Reminder to Self

Be more open and 大气, especially to someone whom you already have a small bias against. 
Had a short conversation with a staff from my team and I was irked within a short span of time. Tried to remain neutral and I hope my tone did not show any annoyance. 

Staff E: How are you Michelle after your jab?

Me: I'm ok, had borderline fever yesterday so took Panadol and had a short nap to sleep it off. 

Staff E: Oh? You took Panadol?! *sounding incredulous & surprised*

Me: Ya, why?

StaffE: Oh I didn't take it even though I had fever!

Me: ok...mm...

StaffE: I read somewhere that if you have fever after the jab, try not to take Panadol. This will allow your body to really fight and boost up your immunity after the jab. So I tried to tahan and did not take any. 

Me: I see ok...though just take note that not everything you read online is true or scientifically proven. 

StaffE: Ya, but many people said this. I also have a friend who is a nurse who did not take Panadol even though she had a fever after her jab. That's why I tried to tahan also. 

Me: ok.....

With her, it's always "many people said this" and "I read online that" or "I did my research online and..." or..."I asked around and..." or "I heard that..." or "I did my homework and reading up and...". 

孩子们

Thankful for Alyssa's passionate co-form teacher, who is also her Chinese teacher. 

She had no qualms sharing her mobile number with parents and created a WA group chat with all the parents. Since Day 1, she has been sending very regular updates and photos of the kids during recess, and sometimes videos of the kids during class or snack break time. She updates parents on homework to be done and/or books to bring as well. 

Thanks to her, I know firsthand what Alyssa bought during recess haha. :)

====================
I'm proud of Alyssa. She bought her first drink on the 2nd day of school! A bottle of mango juice. 

And on her 3rd day of school, she bought a plate of fried noodles. :) She wanted to buy it on Day 2 but said she couldn't find the "Stall 5: Fried Noodles" that Nadya had told her about lol. So I spent some time at night describing to her where and how to find it. And she did it on Day 3!

Our Peanut 长大了！

She just hasn't discovered the bookshop.......Yet. lol.

====================
In the meantime, I'm proud of Nadya too. Getting more independent. She's more or less been packing her bag by herself since start of P2 and has been settling her homework at the student care centre dilligently. 

Handling her "start of school year" stuff and helping her settle down into her new P3 life has been alot easier compared to past years. 

The only thing is...she's still sticking to buying fried noodles during recess hahaha. Tried encouraging her to buy char siew rice/noodles to no avail...I can tell she does want to try it out but is still sticking to fried noodles/jelly/drinks/burger maybe because of the familiarity and because she is apprehensive of the wanton/char siew noodle stall auntie lol. In time to come maybe....Jiayou Nadya!

Tummy

I caved. 

I took Omeprazole on a regular basis to control my stomach acid/gastric issues for a year from Feb/Mar 2019 till Mar 2020. I started it on a daily basis, then cut down to once every 2 days, then once every 3 days before I finally cut it out. I didn't take a single pill since Mar 2020. 

But this round, the acidity has gotten worse over a period of 1.5weeks. Even my breath in the morning smells horrible. The tightness in the chest and "lump in the throat" feeling makes me quite uncomfortable as well, both physically and mentally. 

I caved and took a pill this morning in hopes it will relieve the acidity. 

Fingers crossed. 

周杰伦

不知道为什么周董的歌这几天一直在脑海里游。。

今天就让周董陪我做工吧。。。

Jay Chou playlist here we go!!....Some of the songs in the list....

• 晴天
• 一路向北
• 搁浅
• 简单爱
• 风
• 不能说的秘密
• 七里香
• 安静
• 开不了口
• 还有好多好多好多其他的精选。。。。 

想当年。。。周董，陶喆，孙燕姿，动力火车，五月天，FIR飞儿乐团，伍佰，等等都陪我度过了好多时光。。。

Cruising down memory lane today...it's a cold cold day...my nose is stuffed...

Heart Signal

那初遇的感觉
那开心，害羞，心动的感觉
那纠结，揪心，懊恼的感觉

刚看完了《心动的信号4》中文版
这次是在深圳。整体来说，这次和《心动2》有的比。

Heart Signal 1 was so-so, Heart Signal 3 was disappointing due to a cast member being cut out from all scenes because of his misdemeanours. 

Season 2 was great and this season's pretty much the same, with the same level of heart-fluttering moments and great lines that came out of the show. 

This show is probably made for suckers like me haha. 

I could definitely do without the very very very obvious product placements in the show and the blatant advertising that they made the cast members do. 

Just wondering if the Korean Heart Signal would be having a new season anytime soon....I hope so!

stomach

reflux is back, since a week or so ago. 

heartburn at times, especially while eating. tightness in chest at times. lump in the throat feeling. aching and uncomfortable throat that makes swallowing harder. and that's why i've been taking a much longer time eating these few days. and preceding symptoms were the neckaches and backaches, as well as the occasional slight lightheadedness. 

not sure what triggered it. several possibilities. the few bites of pasta with tomato sauce i had, with the homemade pasta sauce diana passed to me. the desserts i had at the start of the year. the white bread i was having the last few days. the bits of fried stuff i was having for sunday breakfast. they all seem pretty normal to me though. maybe my tummy just decided to wreak some havoc for awhile. 

the lump in the throat feeling makes me uncomfortable and the longer it is around, the more my mind starts to wander and think unnecessary thoughts. 

i guess it's porridge time again?

and i hope warm water helps too. 

i don't want to take omeprazole for a week, not when my booster shot is coming up in another 5 days.

S.O.P.

I'm not the one performing the operational duties on a daily basis. 

I wonder why I'm at times more familiar with the policies and SOPs than the 2 ladies handling these issues on a daily basis. 

Why why why?

How can I train them up better? How can I help them help themselves? How can I get them to be more independent, meticulous and up to speed on things? 

I hate to use age as a factor against them and I truly believe that despite their age, they can do it one....But after various incidents over at least a year, I'm starting to wonder if my belief in them was built on shaky ground.

I want them to do better. But have no real idea what else I can do to get them to up their game. Been mulling over this on and off for a long time....

Wishes

2022. For the year ahead, I hope to:

• Find the strength, determination and self-awareness to keep up with self-care and self-management, including building up my stamina and fitness slowly
• Learn and grow more at work, focus on areas and processes that can be improved (kaizen!), and figure out how to manage and work with my team better so they can grow further as well
• Be a more patient, understanding and organised parent
• Keep up with relationships, both with family and close friends
• Keep up with my hobbies, however varied they may be and whichever my heart brings me to at a particular point in time
• Stay grounded, positive, hopeful and find more peace!

Buzzwords

Intention. Focus. Mindfulness. Kaizen. Self-awareness.

Bienvenue 2022

As usual, 2021 went by in a jiffy. 

2021 felt more stable compared to 2020 though as we were all more or less settled into school and work-from-home routines already and I also started the year being at least 3 months into my new job role. 

While there were some frustrating and sometimes anxiety-inducing lows, there were fulfiling highs as well. 

I am thankful for the good stuff:

1. Happy to have spent time with the girls here and there. I quite enjoyed those months when we weren't allowed to visit others, as meals were at home and we could do stuff together. Though I have to be frank too and admit that there were times when I needed some peace and quiet alone time lol. 
2. Glad that my parents and in-laws are generally doing well. Old age ailments plague my parents here and there but nothing too serious and they also managed to go on at least 3 to 4 cruise trips. Glad they've also managed to keep in contact with their friends. 
3. As we settled into working from home, I'm thankful to be "colleagues" with K at home haha. At least we get to lunch together sometimes and on several occasions we settled errands and groceries together too during lunch.
4.  One long-drawn 2.5year project finally concluded! Other to-do items brough over from past years have slowly been cleared off too!
5. While managing the team brings frustration and exasperation at times, I'm still glad that some team members are very willing & able to work hard and produce good work. Thankful to have heard from an external source that I was put up for promotion by my bosses, though it was eventually rejected by the biggest lady boss who wanted more time to observe. I'm glad to be considered and also glad for it to have been put on hold. I don't hanker for and I don't need a promotion right now. Don't feel I am up to the mark yet. 
6. Managed to dabble in various hobbies from gardening to word search and sudoku puzzles. Managed to explore brush calligraphy a little and even learnt some basic Korean on my own through Coursera. Didn't manage to continue with the Korean or brush calligraphy though due to lack of time. 
7. Glad I kept up with close friends and also managed to meet up with some of them like Ally + PQ, ET, KH, SP + J, etc...

May 2022 bring an abundance of good stuff to the girls, K and I. May we stay blessed, happy and healthy always. Onwards and upwards!! Yeah!

Curtains

Every year in Jan, we go through this cycle of sending our curtains to the laundry. We have 5 sets of curtains: my room X 2 sets, girls' room, study room, and the living room.  

We usually send 4 sets for a wash first: my room X 2, study room & living room. When these are ready, one will be used as a temporary set for the girls' room while their set goes for a wash.

In the meantime, laoniang's room remains bare and naked and laoniang cannot walk half-naked out of the bathroom because the neighbours can see....Laoniang also wakes when it's dawn because the windows let light in fully and when it's mid-day, laoniang can "suntan"...In a way, I feel like I am in a greenhouse haha. 

Once in a year affair....;p

For the record

Milestone achieved.

Nadya trimmed 2 of her fingernails by herself on 29 Dec 2021. One snip got too close to the nailbed though and I took over thereafter...but still....yay! She did it! 

