola

Past 2-3 weeks has been a blur and a mish mash of work, managing self (and tummy), caring for the kids and attending their drama days and concerts, and dealing with their homework, and running errands, and trying to settle xmas stuff, and......

Some things that stood out.

Last year of my 30s - 17 Oct 2019 (Thurs)
I'm 39 already. I'm not quite ready to get out of my 30s...but somehow I'm already at this point. In fact, KH is turning  40 in December and Ally & PQ are turning 40 in Jan! It was a nice day. K and I had lunch at a yummy Jap restaurant. It was a pity I couldn't stuff myself more....the potato salad and soba noodles at the buffet bar were really nice....we went home thereafter and I busied myself with building my first ever pot of bonsai.

Nadya's Year-end Graduation Concert - 26 Oct 2019 (Sat)
I teared up seeing her on stage, walking up to the principal to collect her certificate in her small graduation gown and mortarboard. And I wondered how I would feel in the future if and when she graduates from uni.

I was mighty proud of her too when she did her dance performance. And I was very proud when she did her emcee role well, in both English and Mandarin. She was composed, kept her head up, kept her voice calm and steady and didn't rush through her script at all.

Well done sweetie! Mama is so so proud of you!!

Solo - 31 Oct 2019 (Thurs)
It was a day I challenged myself and spent half a day outside on my own. From breakfast at SingPost Centre, to taking the train down to Bugis Junction, to spending 3hours there running errands and buying Xmas presents, and then having lunch in a restaurant by myself.

It got overwhelming at one point and I had to text K. But I was glad I went through with things and didn't chicken out. I hope to do this again....


Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Bday surprise

Just had a mini surprise birthday celebration in office...:) So nice of the team...

I'm blessed...!

Gardening Stuff

Sowed some seeds on 4 October...8 of them actually.
It's of a plant whose name I've forgotten. Need to check it up again. It was a long (almost scientific) name...:D

They're supposed to germinate in 2-3 weeks...fingers crossed that seedlings will sprout!

===============
FIL gave me a pot of bonsai a week ago. He also gave me a small pot carrying 1 desert rose baby plant. Bigger than a sapling but not as big as a full-sized plant yet....

Hope these 2 pots hold out well on my balcony!!

===============
I've a small ficus ginseng that I'm intending to make my first bonsai with. Noob attempt.

For my bonsai soil mix, I used the following and I hope it'll work for me....

5 scoops - akadama and kanuma soil mixture
5 scoops - organic compost
4 scoops - volcanic soil
3 scoops - sand
3 scoops - perlite
2 scoops - potting soil (about 1/3 of this was coco coir)

I've mixed the soil already and prepared my pot. All that's left now is to remove the plant from the pot it came in...clean its root ball, maybe trim some roots if needed, and then transplant it into the ceramic pot I prepared....

Will find time for it this Thursday when I'm on leave...

For Posterity

KH came by my cubicle to pass me my birthday gift...and she wrote a message to me too...
She gives me too much credit though. I am improving also because of the support, encouragement, patience and strength given to me by friends and loved ones. It doesn't matter whether they are there physically with me or not...sometimes love and support can be virtual and equally as effective.


Dearest Mich,

Happy birthday! Just wanna give you a pat on the back. You have been through alot over the past year and you have done well over the past few months. I know it is not easy and I am amazed and encouraged by the amount of strength and courage you have mustered to help yourself get into a better position. Not everyone can do it. Am proud of you!  You have taken baby steps so I hope to see you taking toddler steps yah? We still need to make our next date come true ok :)

Hope you like the gifts and find them handy and useful in your daily life!

Big Hugs!

Love,
KH

Porcupine Mama

Last Saturday afternoon. I was lying on my bed and Alyssa came by. She tried hugging my legs...
I had not shaved and erm...had stubble.

A: Mama! Your legs are spiky! You are a porcupine! You have spiky legs!

And she started touching my legs several times. Giggling louder and louder each time...lol...

-_-''




Fengshui??

