To listen more and understand.
To not interject or interrupt when others are talking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To be less selfish and self-centered.
To not take people for granted.
To be more self-aware if and when I am becoming so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To keep going.
To keep walking.
To keep trying.
Experienced all sorts of emotions in a week.
A colleague has decided to retire early. Between me & the other Head who is dealing with Tech issues, of course laoniang will end up bearing the most brunt of covering her duties till a replacement comes in.
Not looking forward to it when she leaves officially at the end of September. Not the first time she's thrown her letter too and I've always been the one to be on standby to receive her handovers. Each time in the past though, she rescinded her letters.
Seems this time it's for real as emails have been sent to the big big boss and HR as well.
Am a little overwhelmed.
Current duties + double-hatting for another function since Mar and probably till early next year + covering duties for this lady.
I hope I can handle things.
I need to. Keep going.
Breathe. Keep going.
Breathe. Keep going.
Breathe. Keep going.
This week hasn't been too good physically. Tummy's acid issues are back.
Nausea, bloatedness, indigestion, lethargy & tiredness, slight giddiness at times, feeling full even after eating less than usual, tight stomach, etc. Slight chest pains these last 2 days.
I hope this clears up soon.
In just a few days, I lost maybe 1kg already.
I hope it clears up quickly and I can eat normally again....
Am on leave today and tried to go ahead with my plans for the day.
Intended to start the day with a longer than usual walk. So goot lat! Left the house at 715am after getting the girls ready for school and then washing up.
The sky decided to pour...had to cut short the walk...it turned out really short lol. Got home drenched and cold...
Been a long long time since I was so drenched in the rain. My fav pair of shoes were soaking wet and my fav cap as well...
Thank you my dear cap, for shielding my eyes from the rain...I hope you won't get too damaged and will dry well...
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Just wondering what was the licence-plate-plucking lady at the Causeway thinking when she confronted the other car. And wondering too, what was the boy thinking when he came charging out like that acting all macho but then scurrying away when the driver of the other car came out.
For him, maybe he couldn't handle his teenage emotions that bubbled over and since his mum was acting in that manner, I guess he followed suit? Afterall, he's only had 18 years of experience on Earth....For his mum though, I wonder what triggered her so much she was willing to use her body to stop the other car from moving.
Rash? Maybe. Obnoxious? Maybe. Just a road-rager unable to control herself? Maybe.
I guess we'll never really know what truly happened to trigger the whole incident.
In the final week of the June school holidays, we had a 3D2N staycation at Merchant Court. Or Paradox Merchant Court as it is now known as.
The girls enjoyed themselves I think.
Alyssa loved the swimming pool and we visited it once each day we were there. She constantly asked to go to the pool haha. Nadya liked the dinner buffet (or maybe more so the chocolate fountain that was there lol). And they both loved the TV in the room, especially Nadya.
We also walked down to Funan to catch the new Minions movie, and showed them Clarke Quay at night with all its pretty lights and busy restaurants. K tried explaining to Nadya what Zouk is and why people go there, etc...to which she responded "Can we go now?" LOL....10 years later she'll probably appreciate the area alot more.
For me...I liked the distraction the staycay brought...and the exclusive time spent with K and the girls...and the buffet breakfast (with all its eggs and sausages :D)
Today is the day we bid farewell to our car. 小蓝as K calls it.
It served us well for 6 years and brought us to many happy places. It's also the girls' 1st car (excluding my FIL's car lol).
It's 14 years old and while it's not 100% broken down. There are key parts of it that wore down and which needed repairs but there are no replacement parts in Singapore. Importing the parts in from Japan and fixing it would cost more than the paper value of the car. K made the hard decision to let go of it...The guy came to bring it away this afternoon.
I forgot to big farewell to it this morning when I left the house in a hurry.
Thank you 小蓝 for bringing us around all these years...to the Zoo, to staycations, to school, to grocery runs, to makan sessions, to various malls, to birthday parties and playdates, to my parents' and inlaws' places each Saturday, to various enrichment lessons, etc...
Not sure if you'll be scrapped or refurbished and brought to another place...if it's the latter, I hope you'll have a fruitful new lease of life!
Been mansplained and slighted a fair bit on several occasions this week.
Nevermind.
Jiayou.
Carry on.
At times I wonder how long more do I have to continue coping with the unsavoury thoughts in my head. The daily managing that needs to be done. And at times, on and off through the day...
Then I catch myself and remind myself not to ask that because....it is not something I can undo anymore....they are here, the condition is here and won't go away magically.
I just have to manage it...manage things...manage myself....and learn and unlearn some things if needed...and keep going...
Yeah...