Tried teaching Alyssa how to do it but her fingers lacked the strength and dexterity to handle it so I let it be for now...in time to come....when she's ready. :) 

Songs from the 8yr-old

After her shower....she was somehow in a Chrismassy mood...and started singing....

"Sewer bells, sewer bells.....it's Cwismas time in the city..."

"Sewer bells, sewer bells....soon it will be Cwismas day...!!!"

She's turning out to be as lame as her pare...I mean her Dad....lol.....

Conversations with an 8yr-old

In a restaurant somewhere in Suntec City on the 1st day of 2022. 

Nadya: *grumbles* why is the food taking so long...*whines* I'm hungry....*grumbles* uggghhhh....

Us: It's only been 5 or 10mins. They need time to prepare the food. You need to be patient. 

N: Patience is not my name. 

Bratty much. -_-
When this gets too much and one fine day K loses his own patience with her, she's gonna get it good....

Of plants and....plants!

Serissa seems to have stabilised and is no longer dropping leaves. She might have had a shock during the initial days when she was first brought home and placed in the balcony. She seems pretty ok now and I intend to repot her into a bonsai pot, prune off 2 of her long branches and rewire her a little. I hope my experiment goes well...!

===============
The ficus ginseng is doing well. I pruned off a big branch that was spiralling out of shape and dunked it into a cup of water. That was at least a week or 1.5 weeks ago and the cutting is still doing pretty well. None of the leaves have turned yellow or dropped off! I'm amazed. 

The aerial roots are doing well and some of them have found their way and rooted themselves into the soil below. I'm happy to see this but I'm also wondering, with so many aerial roots rooting themselves in the soil, how do I actually repot the bonsai next time ah.....hmm.....

Time for more youtube videos? Lol.....

===============
I made a simple terrarium each for Ally & Peiqi for Xmas. I'd gotten the airplants about a week or 2 prior to assembling the terrarium and was trying to keep them alive and well haha...

They were simply made, nothing too complicated because, laoniang is not so creative and I think being minimal is still better haha. I think the last time I made them a terrarium for them was almost 10 years ago. Also for Xmas and they were fittonias in round ceramic mugs. 

But hor silly me, I forgot to take a photo this time round. :( 

===============
Ex-neighbours Serene & Chin swung by a couple of days ago on 23 Dec. She was complaining that whatever plant they had on the balcony of their new place seemed to shrivel up. 

I ended up giving them 2 types of my 打不死 的 plants hahhaa....Gave them around 3 to 4 aloe vera babies and another 5 to 6 byrophyllum babies. I hope the babies survive! 

===============
Fingers a little itchy to order some plants. But the minimum order of $100 is putting me off. I saw some really nice bonsai type of plants though...Let's see how....

K & I were at IKEA last week and I wanted to get a pot of ficus ginseng to work on again. But....the stocks at the Alexandra branch were quite dismal with no nice root formations. 

大哥 TY

Had lunch with TY yesterday. A 大哥 whom I've known since 2007 when I joined the company. I knew him for just a few months only before he was seconded out to another agency but he made effort to keep in touch with folks from our side. 2 years later he was posted back to our agency and we resumed our friendship. 

We talked about kids, work, ex-colleagues and some other random stuff. 

While we are not extremely close, I am still thankful for this brother-figure in the organisation. Someone who is quite capable and rather senior who knows the ins and outs of the place. 

He's a bull. Over the years, I find that I get along quite well with bulls, goats (or sheep?), horses, roosters, some rabbits and the occasional rat. ;p

===============
TY & I were at Raffles City for lunch. It seemed like many many people were on leave The place was crowded and my senses were a little overwhelmed. Throngs of people young and old were in the basement. Some just milling around, some queueing for food, others were moving around going somewhere. 

Was thankful that K dropped me off at the building.

I was jittery and had to plug my ears in with some instrumental music when I made my way to the restaurant. Been quite awhile since I felt overwhelmed in a shopping centre and I was glad I had the presence of mind to bring my earphones along. I could feel my palms sweating and my hands/fingers were so fidgety. 

I was glad we were seated against the restaurant counter in a corner, just slightly away from the main bustling area in the restaurant. 

Hang in there Ms Serissa!

I think Ms Serissa is in shock. 

From being sheltered, in aircon and under a growing light, she was moved to a shaded but partially bright area with natural wind and air, and surrounded by new "neighbours". I released part of the wire that was holding her top branches in form as well, as I wanted her to breathe a little better and have a chance to spread out more.

She shedded several leaves this morning when I to check on her. 

I hope she adjusts soon to her new home and neighbours. 

I wanted to repot her and prune her as well but I think I'll lay off and let her settle down first. 

Serissa

Bought a serissa plant yesterday, a tiny one which has been wired into an odd non-bonsai shape haha. 

But good enough for me to experiment and try growing it as a mame bonsai since it's less than 20cm tall.  

I hope I don't kill the plant though...It looks rather cute!

Plants again!

Sort of came to a conclusion that the only plants that seem to thrive under my care (or lack of) are the 

• Various airplants I have
• Indian Borage
• Aloe Vera
• Byrophyllum

The aloes are spring up babies here there everywhere. I went from 2 pots to almost 10 pots at some point. Till I got sick of them and threw a bunch away. I also stopped retrieving the babies and repotting them because.....no space. 

The byrophyllum is another 打不死 plant. Self-propagating with no need to look after. It multiplies like nobody's business and I'd probably have hundreds of them by now. I saw people selling them on shopee for $2 a small pot. I was thinking if I dilligently looked after them and collected all the baby sprouts and sold them, I'd probably be at least $1,000 richer by now. Haha.

The Tillandsias are doing well.
The Caput Medusae I bought online last year spiked earlier this year. I left the spike on but realised the plant would not birth if I left the spike as it was. The plant was using up energy to maintain the spike instead of diverting that energy to birth a pup. I hardened my heart and chopped off the spike and voila.....a pup really appeared within a few weeks. So happy! The pup has been growing steadily and at a fast rate too. The mum expended alot of energy though and is starting to shrivel a little. 

The Xerographica is doing alright and growing longer tendrils. Happy and no qualms about how it's doing!

My plants!!

Wrightia Religiosa
Aka Water Jasmine. Aka 水梅.

I made 2 cuttings from the bonsai over the last weekend. 

I hope they both survive. One is a pure cutting and the other was hived off a section of a root it sprung out from. The latter cutting has some small roots to begin with and I have higher hopes for it. Strangely though, it seems to be doing worse than the other cutting. :(

Some online articles say it takes 6 weeks for a water jasmine cutting to root, others say shorter....Whoever is right...I still need to wait at least a month or more. 

===============
Shopping
I went a little trigger happy and ended up with 4 pots now on their way to me from China. 2 are Nordic style concrete looking ones (and maybe alot less functional but what the heck haha). And the other 2 are somewhat bonsai style pots. I'd prefer simpler plain and glazed ones but somehow ended up with those. 

Shipping was only available by ship so...........the pots will take their time and bob over the sea to me.....I think they'll only arrive in 6 weeks?

===============
Bonsai
Been on a bonsai roll again and am now quite gian to order some plants to make my own bonsai again. Maybe another 2 pots?

The ficus ginseng I did 2 years back will probably be laughed at by a bonsai expert...but oh well...I'm just a noob experimenting haha. At least the plant didn't die and it's thriving with aerial roots appearing recently. So happy to see those aerial roots. Protecting them with straws for the moment, a hack I chanced upon online. I hope they grow strong enough to root into the soil. 

===============
Indian Borage
I had 5 or 6 pots I think. Left one downstairs in the common garden a few months back. (It's still there but getting super unruly). Threw one pot away last Friday. Trimmed back 4 pots to tiny shoots only 2 or 3 inches high. They were getting unruly and had branches growing 40cm tall or drooping down and getting long and scraggly. I couldn't stand the messiness and did some heavy heavy pruning. 

Of appearances and ..... confidence?

Just realised that I've received many comments about or related to my appearance since I was young. Most of them were from my early 20s onwards. 

• Why don't you get braces?
• You should trim your eyebrows.
• Do you want to get lasik?
• Why are you in glasses now? You look better in contacts. 
• You lost weight, you're so skinny. Please eat more. 
•  You look better now with more weight after pregnancy. But you could tone up. 
• Do you want to go for laser skin treatment on your face? 
• Do you want to get botox?
• Maybe you could get eyebrow embroidery. 
• I can bring you to my aesthetician. 
• You have many large open pores, you should use this XXX product to help close them up. 

I usually ignore or say no or just smile, shrug and change topics.

At times, I wonder to myself if I look that terrible. At other times, I wonder if K gets such queries or comments as a guy. 

And I wonder too if the accumulation of such comments over the years sub-consciously affects my confidence and self-image. I sometimes think it does. 

Nadya has recently been talking on and off about "fat", "thin", etc. I don't want her to get an unhealthy mindset about body image and/or having to meet other people's expectations. May need to sit down and talk to her in the future about this if need be. 

Pls germinate!

Been holding off for quite awhile. But with a recent revival of my interest in bonsai, I've finally sown some seeds collected from the Water Jasmine 2 years back. 

I hope the seeds are still ok and I hope at least some of them germinate. I planted 8 of them. Fingers crossed that this noob gets at least 1 sprouting from the 8. 

If I had planted them right after collection 2 years back, who knows, I might have a seedling (or two) worthy of repotting into a bonsai pot by now. 