I honestly think that the fengshui for my team's area in the office is not good. Ever since the office was renovated and we had our team's layout changed in July/August last year...different people have been down.

Mas has been hospitalised at least 3 times since then.
I was on hospital leave in Jan and have been diagnosed with some stuff.
LH has been falling sick so often her nose is perpetually stuffed.
ST has had a rough time with her IVF journey and is now recuperating from an abortion.
DC has been struggling with bad acne since early this year. He's never had acne, even in his teens.
EC has been on MC on and off as well.
MW is a new hire and only joined in Mar but he's been sick a couple of times as well.
And now....our boss....is in hospital.

We've been sending out at least one Get Well Soon hamper each week for the last 3 weeks.
Gosh........and these are only allowed to be sent out for those on hospital leave.

What's going on..........

Friday, October 11, 2019

This.

Tired.
from trying. everyday.

Hurt.
from being sensitive. from expecting.

Tears.
noun. not verb.

Fall.
verb. not noun.

Bounce.
pick yourself up. again.

Lonely.
who really gets it. hardly.

Battle.
noun. and verb.

Walk.
on. but where.

Hope.
sliver. where from.

Tuesday, October 08, 2019

Little Baby

Broke my heart last night to see Nadya crying so badly.
She was quite upset. One of those issues with friends. She said some girls in her class didn't want to play with her. Also mentioned that one of them was rude and bossy to her.

It has happened several times before but last night she sounded particularly sad and hurt. And the way she was crying while relating her sorrows to me....sigh...it made me just want to cuddle her and protect her and let her know that she's loved, she's wanted and she's beautiful.

She's been more vulnerable, sensitive, and tired recently...I hope she's ok....

Daddy

Feeling quite bad. Sigh.
Been busy with things recently...work has little bits and pieces of things piling up as well.

I actually forgot that Dad has a cataract op today.
Till my Mum texted to update that he was in the OT already....

Argh....:(
Dad, you will have a smooth procedure ya....Love you...Hugs....


Update:
Dad went into the OT at 120pm and came out at 2pm. Seems that the procedure was very fast and painless. Good for him! He said he only saw colourful lights and then shortly after that the doc said the procedure was completed already. He still needs to go back to the hospital tomorrow afternoon though, for the doc to follow-up and check if the eye is doing well.

Thursday, October 03, 2019

:(

ST just updated L and myself....
Foetus is not viable and pregnancy needs to be terminated. She'll go for the abortion next Wed 9 Oct...

I was crying...I updated Mas...now both L and Mas are crying in office.

I don't know how to comfort ST...

It's heartbreaking and unfortunate...
After 6 months of trials and tribulations during her IVF treatments...she finally got a successful one....and this has to happen....
The embryo somehow stopped growing 2 weeks ago when she was in her 5th or 6th week. There was still heartbeat activity at that point...but today's scan detected nothing and still no growth...

ST is a good person. Nice and good person. She really deserves to be happy...
Fate. Is this fate?

Wednesday, October 02, 2019

October

It's already October.

It's paradoxical.
So much has happened. Especially in the last 9 months. I worked hard and had achievements and improvements but yet at times, it feels like I didn't do or achieve much.

Maybe it feels this way because I started from a point behind where I was originally at a year back....so even after working hard and working on myself, it's only gotten me almost back to where I was at a year back. There is still more to be done...more fighting and working hard to improve and better myself...

I get tired sometimes and a little dejected as well. But I need to remind myself...despite the tiredness and challenges, I did take steps forward, I did get small wins, I did improve, I did get better, I did progress, and I did keep walking.....

Small wins maketh big wins. Trudge on Michelle.
You can do it!

It's paradoxical.
Time seemed to pass by so fast this year....and yet at other times, it felt like time dragged its feet and took its own time to go by...

There were times when I broke the day down into hours...I survived taking each hour as a small milestone just to get through one working day. I'm glad I've moved on from those days.

..........   .........  .....

This. This is the new norm.