Keep going..
一步一步往前走
继续走
Was on leave Wed to Fri last week. Had a fulfilling time during those days and over the weekend.
Wednesday & Thursday
Mostly spent prepping Nadya for her ballet solo competitions. Her first time and she was not so steady during her 1st performance on Wed. But it was a start and she was so much better and stable on Thursday! Prooud of her for having done this..All the hours of practice at her dance school. While she didn't place, I think it was still a good exposure for her. And it definitely opened up K's and my eyes to how hardcore (and possible regimental) some of the other ballet schools actually are.
Friday
I fulfilled one of my longtime wishes - to bring both girls out on my own and have a meal with my parents. Simple wish but it somehow took a long time to fulfil...whether it was time or scheduling conflicts or my inertia or my anxiety. But I did it! Finally! On 3 June 2022! It was a simple 2hours or so but it made my heart so full...:) Very very happy to have the girls spend time with my parents one on one.
Saturday
Had dinner with Adrian's family, my parents and our own family at Pasir Ris Park! First time ever. Was very happy with it and happy that I suggested it too...Some logistical hiccups and delays here and there but oh well...we made it in the end! Food was good, company was great. Heart and tummy are full...:)
Sunday
Simple day filled with usual routines. Glad we managed to squeeze in a game or two of Cluedo with Alyssa. Also glad we got Nadya's eyes checked out and her glasses made. Am a little worried for her as her myopia seems high. I really hope she doesn't take after me in this aspect...When she starts wearing her glasses, I think she's gonna look a whole lot more like me lol...And glad that I finally got the courage to get my eyes tested as well. It usually brings me alot of stress and I hate to admit but...I've not gotten my degree checked for 12 years. It increased a little but I'm pretty ok with it. Still thankful it didn't increase alot.
Typing in points. Going into too much details will make me anxious.
Woke on 24 May and was ok. But shot while later had odd ring of light in left eye. Was supposed to go work but decided not to. Called K and asked him to send me to A&E. He was out sending the kids to school.
A&E. Eye doc saw me and said there was an area of weakness in the retina. Needed to go for laser procedure. Went to eye clinic, did the procedure. Fainted immediately after the procedure. Within less than 10mins.
I knew it was coming. Told K "Baby, I cannot already, I cannot already."
BP was low. bottom reading went down to 45 or so according to the nurse. Blacked out for 30secs or so according to K. Fucking scary. When I came to, I couldn't open my eyes but knew that I was clutching K's Tshirt very tightly. Left fist was in a ball and I remember moaning. Heard his voice comforting me. Was very thankful he was around.
BP 78/57. Lay me on trolley bed and was monitored till BP went back to 110/70. Vasovagal attack.
EXACT same thing happened 3 years ago when I did the same laser procedure for right eye. Nabeh.
====================
Am ok now. Next eye follow-up is 9 June.
But anxiety levels have increased alot. Trying my best to self-manage.
Certain things remind of the incident, like flashes of light. Woke on one or 2 nights with snippets of the incident appearing in my mind.
Trying my best not to think or dwell too much.
Move on Michelle. You are ok. Don't dwell.
You can do it Michelle!!
Yes I can!!
Ganbatte!!!!!
Heading back to office. Pros and cons.
It forces me out of the house and out of my comfort zone. I have to re-navigate taking the bus, walking to office, walking home, heading to lunch, etc. It also takes up alot of mental energy on my end. Sounds of the morning traffic overwhelmed me a little this morning. Too much "audio", too loud, too noisy, too many things happening in my line of vision and even my peripheral vision.
I get to enjoy the aircon. But I miss my bed, and miss being able to sit like a kan chia poh.
I actually get more things done at home than when I am in the office. More distractions in the office + time wasted on the commute + time taken to prep for work = less time for actual work. I don't get to decompress much if I take the bus home because I am trying to manage myself.
On the whole, going back to office is still more of a nay for me. Though I know I need to accept it.
I hope I find a balance. Soon.
Attended QM's wedding yesterday. She's a cousin I've only seen twice in my entire life.
And at the same wedding, I was introduced to another 4 cousins whom I've never ever met. Imagine suddenly meeting a 52 year old, a 44 year old, and another 2 twenty-somethings.
Due to family dynamics, estranged relationships and possible misunderstandings over decades, we never ever got to meet.
It was strange, awkward and a little uncomfortable to me. Yet, a little intriguing too. That I finally got to physically see and meet that part of the family tree on my mother's side.
Late to the game but...this is my latest earworm.
Secret Love Song, by Little Mix and featuring Jason Derulo
Released in 2015.
Didn't think much of it when I first heard it on the radio a couple of weeks back.