I've been toying with the idea of digging up a small Water Jasmine plant from the park near my place. But then I'd probably be "damaging" public property. There's no way I can do it in the dark of night as I'd need a torch to see whatever it is I am digging and then someone would see me. There's no way I can do it in broad daylight...someone would spot me too and then I'd appear in a photo sent to NEA or NParks or something. I'd tried to cultivate cuttings from my original plant but to no avail....

So I can only hope the seeds germinate...lol. 

 

Breathe.

Patience is still being tested by the 2 executives. 

After kids, the elasticity of my patience expanded. After having a helper, it expanded too. 

Sometimes, close one eye (or both) lets me live longer and have more....peace. 

With the staff, I never thought my patience would be tested that much again. 

If I cannot change them, do I need to change myself??

Before my already expanded patience expends? 

Year end mad rush

Of work - chasing partners, chasing staff, chasing other teams, penning down performance appraisal points, doing up preliminary workplans and budget for new FY, etc

Of Xmas - gifts, gifts, gifts, wrapping, wrapping, wrapping, meet-ups, research for gifts, never-ending list of gifts to get....neighbours, relatives, friends, family...food...

Of packing - if the old doesn't get thrown out, the new can't come in...

Of prepping for the new school year - books, wrapping, uniforms, shoes, stationery, bags, socks, and everything else in between

Of self - trying to set aside time to think, breathe, reflect, plan, and rest...

Year end...

就这样，又过了一年 。回头看一下，这年是个着么样的一年。

有失有得 ，有进有退，有喜有忧。。。

虽然没什么大突破或能张扬的大成就，但也至少感恩生活，孩子和工作大多是平静的。

今天是十二月一日。。能感觉到自己渐渐地进入个 reflective and pensive mood。

希望这几个星期内能找到一两天属于自己的空间，坐在一旁在自己的思维中游着。

2021

2021 has been a year of....renovations....

I'm surrounded by 3 neighbours. The unit directly in front of me was sold and its new owners did a major overhaul with renovations lasting from Feb till June. The unit diagonally opposite me was just sold and the new owners started renovations in October, which will last till year end. The family in the unit next to me decided to upgrade certain rooms in their apartment and just started renovations today, and it'll be till year end as well. 

All renovations involved major hacking and ceiling work. 

i.e. major dust, major noise, major drilling, major hacking....

My nose is pretty sensitive. I think I'm gonna get another round of itching and runny nose...I hope it doesn't escalate to a cough again...:(

Fingers crossed.

:( 

On a lighter note...the whole year has been full of "renovations" in my work as well...many policy reviews and updates and patching up of SOPs, policies and processes....lol...

Neuro

Saw the neuro doc on 15 Nov. Given the all clear. 

Nothing funky happening in my brain. No recurrence, which is good. He mentioned I need not have an MRI or CT scan for the next 5-10 years at least, or more if I am comfortable with not doing anything. Happy to hear this. 

After 15 years though, the surgical site is still sensitive. Doc said it was normal. Some folks are more sensitive, some less, some end up having that area numb most of the time. We'll all just have to live with it.

So I guess, I still can't lie down on my right side. I still can't brush my hair and touch my scalp in that area. And I still have to remember not to rub too vigorously on that side when I shampoo my hair. 

Other than these small inconveniences, my brain (or my "coconut" as my original neuro surgeon put it)....is all good!

And I thought it was nice of this current neuro doc. He told me: "Don't let this hold you back from anything." So sweet and thoughtful...

下雨了, 打雷闪电了

A loud crack of thunder just rolled off the skies. A damn loud one. 

And my immediate thought was...

"I hope the 2 girls are ok and didn't get scared."

Followed by....

"Wish I could give them a big hug each right now..."

My little babies...Mama hopes you're doing fine...

The tunnel

Thankful to the nurses & technicians who were extremely patient and reassuring this afternoon. 

I must have seemed like a small scared child. But one of the ladies assured me that while there were many folks who were ok with an MRI and being in the tunnel, there were equally as many who were very nervous about it. 

And so voila, MRI & MRA are done. 16 years later after my brain surgery on 11 October 2005. 

New doc on my case ordered the MRI to be done because the old MRI, MRA and CT scans from back then were grainy "as technology wasn't that great then and many improvements have been made".

Thankful it is over. I did consider pushing the appointment back but that was just delaying what would be an inevitable scan. 

And I went for the scan alone. Whee!

Not so whee! though....when I saw the bill...even with 50% government subsidy, the bill came up to $1,122.....

Like what K said....it's buying a peace of mind...

#%$^@%&#^#

Pissed and upset. 

There's a project initiated by the technical team. 4 team leads were supposed to split the work and provide inputs on each person's assigned areas, by a deadline. 

I did my part early on, eager to get it off my plate and focus on other issues which were piling up. 

And now. They are saying that they want to approach the project differently instead, using a totally different method. i.e. whatever I did is down the drain. 

Like WTF? 

Nabeh laoniang put in time and effort and was the first to provide inputs but have now been "penalised" and need to redo everything in a radically different way?? The rest of the team leads who did not bother to work on this project yet, are ironically now better off. 

I will niam and I will be pissed. I'd give myself this at least. My anger is not unfounded. 

But I can't do anything too, except suck thumb. 

I'll get over it soon. I hope. 

Birthday

老娘四十一岁了。算不算是中年期？

Is that the right term for "middle-aged" in Chinese? 

Lol anyway...I was thankful. Had 2 surprises on Saturday. One came in the morning, a sweet flower box with sunflowers, roses and some other flowers I don't know the names to. The colours were very cheery and sweet! The flower box came partnered with a Cedele cake haha. From besties Ally & PQ!

The second one delivery came in the afternoon. A musical "box" with a wooden base and 2 girl figurines on top, with a dog and a teddy bear, and a rubber rainbow. It had an airplant glued on to it as well. From lovely Kah Hui! 

Here's to being in my 40s!

I hope to learn more and continue improving myself bit by bit here and there. I hope to stay healthy and happy. And...I hope all my loved ones around me, friends and family included, stay blessed, healthy and happy too! 

Conversation Between a 6yr-old and an 8yr-old

Alyssa: I don't want to go to gymastics tomorrow. I hate gym, I shouldn't have chosen gym. 

Nadya: (launched into a 5-minute spiel) Well, you still have tonight and part of tomorrow morning to think for yourself and tell yourself that you can do it. You know...you can take this as a challenge and think of how you can push through and handle this challenge. Just don't give up or say you cannot do it. You must say that you can do it so that you can, and then you really can do it! If you find yourself falling into a hole or getting stuck, try not to dig yourself deeper into the hole. But think how you can get out of the hole. Find a solution! ......

And Nadya said a lot more but I couldn't remember the rest of it lol. 

Was kinda surprised she said so much and part of me hoped she would remind herself of these words when she herself starts getting whiny. Heh. 

Sumikko Gurashi!

Because of Alyssa, I'm falling in love with Sumikko Gurashi too haha. 

Sibei cute. We're trying to learn all the characters' names now haha. 

And I went on a small rampage last week and ordered $30+ worth of small Sumikko knick-kacks from acrylic keychains to soft toy keychains, stickers, files and correction tape lol...

Can't quite tell which is my fav character though...they're all so darn cute...

Of Beads and Math....

Inlaws recently gifted the girls with a small abacus each. 

And so now, I've taken to learning how to use it. YouTube & Google are my good friends lol....

Taking this opportunity to get Alyssa started on her "ones, tens, hundreds" concept since she'll be learning it next year in P1. 

活到老学到老?

Lol....

Conversations with a 6yr-old

Alyssa said this to me the other day and got me feeling all warm and fuzzy. 

"Mama, you are good at making people feel nice, happy and special!"

Thank you sweetie, for making Mama feel nice, happy and special too...:)

New hobby of sorts

Recently started reading some online books and stories. Mostly of the lycan/werewolf/supernatural genre. 

Some are downright tacky and trashy. Some have horrible English, with terrible spelling, equally terrible grammar and non-existent proof-reading. I drop these immediately these like hot coals. 

But there are some which are bearable and some riveting enough to keep me wanting to read more. I'm surprised there's a current story I am reading where I've learnt some new vocabulary as well. 

Lol....here's to more lycans and werewolves and vampires entertaining me in the weeks and months to come! 

Dental

Today's dental session took alot out of me. I'd postponed it for a year plus....so might as well get it over and done with already.

The queueing and waiting for my antibiotics, and the subsequent snack at the foodcourt and downing of 8 pills took some mental effort and energy. The cleaning session itself took the bulk of whatever energy I had left lol. 

The new lady dentist was a nice and sweet, and very young thing. She commended me for good brushing and flossing and said my teeth were doing pretty good. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt like a small child being praised by a teacher and my chest puffed with pride lol. 

But for some reason, today's cleaning and scaling was quite uncomfortable. That praise did little to quell the tension I had. 

The jazz music the dentist played in the background didn't quite ease the situation too lol. Not when I could hear drilling from next door and the sounds of the various apparatus in my own room. 

I think I was tense all throughout the 30mins or so. With some parts more tense than other times. I remember suddenly realising my fists were clenched, and at other times, they were clasped tightly together in a prayer position. Didn't realise I was frowning as well till the dentist told me afterwards. 

Maybe I've not cleaned my teeth for more than a year and have forgotten the invasive and abrasive feeling of it. The loud sounds, the way the metal tool (scraper?) goes under your gumline, the way the other tube sucks out whatever liquid there is in your mouth, the way your lips are pulled......