But I heard it the 2nd time today on the radio again and....now it's in my head...:)
Was at SGH for a medical appointment this morning. Walked past a lift lobby which leads up to some wards. A guard/staff stopped a lady from going past the gantry to the lifts and asked if she was doing vising....
Lady: Ya, visiting my mother.
Guard: 1 only?
Lady: Huh? Ya lah, 1 mother only lah!
Guard: No no, I mean. Only you 1 visitor? We don't allow more than 1 visitor per patient.
LOL...the lady's response was said with a straight (and slightly annoyed) face. It was hilarious to me though...:D :D :D
The guard was a 20-something guy who looked a little flustered.
No matter how many times I've gone through a pap smear test or a follow-up with my gynae, I still feel somewhat embarrassed by it.
Anyway, over and done with for this year's appointment lol. 1.5years or 2 years later will be the next one.
Don't beat yourself up too badly for mistakes you made.
Don't dwell on them either.
Learn. Learn again. Move on.
Keep going. Keep trying. Keep moving.
Don't give yourself too much stress either.
Sometimes you need to let go to go further, or let go to go higher.
On days when you feel you fall short of everything. Remember, you are enough.
Went for a walk just now. Was feeling slightly frustrated and in a rut, and hoped the walk would chase the feeling away.
I was doing good.
Till a cyclist went past me. His radio was blasting Jay Chou's 一路向北....His songs always touch me and then I started tearing..
Bah...for quite awhile after that I was alternating between tearing and getting a grip and having more Jay Chou songs pop into my head, which made me even more emo.
Kept walking.
Forced myself to stop thinking about Jay Chou's songs.
Kept up with the self-talk as well.
Was muttering "I am brave and strong. I can do it. Yeah!" for a long time.
If someone else was observing me all the way, that person might have thought I was a nutcase. But fuck it. Who cares?! Laoniang needed the self-talk. Laoniang needed the space and zone.
最近几天精神状态不太好
想提醒自己，要多包容自己，也对自己宽容些
做错就学，再错再学，不断的努力，不断地磨练
如果觉得跟想象中的自己有所差别有所落差
就再学再拼再努力
成为更好的自己
但也不需要太着急， 不需要给自己太多压力，太多压迫感
就跟着自己的节奏走
走三步退两步也算是往前走了一步
始终还是可以到达目的地
你可以的
加油！
Feel so "popular" recently...lol
"MOH" calls me..."MOM" calls me..."DBS" calls me....
"Singpost" and "DHL" call me too....
"Fedex" doesn't like me anymore though, I don't hear from them anymore.
BUT....my mum lagi best...."High Court of Singapore" called her the other day hahaha...
Let me do my job and ask what I need to know. Else how am I going to settle things.
Nabeh, keep cutting me off for what? Let me finish my sentences can??????
Bloody testosterones. I hope you're not trying to establish any "unspoken" authority on me.
I'm just doing my small part here to have operational flow of things as smooth as possible. I may be totally new to this part of the business but I'm contributing ok.
Slept at 1130 after settling some work stuff.
Woke at 430am to pee. And couldn't get back to sleep thereafter for a long while I think.
I remember thinking about work stuff. And then I remember I had a dream (must have fallen asleep at some point).
It was one of those dreams with the same recurring theme.
I was in a school or going to school for a lecture. I remember having foolscap paper in my bag and I was in a uniform. A JC uniform. Though the school felt like it was a university campus. And as usual, I couldn't find my classroom or lecture hall. There were others around me but they seemed to be "greyed out" in the dream. Just moving shapes that's all I think.
I remember falling into a fishpond in my quest to find my lecture hall too. Not sure how that happened though or how the dream ended.
Laoniang is tired and sleepy. Hope I stay focused enough for my 2-330pm and 330-430 meetings....
Been a long habit of mine to watch from my bedroom window as K drives the 2 girls off to school. At least since 2 years back when the work-from-home arrangement first started. And it's been a recent habit to linger longer at the window after they've driven off, just to stare at the surroundings as dawn breaks, the sun rises and clouds drift.
Rather picturesque and pretty calming too.
To see all the various colours unfold, meld and blend together.
Blacks, greys and blues slowly get broken up by bits of pinks and lilacs and purples. And then oranges and yellows come into the picture there after.
And I think, air traffic has increased significantly. Before the pandemic, I see planes flying past every couple of minutes. Then it decreased to me seeing none at all, except for the rare occasion. These few days I've noticed alot more planes in the mornings, sometimes at frequencies of one every 5-10mins.
New project that just got in. Urgent timeline of one week. National project.