The last tooth she cleaned, was painful. I could feel the bitter copper taste of blood on my tongue the moment she started on that tooth. It shocked me when I rinsed my mouth with clear water after she was done, and spit out red liquid instead. :( 

I was tired after the session. Mentally. 

All I wanted to do was go home and hide in my room.
And maybe catch a few winks to recharge my battery.

Jiayou! At least I've gotten over this session.
The next check-up is in 6 months...but as usual errr....I will postpone and drag it till....9 months or 1 year ;p

Time. Things. Wishes.

A little unwilling. That time has managed to slip by me that fast again. 

I thought I was just celebrating CNY and taking stock of my team's workplan items for the new financial year (which starts in March). 

And then now, it's October already. We're officially into the last quarter of the calendar year. And officially midway through the financial year. 

It's my birthday month. And Christmas is coming. 

Too fast. Too fast. 

Slow down please. 

I want to look at baby sprouts growing. I want to lie down and watch the clouds float by. 

I want to get a day when I can sleep all the way and wake up naturally instead of getting woken up by an alarm or by someone. 

I want to get some weeks where I can just sit alone with a clear unoccupied mind instead of having some mental load on my mind. 

Grew more white hair in the past 12 months alone, than in the last 5 years (or 10?). 

Soon it'll be a rush for presents, and spring cleaning, and performance appraisals, and then getting new notes and new clothes thereafter. 

May all be well. May all be peaceful and smooth. May all be healthy and happy. 

Hmm....

Experiencing some symptoms and behaviour reminiscent of 2 years back. 

Thought I was managing myself alright. 

Ok..breathe! 

Remember....Thoughts --> Feelings --> Behaviour

Therefore, manage the root better....

24 September 2021

Alyssa turned 6!

She had a full day of activities that Friday lol. She wanted to travel by bus and train (since we usually travel by car) and she wanted to catch a movie and eat BK. 

K had a father-daughter date with her. He brought her out and took the bus to Paya Lebar, then switched to the train and went all the way to Nex to catch Boss Baby 2 with her. Lunch was at BK, hung around a little at a pet shop at Nex and then came back home. 

She was too buzzed to take her afternoon nap. Anyway, she's been trying to skip it once in a while these days, saying she's getting bigger already. :) So she and I spent some time in the afternoon doing some craft and conducting an experiment over what items found in my bedroom will float or sink. 

She wanted to eat Sushiro for dinner, so we all trooped down to fetch Nadya from her student care centre and popped by Sushiro. She indulged in all her favourite stuff like unagi sushi, prawn tempura, squid sushi, and crabstick tempura sushi. Nadya took her usual tamago sushi, chawanmushi, crabstick tempura sushi, and some others I cannot remember now haha. 

Got a rich chocolate cake and then went back home to sing her a birthday song, blow candles and have dessert. 

I think Alyssa thoroughly enjoyed herself that day. :) Happy to see her happy. 

Conversations with a 6yr-old and an 8yr-old

24 September 2021. Alyssa's 6th birthday. 
Both girls had an argument in the evening over something (I can't recall by now). 

Nadya came into my room with furrowed brows and asked me: "Mama, Alyssa told me that you said to her you wished you didn't give birth to me. Is this true?"

I was alarmed. Those were harsh hurting words. I said no such thing. And where on earth did the small one hear of such stuff? 

Had to allay Nadya's fears and reassure her first. I then went into their bedroom and spoke to Alyssa but couldn't find out much from her on where she'd picked up those words from. Chided her gently for falsely telling Nadya that I said those things as well. 

And had to reassure both girls that Mama loves them alot and would never say such things to them. 

I hope they're reassured. 

Conversations with an 8yr-old

27 Sept 2021. Monday.
Start of a 2-week HBL period. 

Nadya: Mama! We can eat Dada you know?

Me: Har?? 

N: Ya! Because he is Kueh Dadar! 

N: *guffaws*

-_-''  

Lol...lately she's been dishing out more 冷笑话s. Wonder where she's getting them from. Probably from friends in school or her student care centre....

Of Sumikko Gurashi and Tears....

We have Sunday evenings as mini-movie nights.
Mini because we don't do a full movie but just 30-35mins. So a movie is split over 3-4 Sundays to finish up. 

We recently did the Sumikko Gurashi movie. There was no spoken dialogue and most of the character's thoughts and feelings were captioned on the screen in Japanese words instead. There were English subtitles too. I wondered though, if Nadya could read the subtitles fast enough, and if Alyssa could even understand any of it at all. 

The movie ended on a sad note though, when one of the characters had to stay back in its own alternate universe. It had to be separated from the rest of its friends and could not join them in their world. 

When it came to that ending scene, I heard a whimper from Nadya (who was sitting next to me) and was surprised to see her tearing up and crying mildly. What shocked K & I even more was when Alyssa burst out crying as well and continued bawling for a long time after. 

It was full-fledged crying. Red eyes. Snot. Constant stream of tears. Heaving. Hitching. 

My heart felt so bad for her...She was so saddened by the movie's ending. She had latched on to K and refused to let go so he had to spend quite some time consoling her....

Now I know. They probably take after me when watching shows. I cry at every single shit. Lol....

Walk

It was a beautiful morning. 

The trees stood tall and proud. 

Leaves heavy with dew glistened under the sun's rays. 

Leaves fluttered down from the trees and dotted the pathways. 

The shrubs lining the path connector felt fresh and happy. 

Some plants were in full bloom and the bright flowers added pretty swathes of colours to the scene. 

It was warm and the sun was strong, but the air felt fresh and crisp as well. 

I walked with light steps. 

Refrains from Maroon 5's "Memories" and Jason Mraz's "Live High" played continuously in my mind.

I was glad I got to see a koel up close. My first time ever.

Well, 2m up in a tree but it was still the closest I've ever been to a koel. 

Dark brown feathers speckled with lighter brown spots. 

Its eyes were reddish with a black iris. And they gleamed in the sun. 

I stood there watching for a few minutes before I bid it goodbye and continued with my walk. 

Saw a few puppies today as well. 3 of them. Really cute ones. 

A brown poodle, a black german shepherd looking puppy and a white one that looked like a maltipoo.

They happily smelt each other and interacted briefly before their owners led each of them away.

I wondered what the puppies said to each other. 

And if they felt sad they couldn't stay and play longer.  

I was glad I didn't meet any neighbour on my journey. 

I don't like being interrupted during my walks. 

It is my time away from others. A time to be with myself.

And if needed, a time to clear my mind of anything. 

Having to take my time away from my personal bubble to chat with someone else feels a little intrusive.

I was happy to see the willows keeping well and the papaya trees growing well too. 

Many of the bougainvillea shrubs were in full bloom. The pinwheel jasmines were flowering as usual. 

Was glad to greet my favourite clump of bamboo trees lining a pathway on my way back home. 

Me-time is nice. 

21 Aug 2021

We finally bought a table-top grill/BBQ/hotplate last month. 

And we did a mini home BBQ session last Saturday on our balcony haha. K was the chef, I was his assistant, helper was prepper, and the kids were.....the customers lol. 

Pork belly, swiss brown mushrooms, shabu beef, prawns, squid, beef patty, chicken, tau geh, scallion, lettuce, hot dogs...K made his own burgers too haha...

Anyway, it was fun and yummy (and oily lol) and we were watching the NDP performances at the same time too. 

Food was good, company was good, NDP performances were great...

It was a happy Saturday 21 Aug 2021 evening!  

bits....and...pieces!!

Went back to the office yesterday for a couple of hours. Was happy to catch up and spend time with ST. 

Was happy too to get my new laptop and catch up with some of the tech guys who were there. :) 

But I realised, being the introvert that I am, and having not physically spoken to so many people face to face for a long long time (save for meals with the extended family), I felt quite drained after that lol. Could literally feel my battery juice and energy run low. :D

==========

And so, after 10 years, I'll be back to using a Thinkpad. I started out with an IBM Thinkpad in this place in 2007, sought it over from the company when the 3-year refresh period was up and eventually passed the laptop on to my FIL who tinkered with it for awhile before it finally kaput. 

Pending some other set-up to be done and configured first before I switch over to the new laptop. It's a Lenovo Thinkpad now haha. 

==========

Pumpkin sprouts are growing well! But I have no idea what t do with them thereafter.... haha...Haven't had the chance to do any research also...will have to play by ear when they get bigger and taller....

==========

Meet-ups and gatherings in the next 2-3 weeks. Plus a much needed haircut. Hope my hairdresser is available on my off day. I've not cut my hair for 14 months. And it's getting very unruly at the ends...I need to lop off at least 4-5 inches I think....

Of bits and pieces

Dr Mok gave me an affirmation yesterday. 

"You are very self-aware. Some people don't even know what's wrong or which areas to fix. You are also a determined person and put in effort to manage things."

I just have to remind myself again and again not to overthink. Because our thoughts influence our feelings, which in turn influence our actions and behaviours. 

===============

坚持是雄壮的。- Dennis Chew, on Hear You Out Season 2 Episode 4.

Pushed myself hard back in Sec 4. Pushed hard in the last year of uni. Pushed hard on and off in the last 9 years. 

有时候觉得累， 有时候觉得骄傲。

有时候觉得不知道自己在干什么， 只知道自己只能往前走。

Keep walking, keep going. 

I might be slower than some others or taking a longer time but I'll keep at my pace and my comfort level, just as long as I keep walking. 

===============

A certain Mr Fernando told my friend during my internship when I was 21 years old that "Michelle will not survive in the corporate world when she goes out to work next time." 

His comment pops up from time to time. It can lie dormant for several years and then something triggers that memory and the comment floats up again. 

Not sure if my striving hard at work has anything to do with proving him wrong. Yeah, I'm not private sector corporate per se, but I think I'm still doing well enough in the public sector. 

And at my own pace. I am not very ambitious. I don't actively seek out chances or opportunities so I can shine. I don't look for work or new projects to showcase myself. I just sit and wait in my corner. If there is an opportunity that happens along, and I feel I can take it, then I do so.....

Just thankful for all that has come by in my working life....good or bad...

One of those days....

One of those days where I feel a little deflated, and wondering what am I doing at work, whether I'm doing things right, whether I'm doing ok as a team head, whether I'm growing at all and helping my team to grow and develop, and whether I'm doing things as I should be...

One of those days where I feel like I'm flapping around rather than "winging it". 

One of those days where I'd rather be taking orders 100% than making decisions here and there. 

One of those days where I wonder if I had any gumption at all. 

One of those days....

~I love it when you call me senorita!~

The girls came home yesterday evening and were getting ready for their shower. Both started singing.

Alyssa: ~I love it when you call me senorita! Na na na na...It's true la-la-la..!!~

Nadya: ~They say ...na na na...I see the way you shine!...na na na...dance for me dance for me dance for me oh oh oh....move for me move for me move for me eh eh eh-eh!~

When I was 6 or 8, I think the songs in my head were mainly Tom Jones or Engelbert Humperdinck or at the most Michael Jackson or whatever oldies were playing on the radio at that point in time...

Now my kids are singing "Senorita" by Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello, and "Dance Monkey" by Tones & I.

Lol...

Time flies.

I miss their chubbiness. Their chubby faces, chubby arms and legs, chubby fingers, chubby backsides, chubby everything!

I miss the times when I can easily carry them from room to room or from place to place. When they were so small they could fit into the nook of my arms or rest comfortably on my tummy. 

I miss the times Nadya would fall asleep on my chest and tummy for her weekend afternoon naps.

I miss the days when I still had to put them into a high chair to they could eat comfortably at a dining table. 

I miss the days when the blankets covered them easily from neck to toe. 

I miss the days when a simple trip downstairs or to the playground would be enough to keep them occupied and be happy. 

I miss the days when both of them would knock out in the afternoons for their nap. 

I miss the tiny pattering of feet around the house. 

I'm holding thin hands and fingers and hugging thin frames now. 

I can only barely carry Alyssa now and trying to carry Nadya is out of the question. 

Only Alyssa sometimes wants to lie on my thigh for awhile now, just before she goes to sleep for the night. 

Both girls are in their own chairs now and wielding their own forks and spoons. Nadya uses her chopsticks pretty well now too. 

While Nadya still uses the same blankets she's been using since she was a baby, they barely cover her now and her feet always stick out lol. She refuses to stop using them. 

Books, chats, craft sessions, and more are needed to keep them occupied now. 

Only Alyssa still naps now but that'll be a thing of the past when she goes into P1 next year and starts getting used to the primary school + student care routines. 

I only hear loud shrieks and loud (heavier steps) around the house now haha...

But yes, while I miss those days when they were still young and oh so cute...But I do treasure the times now too...for who knows...they may not even want to hang out with their parents in a couple of years from now...

keep going.

You grew up in a certain way. You were brought up in a certain way. 

Some of these certain ways did not leave positive marks on your life and on yourself. 

You tell yourself not to do it when you become a parent yourself. 

You try and you remind yourself. 

But sometimes, certain things are so ingrained in you.

You don't even realise you're doing it until you've done it. 

You get discouraged and feel guilty. You wonder if you're any good at this parenting stuff. 

You try again. You fall again. You try again. 

And sometimes you fall again. Self-doubt creeps in as well. 

Just. 

Keep going. 

Bits & Pieces

Bossa Nova jazz accompanies me at work on this cold cold morning.
Streaming it from a 24/7 Youtube channel called "Cafe Music BGM channel". Been listening to their channel for 2 weeks now. Pretty good. 

And...it's Youth Day today! A small part of me still feels young and impressionable. So.....I can still celebrate it right? ;p And this will include snacking on Frosties this afternoon ;p

Will try to start doing arm dips?...K (and online sources) said they're good for all 3 parts of the triceps...
Lapsed on the squats so I should get those going again too...lol...

Learning Korean online is going pretty well. A little slow-going at times, especially when work and kids take up alot of time, but I think I'm doing good enough. I can read and write some basic words and I think I can write simple words based on how they sound phonetically too. Will keep going on this! 

Jiayou to me for today will be a day dedicated to planning, policy review and some policy research work. Oh, and maybe some workplanning & target setting work as well. 

Fighting!

要来了

coming soon or probably already here...

my acid reflux and gastric issue...

signs to know it's here....sensitive throat, on and off coughing when throats gets irritated, tight throat sometimes that makes swallowing more challenging and I need to be more careful, upper arms on and off aching, sometimes feels like there's a lump in my throat, one ulcer starting up in my mouth, tight upper gut with some cramping up last night, general lethargy (couldn't get out of bed these 2 mornings)...

ok...I've been eating more frivolously in the last 1-2 months...and I wolfed down my lunch on Sunday in less than 10mins....

It's about time my stomach acts up...I can just about guess the cycle already...

Time to self-manage and control my meals more again...

Only thing is...I've ordered in advance Mac for lunch today lol...Ok it's gonna be my last indulgent meal....before a week or 2 of more light eating...

肌肉山山

Took me awhile but I recently found this Korean-Chinese Youtuber, who's been around for at least 4 years I think. 

Content's a little duh at times but overall good and happy vibes. Sincere and didn't look too forced, at least for some of the videos I've watched. 

Unique mix of both Chinese & Korean speech and culture. I found that interesting. 

Yes I can!

Saw this on IG:

1. I can overcome this by creating a safe space for myself.
2. I am worthy, valuable, and more than enough.
3. I deserve happiness, and I can achieve it. 
4. I become more resilient everyday that I push through.
5. I forgive myself for past mistakes and choices that didn't work out. 
6. I become better everyday as long as I get up and give my all. 
7. I don't compare myself to anyone else because I was meant to be different. 
8. I know that each day is a new start and a new chance for happiness. 

Reminder to self. 

Especially on 4, 5, 6, 8.

throaty

Had half a yew chak kueh late yesterday morning. And a packet of cold ribena during lunch.

And had a slight scratchy throat by the time afternoon came...

zzzz....throat's pretty sensitive these days...

We are spies!!

***Cue James Bond music***

Been awhile since I had a weird-ass drama dream haha.
It had funkiness, familiarity, nostalgia, jealousy, heart flutterings, disdain, and a whole load of other emotions all meshed together. 

And so......

***Cue some more James Bond music***

K and I were spies. Specifically, spies in a secondary school. As secondary school students. At our current age. (I know right...*roll eyes*) 

But I don't know what we were supposed to be spying about, who we were spying for, and who we were spying on! Lol...this premise wasn't "stated" in the dream haha...

Anyway, there was a girl student older than the usual age of Sec 3 or Sec 4 students cos she was a transfer student from overseas. She had quite a blatant crush on K as she found him alot more mature compared to the other Sec 3 & 4 guys. (I mean of cos lah, he's a 40-yr-old acting as a 16-yr-old). She followed him around and tried to have her recess meals with him. K tried to "fend off" this girl by hanging out with me instead lol.

And for me, I had a fresh graduate Math teacher who was somehow enamoured with me and tried to get close to me. He too found he could relate to me as I was alot more mature compared to other students. I don't remember how he looked like in the dream, but I think he wore glasses. I remember telling him to stay away from me and not get too close, and I almost blurted out that I was already married but bit my tongue and held back.....cos well...spy mah, cannot reveal real identity LOL. 

The dream cut to a scene where we were all hanging out at the school canteen after school. For some absolutely strange reason, the rest of my secondary school friends ended up there as well. And ALL OF US were undercover i.e. 40-yr-olds masquerading as secondary school kids. 

I saw Parwin and Peiqi sitting next to us and having their meals. We were all talking and chatting while having our meals. Ally was buying her food and bringing her tray over to sit with us. I don't remember who else was there specifically. It was a blur of faces around K and I and I had the impression Eugene and TH were floating around somewhere too. I remember thinking to myself "Wah, this spy project is growing to such a big scale that they (the spy organisation and folks behind all this) had to rope in my friends as well??!!"

I don't know which school we were in exactly. The guys were all in white shirts and long pants. Us girls looked like we were in KC uniforms (looks like Tao Nan's uniform too lol) but how could we have been in a co-ed secondary school if we were in KC? Lol....I heard someone mention Chung Cheng in the dream and also Dunman High but the uniforms look nothing like those schools. 

Anyway.......

While we were hanging out at the canteen, the girl who had a crush on K was still in the background trying to join us at the long table and sit next to him. I gave her dagger eyes, not that she cared haha. The rest of us "complained" that we all flunked our tests...(cos who the hell at age 40 remembers their secondary school syllabus? haha.....)

And then....

My alarm rang....

And the dream ended abruptly so I never knew what happened to that teacher who had a crush on me, or what we were spying on or who paid us lol.....

SO amusing and fun hahaha. :D

Staff

Dealing with 2 staff that needs alot of hand-holding zaps energy and patience out of my workday sometimes. 