Realised my stomach was tense this morning and last night as well when I was activated at 10pm to settle an email. Realised also that I had the "flip-flop fluttery rumbling" feeling in my chest this morning. I don't know how else to describe it except that I felt my heart was doing cartwheels in my chest.
My signs of anxiety.
I need to manage myself.
Breathe Michelle. Breathe.....!!
Happy.
Been a long long time since I had a whole prata to myself, and with curry too.
Helper was on her off day yesterday so we brought the girls out to a nearby kopitiam for dinner. Nadya requested for prata (strange but true!).
There was Hai Kee there so Alyssa had her usual favourite roast pork noodles. And she ate quite alot.
Nadya had 2 egg pratas but gave up on the curry as it was too spicy for her. She's still taking baby steps for spicy foods.
I had some food from the cai perng stall. And a whole kosong prata to myself...I didn't slather it with curry like how I would in the past...merely dipped the prata in the curry. But it was step up! Compared to the 2 years plus ago when I completely stopped any form of prata at all haha. (Cos oily + spicy = big no no at that point in time)
I mentally prepped myself for any possible protest from my stomach last night....And I was thankful to find that I was ok! Slight bloating as usual from eating oily stuff...but I was otherwise ok! Thankful for that...:)
Yay!
I've had enough of ang moh pop over the last few days...the likes of Maroon 5, Rihanna, Katy Perry, Adele, Imagine Dragons, Coldplay, Ed Sheeran, Dua Lipa...and what have you....
Back to piano/slow jazz/instrumental as my BGM today lol...
Thankful for having 2 team members who understand me and get what I am trying to say or do.
Thankful that we bounce ideas off each other and feed off each other's thoughts to build better approaches.
Thankful that we work well with each other and thankful that we're mostly of the same "kuan4" and of similar frequency.
Some patience goes a long way.
Much patience goes an even longer way.
Breathe...
That constant whining and fussing this entire morning will soon pass. As will this whole situation.
Jiayou!! Fighting!!
Day 4's playlists included Blue, Ed Sheeran, Coldplay, Lady Gaga, and Imagine Dragons...
Plus I let her watch a video on watercolouring from one of my favourite Youtubers of this genre...Shayda Campbell.
We didn't cook yesterday so K went out to buy food...the BK for dinner cheered the girls up abit..:) And the FaceTime sessions with emojis brought smiles and laughter to all of us...Glad it tickled the girls so much :)
Nadya did her English assessment and completed her school's Math homework. And she worked herself through yet another Percy Jackson book. She must have re-read that book a 2nd or 3rd time lol...
All's good. Her fever was gone. Just left with phlegm, a scratchy throat and slight cough.
I cleaned the toilet yesterday with Dettol, dry-mopped and wet-wiped the room floor as well. Been awhile since I got on all fours to wipe the floor...lol. I discovered many dustballs in certain areas. I'd have to speak to the helper about cleaning my room more thoroughly next time. For areas she can't "see", doesn't mean she doesn't need to clean...zzz.
It was tough last night. N was snoring her head off. I kicked her foot several times, to no avail lol...And she got up once or twice to pee or to drink water.
Needless to say, I was rather tired this morning. A little frazzled too when attending a 3-hr call and trying to look after her at the same time. She spilled half of her water bottle at some point in time and I was frantically trying to clean it up while listening to the call.
That said though..I am still thankful that she's doing good. No fever tonight. Compared to 38.2C this morning. Just that her nose is still a little stuffed and her throat is sore.
I am trying to keep her and myself well-hydrated.
And I am trying to keep myself well and healthy and of course...Covid-free.
I've been washing my hands so frequently I feel like as if I have OCD. Also cleaned some common surfaces in the room this morning with Dettol...like the light switches, door handles, tabletops, toilet bowl, shower area, etc.
May Nadya get well soon. And may I and the rest at home stay well and healthy, especially Alyssa, whom we're monitoring closely.
And so my fear came true.
N had fever this evening and her ART test kit was positive. K was still in camp. Thought I'd be panicking my head off but I surprised myself cos I didn't.
Been 3 over hours. Still waiting for them to be back from KKH.
I hope the rest of the family stays negative.
I feel a little off and warm today though. :( May I be well.
I feel quite uncomfortable. With the surge in cases, and so many around me getting it.
3 colleagues, 2 neighbours (one with an 18-month baby who got it as well), a friend's whole family including their 6yr and 3yr-olds, the student care staff, etc...
I just packed a small plastic bag of panadol for adults, fever medication for kids and some fruits for my neighbour and left it at their door. The husband reached out to K for some help on medication as they were running out of it.
While life still needs to go on and the girls still go to school and their classes or student care, I send them with a worried heart and mind.
K is in reservist these 2 weeks starting from today. I worry for him as well.
May all be well and safe. May all keep well and safe.
Despite the rise in Covid cases, CNY was less subdued than last year for us.
We managed to visit our parents, 2 of my uncles' houses and one of K's aunts' place. Thankful to see them still keeping well and going strong!
Did something different this year as well. To send festive greetings, I texted all my distant cousins and called or texted all my aunts whom I did not manage to visit in person. It felt daunting and awkward at first but I guess the first time is always the hardest. To keep familial ties going, especially now in this Covid situation where we can't all gather at someone's home anymore, this is the least I felt I had to do...
I feel blessed too. We did not buy any snacks and were gifted many things by friends, family and neighbours. Totally "inundated" lol....
Dad texted me this morning with a "Are you free? Call me if you are. Want to tell you something but too long to type in SMS"
It was 15mins before a scheduled meeting. I was wondering what happened and I try to be around for my parents if they reach out via call or text. So I called him anyway.
And discovered that he wanted to talk to me....
because.....
he was so excited and amused.....
by Word-leh!....the Singlish version of the globally popular Wordle game on the Internet.
Lol...he was so excited about it and was sharing with me how he had fun playing it and trying it out with words like "cheem", "aiyah", "leceh"....
It was a "duh" moment but I'm still mighty glad I called him back.
I felt strangely happy and relieved to hear him being so happy and excited and cheery. Felt really nice to hear his guffaws and giggles. I could imagine his eyes lighting up and getting bigger the more he shared with me about the game.
Live well my dear Daddy! I want to hear more of your laughter in the years to come!
I never tell you this in person and have done so only through texts......but....
I love you. :)
For some reason, since last 2 years, I've had various issues and projects that take a long time to be settled. Some require stamina and patience navigating red tape and bureaucracies and hard to understand SOPs. Some involve tricky end-users who seem to be in a world of their own. And some other issues that are simply draggy because of certain folks up there.
I was happy to strike off one item from my list back in December. That item was on my list since 2018/2019 and I was mighty happy it was finally completed.
Another item which we thought was quite straightforward turned out to be such a draggy one and has been around since June 2021. More and more people are getting involved and I REALLY REALLY hope to close this off soon.
Yet another item was dragging on for the last few months but I'm glad it's nearing its tail end. Fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly from here on.
Ganbatte!!!
Realisation. Self-awareness.
Effort. Strength.
Emotions. Frustrations.
Try. How. Must. How.
Around in circles.
Bad tummy. Stress. Bad tummy. Nervousness.
Bad stomach. Worries. Bad stomach. Anxieties.
Circles. Rut.
Get out. Struggling.
Self-management. Control.
Reminders.
Thoughts -> Feelings -> Actions -> Behaviours.
Will.
Must.
Can.
Do.
The girls quarrelled again last night.
Small one cried and came to me for a hug. Small one wriggled out of my hug and left the room in a huff. Big one cried when I went over to hug the big one.
I spoke to the big one a little and then she left the room. I went to shower and heard K talking to each of them separately.
Big one left a note on their bedroom door later on.
"I love you. BUT I'm still sad."
Sigh...lovey dovey one moment and the next they're going at each other.
At the dinner table the other day....
N to A: Meimei, you better eat your food and stop playing...*keeps pointing to Alyssa's bowl*
A to N: 你管好你自己的东西先! 不要管别人!
N: *glares*
LOL.....Alyssa learn that from her Chinese childcare teacher...:D
Be more open and 大气, especially to someone whom you already have a small bias against.
Had a short conversation with a staff from my team and I was irked within a short span of time. Tried to remain neutral and I hope my tone did not show any annoyance.
Staff E: How are you Michelle after your jab?
Me: I'm ok, had borderline fever yesterday so took Panadol and had a short nap to sleep it off.
Staff E: Oh? You took Panadol?! *sounding incredulous & surprised*
Me: Ya, why?
StaffE: Oh I didn't take it even though I had fever!
Me: ok...mm...
StaffE: I read somewhere that if you have fever after the jab, try not to take Panadol. This will allow your body to really fight and boost up your immunity after the jab. So I tried to tahan and did not take any.
Me: I see ok...though just take note that not everything you read online is true or scientifically proven.
StaffE: Ya, but many people said this. I also have a friend who is a nurse who did not take Panadol even though she had a fever after her jab. That's why I tried to tahan also.
Me: ok.....
With her, it's always "many people said this" and "I read online that" or "I did my research online and..." or..."I asked around and..." or "I heard that..." or "I did my homework and reading up and...".