Glad that I have a manager in between them and myself to weed out more nonsense stuff. But somestimes things like HR and interpersonal matters, and more complex operational issues still come to me. 

Reminder to myself to take deep breaths and not let these 2 staff affect me and my thoughts too much. 

Age, EQ and level of competence are some things I cannot control and I just have to learn how to accept things, and with various pinches of salt as well. 

I have various spurts of optimism and try to guide and teach and hope they improve. I don't know if I'm setting myself up for disappointment because the higher the hope and expectation, the more disappointment and frustration there will be. Sometimes I still try, and then I find banging against the wall, and I get pek chek, and....the cycle repeats. 

Maybe one day I will really give up. I don't know...Just cos someone's 50+ yrs old doesn't mean they can't learn and better themselves right? 

Vaxx

1st jab done on 9 June. 

Took alot of energy out of me trying to manage my fears and worries. Still taking some energy out of me but I will manage myself and I will get over it. Because I can. 

Yes I can. 

Jason Mraz

Jason Mraz accompanies me for work today. Specifically his Live showcase @ EBS in 2014 in Korea. 

I used to be enamoured with him. And managed to see him live back in 2012 when he came by to perform at Gardens by the Bay. Somehow got to listening to him again recently. 

Dad

Adrian texted me this morning at 745am. Rare for him to text me, even rarer for him to text me so early in the morning. 

He wanted to tell me he's trying to get Dad to get hearing aids. Apparently Dad's hearing is getting quite bad, especially his right ear. Told Adrian that I hope Dad won't be as stubborn as how Granny was back on those days. I remember it took my Dad & Aunt YEARS to nag at her before she relented, and also because she couldn't hear the TV anymore. 

Told Adrian to get Mum to speak to Dad as well. It's funny because Adrian shared that Mum can't talk to Dad much. Either he cannot hear her properly and misinterprets what she's saying and they both start arguing, or either one loses patience with the other and they end up arguing again. Whatever it is, they both end end up arguing lol. 

I'll see what I can do...told Adrian I'll try to do some research on my end as well...on cost, types of aids available, brands and providers around...

As we watch our kids grow bigger, we ourselves grow older day by day...and our parents get older and older too...Such issues are coming up slowly...I'll need to learn how to adapt and handle them too..."parenting" the parents is one of them... 

Jiayou Michelle

Got abit overwhelmed and light-headed earlier on. With slight chest pain.

5 people reaching out to me at the same time, including Nadya asking me stuff about her offline school work. 

Got quite frustrated with 2 of them. One's a complaint on work attitude and ethics between 2 of my subordinates i.e. HR matter. Another's a query which should not have been handled by me but by another of my subordinate. But somehow came to me.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe. 

Hot Hot Sibei Hot!!

The weather is @#$@$&%^*#$W^%$.

Sibei hot. 

I toss and turn at night cos of the heat and humidity. Back of my neck and my back gets sticky and it makes me uncomfy. Turning on the aircon makes my nose get stuffed. The fan helps a little but I still get sticky....

So....suck thumb....

Bah..!!

I hope it rains today!!

Reminder to Self

Can feel myself backsliding a little. 
Had a small episode where I freaked out at the possibility of a loud noise happening. It's been a year since something like this happened. 

Reminder to self to take things in stride, take things easier and self-manage more.
记得，要拿得起放的下，看开多一点，放开多一点。 

Trying your best is ok. Just don't try your best till you neglect yourself and your own well-being. 

K reminded me too that it's a good sign that my "freaking out" happened after a long interval of a year, compared to the previous time when the interval was maybe in terms of months. True that.

Realised HBL escalated and sped up the stress. Especially when juggling work.
Thankful that HBL's just till the end of this week. 

Breathe. 
You can do this. 
Yes, you can!

Memories

What a coincidence. Previous post is also titled "Memories".

Today's post is about the song "Memories" by Maroon 5. Lovely catch tune. Lovely vocals from Adam Levine yet again. And I love the lyrics too. 

Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember, when I did not know no pain
When I believed in forever, and everything would stay the same
Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name
'Cause I can't reach out to call you, but I know I will one day, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember when I never felt so lost
When I felt all of the hatred was too powerful to stop (ooh, yeah)
Now my heart feel like an ember and it's lighting up the dark
I'll carry these torches for ya that you know I'll never drop, yeah

Everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody hurts someday, ayy ayy
But everything gon' be alright
Go and raise a glass and say, ayy

Here's to the ones that we got (oh)
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through (no, no)
Toast to the ones here today (ayy)
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories (ayy)
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo
Memories bring back, memories bring back you
Doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo (ooh, yeah)
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, doh, doh
Memories bring back, memories bring back you

Memories

Spent an hour plus going through and re-packing a box I brought back from the old Tampines flat. 

It was labelled "Memories" and held many things inside, mostly letters and cards I'd received since I was in P4 and 5 onwards, some autograph books, some diaries and some stuff I'd made (with my Granny's help) for my Sec 1 & Sec 2 Home Econs hand-sewing projects. I think there were 2 or 3 secondary school magazines as well, because they featured interviews with me and Ally. Lol, we were the 2 with the highest number of distinctions in our O-levels. 

Brought back many memories going through that box. I spent a long long time flipping through a diary as well. Realised I started journalling since I was in P5 or 6...some years it was quite regular and some years I'd only have 2 or 3 entries. I think uni years were busy so I didn't write at all. Plus I remember spending more time online on a forum than journalling. I didn't as well when I started working. And only picked it up again in 2004...till now. Of course, the last 17 years of journalling has been an online thing on this blog. 

I think it helps...I'll suggest this to the girls next time when they get older. It'll be fun I think, if they are keen on it. :) 

That diary I was looking at today brought back many thoughts and memories. Reading through my own detailed descriptions, I could remember how I'd felt during those times when I was 15, 16, 17, 18, 19...Strangely, most of what I'd written was on teenage angst, BGR, and crushes that sort of thing. Family issues were simple mentions...Didn't realise I had my fair share of "suitors" when I was young...ahem. Hahaha...

I also found a pile of handwritten letters written when I was in P4, P5, P6 and one from when I was in Sec 2. They were letters to God. Most likely written at a time when my Granny was still attempting to get me to pray to God every night before bed. The letters were very short ones. But at least 2 were a little morbid...where I asked God to let me be reincarnated into a rich family next time or be reincarnated as a horse or a well-loved pet dog. (Strange thoughts for a young kid). 

I wonder what I would say to the 15-year-old me...or the 18-year-old me...  

13 May little adventure

Alyssa requested to take the train and bus one day and we thought it would be a good idea too since the girls are usually chauffeured around in cars. Only when K goes on reservist once a year or when the car is out for servicing then they'd get the chance to take the bus or taxi. 

We scheduled this little trip on Hari Raya morning. Walked down our lorong and took a bus to Paya Lebar Square, had breakfast at Mac and then took the train from Paya Lebar to City Hall. From City Hall, we explored on foot in the hot hot sun and visited the Civilian War Memorial. From there we crossed an underpass to get to Esplanade Park and we saw the Padang, Tan Kim Seng Fountain and the Cenotaph. We stumbled upon a small playground there and let the girls run around abit. I caught my breath there for awhile. 

We then turned back and took an underpass that connected to Citylink mall and ended up at Tim Ho Wan for a light lunch. I think it's been a good 10yrs since I've stepped into Citylink. Ever since my workplace shifted from Suntec to Pasir Panjang, I've not really been to that area. It used to be my "playground" lol and I hung around Bugis, City Hall, and Suntec so much. I was in awe of the changes there. 

I think the girls had a good time that day....and I am thankful for that. 

==========
On a separate note, I am thankful that I did well enough that day. I would have freaked out if I were to do that trip alone. K and the girls were with me and that alone gave me much strength and comfort. 

I still had some jitters though. It was pretty manageable when taking the bus, and I was ok till we got to Paya Lebar MRT station. The sudden throngs of people milling around just outside the station and the people walking around within the station did get to me. Slight sensory overload with the noise and chatter and comings and goings.  I kept my eyes mostly on the ground and focused on the girls...In my mind was a constant reminder to "Breathe. It's ok. You can do this. Focus on the girls. Breathe. K is with you." It got better on the train and thereafter things were pretty manageable. 

It was a good "challenge" for myself that day...both in terms of taking public transport and walking around outside...

Green morning

Spent some time this morning with some of my plants

Water Jasmine/Water Plum Bonsai
Happy with how this fella's turning out. It's come a long way, having survived an attack of mealy bugs a year ago and spider mites maybe 6mths ago. Earlier this year it starting shedding leaves quite vigorously and I got quite worried when it looked quite bald and weak at some point. 

I've been feeding it with organic compost every 1.5 - 2 mths in recent months and it seems to be doing alot better. Greener leaves, many new shoots and flower buds. I hope it stays this way and stays healthy too.

Airplants
The xerographica looked quite dormant and wasn't growing much. Gave it a soak a couple of days ago. It was supposed to be just a 30mins - 1hr soak but laoniang's bird-brain forgot about it and it stayed in the tub for a couple of hours instead. I was worried it would get too water logged or something but it turned out still okay. In fact, its younger leaves seem to have an extra spring and zest to them these 2 days. Maybe the extra long soak did it well haha...:) 

The druids and ionanthas with babies are all doing well. One of the caput medusaes spiked for at least 1.5 - 2mths before it finally flowered. The spike turned a very bright shade of red before the flowers started appearing. Several blooms, which popped out one after another with a few days in between...there were 5 flowers so far....so that means the flowering took place over maybe 3 weeks or so....coupled with the spiking, the whole process took almost 2.5 to 3 months...wah....I'm anticipating a pup to pop out soon...hopefully it does "give birth" to a pup! 

The tiniest baby which ST gave me for my birthday last year has outgrown its terrarium home. Its leaves were starting to curl a little due to the limited space it was in. I've brought it out to be in the wider open space with its other siblings now...hopefully its leaves will grow into a nicer shape again. 

Ficus Ginseng Bonsai
This little one is not so little anymore. I'm proud of it! Its leaves are pretty lush now and looking green and fresh! It wasn't doing very well in its first year and was extremely bald and shrivelled at one point. But it has since flourished after I had an epiphany and started feeding it with organic compost once every 1.5 to 2mths or so. :) This is the very first bonsai I created and it holds a special place in my heart. So far....it's the only one I created and managed to survive haha...I'm not even sure if I created it correctly as a bonsai plant but oh well....noob here. ;p Just mighty happy that it's doing well enough...and looking plump and happy again. 

Aghast

Recently read that in our closest country neighbour, there's been a long "culture" of schools and even madrasahs physically checking girls to see if they are really telling the truth when they say they are on their periods and hence cannot go for prayers. Apparently it has become the the teachers' quest to "catch" girls who they think are falsely proclaiming this so that the girls can "get out of" or "siam" their daily prayers.  

Both male or female teachers undertake various forms of checking including: feeling the girls' crotch area to see if they are really wearing sanitary pads, literally asking the girls to pull down their underwear, asking the girls to dab their private area with a tissue and showing the teacher the stained tissue later, etc. 

Some young girls recently spoke out on this matter and the issue has been gaining momentum. 

I was aghast and somewhat angry when I read of this "culture". Like what shitty thing is this? A school should be a safe environment, not one where your teachers feel you up. It's criminal if a male teacher does this! And even if it was a lady teacher doing the checks, it doesn't make it any more legit. No girl should be subject to such humiliating, uncomfortable and stressful situations!! No girl should have to "prove" that she is on her period or not. 

Maybe I have 2 girls and that's why I felt indignant. I hope MY's lawmakers and politicians take a stand on this matter and make reforms where necessary. Culture and mindset is indeed an ingrained thing and may take a long time to be eradicated or changed, but I sincerely hope they make headway on this. 

Big Auntie

She came to visit on Labour Day and brought me much discomfort. 

Was a little doubled-over on Saturday afternoon. I was bloated, crampy, had a bad lower backache.....and was....well....sibei bloated. I even considered taking panadol to manage the discomfort, a thought which had never crossed my mind once in all of the 30 years that I've been having menses. Didn't help that I had a bout of diarrhoea on Friday night. 

The older I get, the more jialat the effects are....especially this past year maybe? 

Was feeling crampy and bloated yesterday as well but it was better than Saturday. 

The bloatedness is still there today but strangely, now my thighs are sore like shit. 

Ganbatte....

(when does menopause set in again? 50? 55?......)

Nom Nom

K had Krisflyer miles that were expiring and since we aren't anywhere anytime soon, he swopped it out for vouchers at Fullerton Hotel's brunch service at the Town Restaurant. 

We went there yesterday since it was a Labour Day weekend and Alyssa didn't have her swim class. 

I think the girls had fun haha...Both were pretty adventurous yesterday and tried the following new things!

• lobster
• parma ham (Alyssa loved it so much she probably finished 90% of the portion that was given to our table)
• salmon sashimi (they'd been refusing to try this for years...and somehow the stars aligned yesterday and both of them tried it and liked it!)
• braised beef (which was rejected by both haha...Nadya made a face..)
• broccolini
• burrata
• rocket/arugula (Nadya tolerated this more than Alyssa but eventually still declared that she wasn't gonna try it anymore ahhaha)
• black caviar and some other orangey fish roe (both liked these alot!)

We took a walk at the area in front of the hotel after meal. Trudged across Cavenagh Bridge and walked through a tiny tunnel to bring us to the riverfront. I think it's called Jubilee Walk. Chanced upon a Lim Bo Seng memorial and explored a little more before we headed back. The weather was just too hot and humid to do more walking. 

Glad we did something different yesterday! 

Hair.....

In some areas, I am less autocratic. I will let the girls choose whether they want their hair long or not. 

I asked Alyssa this morning: "Next year you're going to primary school already and need to wake up early. I don't want any fussing ya. Because I need to get both you and Nadya ready."

A: ok

Me: Are you ok if we cut your hair short so you don't need to tie it? Or would you still prefer to have long hair like now?

A: mmmm.....I think I still want long hair like now...

Me: ok, then you'll need to be cooperative ya.

Handling 2 girls in the mornings next year...and having to get both their hair settled at the same time. Ok, it'll probably be just simple ponytails all the way lol....No time for braids or anything more complicated than a ponytail....

If it were my mum, or my MIL, both girls would probably be in super short bobs with super short bangs lol....

backside itchy

As a reminder to K to stick to original plans in his work endeavours....laoniang wrote 2 notes for him and he stuck them on his computer monitor. 

One reads "STICK TO THE PLAN!"

The other reads "DON'T KAR CHNG JIONH!"

In other words, the latter reads as "Don't backside itchy!" when translated from Hokkien. 

Nadya recently noticed this note and asked K how to read it....and so....she was prancing around the house yesterday evening singing "Don't kar chng jionh! Don't kar chng jionh!" ...

*face palm* parenting moment. 

I reminded her not to sing this or proclaim this out loud when she's out of the house....I erm...hope she remembers this....

Where's my blanket?

Woken up by Nadya at 4:44am this morning. 

N: Mama, I cannot find my blanket. I searched everywhere in the room and on the bed. 

Me: urgh..mm?....arllhhmm...?  ! zzzz...........

Slithered out of bed and helped her find it...but couldn't find it either. Turned out that she didn't even go to bed with it. Her blanket was left outside in the living room the night before when she was using it as a "tudung" during her dress-up play session with Alyssa. K found it and passed it to her. 

Went back to bed after that 5-min "fiasco" and when the alarm rang at 615am...I was still so sleepy...

But still, I am thankful that this doesn't occur often. More a rarity than a regular. :)

Ganbatte for the day ahead!!

The Self

Current projects/activities in the pipeline...

• self-managed learning of Korean through Coursera
• brush calligraphy workshop and self-managed learning thereafter
• finishing up half-read books and comics
• continuing with the walks and getting back to a more frequent routine...a little lax lately ever since I fell sick 3 weeks back. 

Parenting...and....growing up

We shifted here in June 2014. 

And for the first time in almost 7 years, our kitchen is steriliser-and-milk-bottle-free. 

We've gotten rid of the last of Alyssa's Dr Brown milk bottles, and permanently stored away the Avent steriliser which has served us for a good number of years. Stored it away because our helper wants to send it back to the Philippines for her relative to use. We told her it was a very old (and worn out) appliance but she still wanted it so we let her have it. 

Managed to wean Alyssa off quite quickly and easily compared to Nadya. The remaining milk tins will be donated or sold off. 

With P1 registrations coming up, with Alyssa entering Singapore's formal education school system next year, with Nadya already in P3 next year, with us donating away the playmat we bought in end 2013/early 2014, with me clearing away more clothes that both girls have outgrown...it seems our parenting journey is transitioning to another phase. 

Bittersweet to be honest. I really miss those times they were chubby and tottering around the house. Miss the babbles and gurgles. Yet, I'm also excited to see them growing into little ladies. 

It's ok Mama

For the last 2-3 evenings, I've been helping Alyssa plan, conceptualise and finally work on her craft piece for her school. She's supposed to use various materials provided by the school and whatever we have on hand at home to create a 扇子, a Chinese fan. 

Nadya helped out here and there as well. 

Yesterday evening, I realised I made a mistake in my calculation and cut a piece of paper with the wronbg proportion. I muttered "Aiyah, I mistake. Aiyah...I hope I can salvage this."

Alyssa was so sweet and responded with a ......

"It's ok Mama. Everybody makes mistakes. I also make mistakes sometimes too."

Lol....so cute. 

Granny

11 April was Granny's 7th death anniversary. 

It being a Sunday, I didn't have much chance to ruminate much about her and "talk" to her. Only found some time to do so in the few minutes before bed. 

While I think I'm handling things better in the recent couple of years already, content touching on grandparents still gets to me.

Anyway, I love you Mama. I found a pic of you the other day when I was clearing my old stuff. It was from my Sec 1 project titled "My Family". The photo must have been in the late 1930s or 40s. Posting it here for posterity....

> One Year

So fast. I've been working from home for a year and 3 weeks already. I still remember 21 Mar 2020 was physically my "last day"  in the office. 

Various highs and lows. From work and job scope changes, to handling both kids during their home-based learning days, to being able to lunch out much more with K, to handling shitty work stuff brought about by an increase in malicious activities online, to experimenting with recipes, to being able to do more walking, etc...

Time zips by....

Work

Not quite looking forward to going back to office, even if it's a "3 days in office" type of arrangement. 

Not sure how it's gonna be as yet. While the over-arching policy has been announced by the organisation, at the team/group level, we're still waiting for the announcement by our Executive Director. 

80-90% of my own team have indicated to me that they still prefer to be 100% WFH. That includes me. 4.5 out of 5 of my team. One of the ladies is half-half. 

Tmr's the announcement. I hope alot of flexibility is given.....

Monitor

Nadya was made class monitor for this term, together with another boy.