Thankful for Alyssa's passionate co-form teacher, who is also her Chinese teacher.
She had no qualms sharing her mobile number with parents and created a WA group chat with all the parents. Since Day 1, she has been sending very regular updates and photos of the kids during recess, and sometimes videos of the kids during class or snack break time. She updates parents on homework to be done and/or books to bring as well.
Thanks to her, I know firsthand what Alyssa bought during recess haha. :)
====================
I'm proud of Alyssa. She bought her first drink on the 2nd day of school! A bottle of mango juice.
And on her 3rd day of school, she bought a plate of fried noodles. :) She wanted to buy it on Day 2 but said she couldn't find the "Stall 5: Fried Noodles" that Nadya had told her about lol. So I spent some time at night describing to her where and how to find it. And she did it on Day 3!
Our Peanut 长大了！
She just hasn't discovered the bookshop.......Yet. lol.
====================
In the meantime, I'm proud of Nadya too. Getting more independent. She's more or less been packing her bag by herself since start of P2 and has been settling her homework at the student care centre dilligently.
Handling her "start of school year" stuff and helping her settle down into her new P3 life has been alot easier compared to past years.
The only thing is...she's still sticking to buying fried noodles during recess hahaha. Tried encouraging her to buy char siew rice/noodles to no avail...I can tell she does want to try it out but is still sticking to fried noodles/jelly/drinks/burger maybe because of the familiarity and because she is apprehensive of the wanton/char siew noodle stall auntie lol. In time to come maybe....Jiayou Nadya!
I caved.
I took Omeprazole on a regular basis to control my stomach acid/gastric issues for a year from Feb/Mar 2019 till Mar 2020. I started it on a daily basis, then cut down to once every 2 days, then once every 3 days before I finally cut it out. I didn't take a single pill since Mar 2020.
But this round, the acidity has gotten worse over a period of 1.5weeks. Even my breath in the morning smells horrible. The tightness in the chest and "lump in the throat" feeling makes me quite uncomfortable as well, both physically and mentally.
I caved and took a pill this morning in hopes it will relieve the acidity.
Fingers crossed.
不知道为什么周董的歌这几天一直在脑海里游。。
今天就让周董陪我做工吧。。。
Jay Chou playlist here we go!!....Some of the songs in the list....
那初遇的感觉
那开心，害羞，心动的感觉
那纠结，揪心，懊恼的感觉
刚看完了《心动的信号4》中文版
这次是在深圳。整体来说，这次和《心动2》有的比。
Heart Signal 1 was so-so, Heart Signal 3 was disappointing due to a cast member being cut out from all scenes because of his misdemeanours.
Season 2 was great and this season's pretty much the same, with the same level of heart-fluttering moments and great lines that came out of the show.
This show is probably made for suckers like me haha.
I could definitely do without the very very very obvious product placements in the show and the blatant advertising that they made the cast members do.
Just wondering if the Korean Heart Signal would be having a new season anytime soon....I hope so!
reflux is back, since a week or so ago.
heartburn at times, especially while eating. tightness in chest at times. lump in the throat feeling. aching and uncomfortable throat that makes swallowing harder. and that's why i've been taking a much longer time eating these few days. and preceding symptoms were the neckaches and backaches, as well as the occasional slight lightheadedness.
not sure what triggered it. several possibilities. the few bites of pasta with tomato sauce i had, with the homemade pasta sauce diana passed to me. the desserts i had at the start of the year. the white bread i was having the last few days. the bits of fried stuff i was having for sunday breakfast. they all seem pretty normal to me though. maybe my tummy just decided to wreak some havoc for awhile.
the lump in the throat feeling makes me uncomfortable and the longer it is around, the more my mind starts to wander and think unnecessary thoughts.
i guess it's porridge time again?
and i hope warm water helps too.
i don't want to take omeprazole for a week, not when my booster shot is coming up in another 5 days.
I'm not the one performing the operational duties on a daily basis.
I wonder why I'm at times more familiar with the policies and SOPs than the 2 ladies handling these issues on a daily basis.
Why why why?
How can I train them up better? How can I help them help themselves? How can I get them to be more independent, meticulous and up to speed on things?
I hate to use age as a factor against them and I truly believe that despite their age, they can do it one....But after various incidents over at least a year, I'm starting to wonder if my belief in them was built on shaky ground.
I want them to do better. But have no real idea what else I can do to get them to up their game. Been mulling over this on and off for a long time....
2022. For the year ahead, I hope to:
As usual, 2021 went by in a jiffy.
2021 felt more stable compared to 2020 though as we were all more or less settled into school and work-from-home routines already and I also started the year being at least 3 months into my new job role.