She has a badge to pin on her T-shirt everyday now and she's pretty proud of it. :)

We're proud of you too sweetie...Keep it up!

She's set her sight on a junior leader position in the future. I think it's something like a junior prefect but I'm not sure of the duties this role carries. Will leave it to her to navigate and figure out herself how to get there. 

Just one or two things that I hope she can tweak though. Her whininess and tendency to complain about anything and everything, whether it's a good or not-so-good situation, she'll find something to whine or complain about. We've spoken to her on a few occasions and reminded her from time to time on this as well. It's slightly better but she still needs to work on it. Let's see how this goes...

Soft

I'm soft. 

Have always been. Softer than the so-called strawberries of the generation that just came out into the workforce. Maybe that's why certain things in my life turned out the way they did. Maybe that's why I have anxiety too..

Maybe I have too much emphathy? Maybe I just dislike conflicts too much? Maybe I am too ham ji and bo ji. 

Of ballet & gymnastics

Nadya is having her ballet Grade 1 examination this morning. Good luck sweetie!! Months of preparation and practice for this 30-45mins session today. May it go smoothly for you baby girl!

Just realised she started ballet 5yrs ago and I've been a "ballet mum" for that long haha. But this is her first formal graded exam by the Royal Academy of Dance in the UK. :) 

I've gotten better at tying hair buns too ;p And using hair gel and hair spray haha. 

Alyssa started ballet when she 3 as well. The dance teacher said she was doing pretty ok but I guess Alyssa's heart wasn't fully in it. Alyssa just stopped her ballet lessons in school, and is now taking gymnastics elsewhere. Still taking baby steps in gymnastics but we're happy seeing her smile and enjoy the lessons so far. :)

Sick. Was.

Was down the last few days. Haven't been this unwell since a long time back. 

Had a bad congested nose which was constantly leaking last Wednesday. I filled up my wastepaper basket with used tissue and had to put aloe vera gel on my nose to prevent it from getting too raw. 

K wasn't doing too good either and woke on Thursday morning with a bad throat. We went to the clinic and....ended up getting swabbed and given a 5-day MC with a mandatory order to stay at home at all times. 

The swab wasn't painful, but it felt weird. I didn't know something could go so far back into my head through my nostril lol. Going through it made me cry involuntarily though. The doctor commented that it was ok as it was natural physical reaction, and that he had made many people cry this way already haha. 

In any case, we both received negative results 24hrs later....and had the mandatory stay home order lifted. 

It's been 6 days since my nose started leaking badly and I'm glad to say I feel alot better today. Nose is still congested a little but I can breathe alot better compared to the start when I was mostly breathing through my mouth. Sore throat's gone as well. There's some lingering cough which I think will clear up on its own soon enough. Voice isn't back to normal yet but getting there. :) 

May I heal fully in the next 2-3 days!!

*crrrack*

On the last day of my 5-day MC.

It was sunny earlier on but now extremely dark and cloudy, with a slight drizzle. I wouldn't even call it a full-fledged rain yet but there was a sudden lightning flash followed by a huge-ass crack of thunder. 

It was strange but I wasn't that surprised by the sudden loud sound. And my immediate thought was actually "I hope the girls are ok in their schools and didn't get a shock." 

Wish I could give them a hug and tell them that it's ok, it's just thunder...and Mama loves you...

4th time back in office since March 2020

Been in office since 9am this morning. It's 3-plus now. 

I feel exhausted already. Many things going on this morning and I had to speak to various people in person. (2 colleagues and 1 IT support guy). Not interacting in person for a whole year has made me even more "anti-social" lol....Talking F2F for long periods makes me tired...

I want to hide in my corner and be quiet...and do my own things....lol.

Reminder

This week has been strange for me. 

Fatigued, lembeh, stomach cramps here and there, bloatedness, grogginess, difficulty concentrating sometimes, calves aching sometimes...

Taking things slowly now...

I think the symptoms are there...some of them are what I felt back in early/mid 2019. 

Need to manage myself better...

要记得， 不能再让自己进入那年的状态....

Borders, cut-offs, delineations.....

Either that or my hormones are acting up alot this time round before my cycle arrives....

Weird dream

I had a dream. A weird one. 

I dreamt I was recently hired by Tan Jian Hao, the Singaporean Youtuber. For some reason, he owned a resort/spa and I was hired as the Operations Manager to help turn it around. It was quite a run-down place and the previous manager obviously didn't do a good job at upkeeping the place. Sand was all over the place; fountains, water features and jacuzzis weren't working as they should; dustballs were all over; rattan furniture pieces were frayed and in need of repair; water in pools were not filtered and recycled but stagnant and a little smelly, etc.

Gosh... haha....what a strange dream...

But even in the dream, I felt a little stressed. 

Body & mind telling me to take things easy? Note to self...and reminder to self...

Star Pupil!

Nadya was conferred the title of Star Pupil for Term 1 for her class. She was given a magnetic badge that could be attached to her attire as well as a certificate!

Needless to say, she was proud and happy. She was skipping around all evening haha. 
We're proud too. :) As are both sets of grandparents haha. 

I asked her what does it take to become a Star Pupil and she rattled off a bunch of traits including: needing to be a responsible and respectful person, helpful and kind to others, etc.

Well done Nadya. Keep it up!

Onwards and upwards!

Loud sounds

I have this thing about loud sounds and noises. I get very scared. 
If I'm given sufficient warning, I can steel myself and I'll be fine. 

I'm not sure how this all started but the earliest incident I know was when I was 8 and at an annual Xmas party at my Uncle's place. I was told I ran out of the house flustered and in tears when they started blasting Xmas carols loudly. I only vaguely remember being in great fear, feeling lost and afraid even though all my relatives were around, and that I couldn't handle it. 

I can handle balloons and/or audio sets. But there are times when my defenses are "weaker" and I get triggered by them. A single balloon near me is enough for the fear to well up deep within me and I need to escape somewhere to do deep breathing to calm myself down. 

The aircon guys are here today to install a new system for the bedrooms, and change the old piping. 

I didn't expect the work to be that loud. The initial drill caught me by surprise. It was the type of drilling where you can feel the vibrations course through your body. I was stuck in the living room with nowhere to go. Could only plug my ears with my earphones. No music was playing though. 

I've managed to tune some of the noise out. I hope to be able to concentrate on my work soon.
Today's an assigned day for policy work....

all the tillies

I'm a proud grandmama.

A week before CNY, 2 tillies bloomed wondrously. 

The single druid - the "pineapple" I've had for the last few years which I brought home from office - gave no warning and turned yellowish for 2-3 days and then voila, out popped 3 long white flowers. The girls were excited haha. It has since sprung out 2 pups and I'm looking after both mother and pups with care now. :)

The ionantha clump of 3 I had was a mother with 2 pups. Not sure what species of ionantha this clump is....but when I first got it, both pups were smaller than the mum. They've since grown a lot and are bigger than their mum now. Both pups are now full grown and they bloomed a week before CNY too. They blushed into a nice shade of maroon beautifully and then had 3 long purple flowers each! Each of them now have pups of their own. One has 3 and one has 2. 

Gosh, wait....I just realised...I am a great-grandmama liao...not just a grandmama haha...

The rubra airplant that bloomed a few months back now has a thriving pup...and the pup's blushing slightly...the edges of its leaves are pinkish....so cute...:)

The xerographica's doing well. 

All 3 caput medusaes are doing well, with one of them blushing more than the others. This one had various hues of marron and purple...I wonder if it's going to bloom? If so, it'll be exciting! I've never had a caput medusae bloom before!

The brachycaulos is not doing well though....not sure what to do with it...can only just do the usual and hope it survives....

the heat...the tummy...

Since the weather turned quite warm over last weekend, I've been feeling a little out of sorts. 

Tired, half warm, half cold. 

Leaky and stuffed nose from the sudden change in weather and the dustiness from the next door's extensive renovations. 

Tummy's not doing too good either. Bloated for several days already. It's been manageable so far. Just the sluggishness that comes with it, the upper arm aches and slight breathlessness at times. This morning feels abit worse though. Maybe I'll purge soon, who knows. 

Weight's hovering around 47.5kg these few weeks. I'm happy it went up, even if just slightly. :) 

Reminders to Self

Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.

 

Keep going! Keep walking! Keep moving!

A step at a time. Slowly but surely. 

Conversations with a 7-yr-old

During dinner...

N: Mama, do you know Steve Jobs?

Me: Yup...

N: Do you know that he quit college?

Me: Yeah I've heard that before...

N: He didn't graduate but he has a good brain and a very good growth mindset. I like it, I think it's good.

Simisai? Where did that come from? 

I probed further and found out that she learnt about Steve Jobs and having a growth mindset to "keep learning things" and "gain knowledge" at her school's morning assembly today. They have 30mins to an hour of assembly every Wednesday morning. 

Wow, they teach these to primary school kids? I can understand if it were for the upper primary kids but this was also shared with the P2 children? Wah....

......

Strange. After I took over, there's a sustained increase in weird cases and situations. Even situations that no one has ever encountered before in the 20-odd years that my department's been in existence. Zzzzz...even my staff attested to this....

From court orders served from the US, to an appeal case from a local entity, to phishing complaints and law enforcement agencies knocking on my door......to contracted parties pulling rubbish scenarios on us and other contracted parties giving us other operational headaches......

I hope these taper off soon...laoniang is quite tired...physically and mentally...

Jiayou....

Jiayou...

Jiayou...