While there were some frustrating and sometimes anxiety-inducing lows, there were fulfiling highs as well.
I am thankful for the good stuff:
Every year in Jan, we go through this cycle of sending our curtains to the laundry. We have 5 sets of curtains: my room X 2 sets, girls' room, study room, and the living room.
We usually send 4 sets for a wash first: my room X 2, study room & living room. When these are ready, one will be used as a temporary set for the girls' room while their set goes for a wash.
In the meantime, laoniang's room remains bare and naked and laoniang cannot walk half-naked out of the bathroom because the neighbours can see....Laoniang also wakes when it's dawn because the windows let light in fully and when it's mid-day, laoniang can "suntan"...In a way, I feel like I am in a greenhouse haha.
Once in a year affair....;p
Milestone achieved.
Nadya trimmed 2 of her fingernails by herself on 29 Dec 2021. One snip got too close to the nailbed though and I took over thereafter...but still....yay! She did it!
Tried teaching Alyssa how to do it but her fingers lacked the strength and dexterity to handle it so I let it be for now...in time to come....when she's ready. :)
After her shower....she was somehow in a Chrismassy mood...and started singing....
"Sewer bells, sewer bells.....it's Cwismas time in the city..."
"Sewer bells, sewer bells....soon it will be Cwismas day...!!!"
She's turning out to be as lame as her pare...I mean her Dad....lol.....
In a restaurant somewhere in Suntec City on the 1st day of 2022.
Nadya: *grumbles* why is the food taking so long...*whines* I'm hungry....*grumbles* uggghhhh....
Us: It's only been 5 or 10mins. They need time to prepare the food. You need to be patient.
N: Patience is not my name.
Bratty much. -_-
When this gets too much and one fine day K loses his own patience with her, she's gonna get it good....
Serissa seems to have stabilised and is no longer dropping leaves. She might have had a shock during the initial days when she was first brought home and placed in the balcony. She seems pretty ok now and I intend to repot her into a bonsai pot, prune off 2 of her long branches and rewire her a little. I hope my experiment goes well...!
===============
The ficus ginseng is doing well. I pruned off a big branch that was spiralling out of shape and dunked it into a cup of water. That was at least a week or 1.5 weeks ago and the cutting is still doing pretty well. None of the leaves have turned yellow or dropped off! I'm amazed.
The aerial roots are doing well and some of them have found their way and rooted themselves into the soil below. I'm happy to see this but I'm also wondering, with so many aerial roots rooting themselves in the soil, how do I actually repot the bonsai next time ah.....hmm.....
Time for more youtube videos? Lol.....
===============
I made a simple terrarium each for Ally & Peiqi for Xmas. I'd gotten the airplants about a week or 2 prior to assembling the terrarium and was trying to keep them alive and well haha...
They were simply made, nothing too complicated because, laoniang is not so creative and I think being minimal is still better haha. I think the last time I made them a terrarium for them was almost 10 years ago. Also for Xmas and they were fittonias in round ceramic mugs.
But hor silly me, I forgot to take a photo this time round. :(
===============
Ex-neighbours Serene & Chin swung by a couple of days ago on 23 Dec. She was complaining that whatever plant they had on the balcony of their new place seemed to shrivel up.
I ended up giving them 2 types of my 打不死 的 plants hahhaa....Gave them around 3 to 4 aloe vera babies and another 5 to 6 byrophyllum babies. I hope the babies survive!
===============
Fingers a little itchy to order some plants. But the minimum order of $100 is putting me off. I saw some really nice bonsai type of plants though...Let's see how....
K & I were at IKEA last week and I wanted to get a pot of ficus ginseng to work on again. But....the stocks at the Alexandra branch were quite dismal with no nice root formations.
Had lunch with TY yesterday. A 大哥 whom I've known since 2007 when I joined the company. I knew him for just a few months only before he was seconded out to another agency but he made effort to keep in touch with folks from our side. 2 years later he was posted back to our agency and we resumed our friendship.
We talked about kids, work, ex-colleagues and some other random stuff.
While we are not extremely close, I am still thankful for this brother-figure in the organisation. Someone who is quite capable and rather senior who knows the ins and outs of the place.
He's a bull. Over the years, I find that I get along quite well with bulls, goats (or sheep?), horses, roosters, some rabbits and the occasional rat. ;p
===============
TY & I were at Raffles City for lunch. It seemed like many many people were on leave The place was crowded and my senses were a little overwhelmed. Throngs of people young and old were in the basement. Some just milling around, some queueing for food, others were moving around going somewhere.
Was thankful that K dropped me off at the building.
I was jittery and had to plug my ears in with some instrumental music when I made my way to the restaurant. Been quite awhile since I felt overwhelmed in a shopping centre and I was glad I had the presence of mind to bring my earphones along. I could feel my palms sweating and my hands/fingers were so fidgety.
I was glad we were seated against the restaurant counter in a corner, just slightly away from the main bustling area in the restaurant.
I think Ms Serissa is in shock.
From being sheltered, in aircon and under a growing light, she was moved to a shaded but partially bright area with natural wind and air, and surrounded by new "neighbours". I released part of the wire that was holding her top branches in form as well, as I wanted her to breathe a little better and have a chance to spread out more.
She shedded several leaves this morning when I to check on her.
I hope she adjusts soon to her new home and neighbours.
I wanted to repot her and prune her as well but I think I'll lay off and let her settle down first.
Bought a serissa plant yesterday, a tiny one which has been wired into an odd non-bonsai shape haha.
But good enough for me to experiment and try growing it as a mame bonsai since it's less than 20cm tall.
I hope I don't kill the plant though...It looks rather cute!
Sort of came to a conclusion that the only plants that seem to thrive under my care (or lack of) are the
Wrightia Religiosa
Aka Water Jasmine. Aka 水梅.
I made 2 cuttings from the bonsai over the last weekend.
I hope they both survive. One is a pure cutting and the other was hived off a section of a root it sprung out from. The latter cutting has some small roots to begin with and I have higher hopes for it. Strangely though, it seems to be doing worse than the other cutting. :(
Some online articles say it takes 6 weeks for a water jasmine cutting to root, others say shorter....Whoever is right...I still need to wait at least a month or more.
===============
Shopping
I went a little trigger happy and ended up with 4 pots now on their way to me from China. 2 are Nordic style concrete looking ones (and maybe alot less functional but what the heck haha). And the other 2 are somewhat bonsai style pots. I'd prefer simpler plain and glazed ones but somehow ended up with those.
Shipping was only available by ship so...........the pots will take their time and bob over the sea to me.....I think they'll only arrive in 6 weeks?
===============
Bonsai
Been on a bonsai roll again and am now quite gian to order some plants to make my own bonsai again. Maybe another 2 pots?
The ficus ginseng I did 2 years back will probably be laughed at by a bonsai expert...but oh well...I'm just a noob experimenting haha. At least the plant didn't die and it's thriving with aerial roots appearing recently. So happy to see those aerial roots. Protecting them with straws for the moment, a hack I chanced upon online. I hope they grow strong enough to root into the soil.
===============
Indian Borage
I had 5 or 6 pots I think. Left one downstairs in the common garden a few months back. (It's still there but getting super unruly). Threw one pot away last Friday. Trimmed back 4 pots to tiny shoots only 2 or 3 inches high. They were getting unruly and had branches growing 40cm tall or drooping down and getting long and scraggly. I couldn't stand the messiness and did some heavy heavy pruning.
Just realised that I've received many comments about or related to my appearance since I was young. Most of them were from my early 20s onwards.
Been holding off for quite awhile. But with a recent revival of my interest in bonsai, I've finally sown some seeds collected from the Water Jasmine 2 years back.
I hope the seeds are still ok and I hope at least some of them germinate. I planted 8 of them. Fingers crossed that this noob gets at least 1 sprouting from the 8.
If I had planted them right after collection 2 years back, who knows, I might have a seedling (or two) worthy of repotting into a bonsai pot by now.
I've been toying with the idea of digging up a small Water Jasmine plant from the park near my place. But then I'd probably be "damaging" public property. There's no way I can do it in the dark of night as I'd need a torch to see whatever it is I am digging and then someone would see me. There's no way I can do it in broad daylight...someone would spot me too and then I'd appear in a photo sent to NEA or NParks or something. I'd tried to cultivate cuttings from my original plant but to no avail....
So I can only hope the seeds germinate...lol.
Of work - chasing partners, chasing staff, chasing other teams, penning down performance appraisal points, doing up preliminary workplans and budget for new FY, etc
Of Xmas - gifts, gifts, gifts, wrapping, wrapping, wrapping, meet-ups, research for gifts, never-ending list of gifts to get....neighbours, relatives, friends, family...food...
Of packing - if the old doesn't get thrown out, the new can't come in...
Of prepping for the new school year - books, wrapping, uniforms, shoes, stationery, bags, socks, and everything else in between
Of self - trying to set aside time to think, breathe, reflect, plan, and rest...
就这样，又过了一年 。回头看一下，这年是个着么样的一年。
有失有得 ，有进有退，有喜有忧。。。
虽然没什么大突破或能张扬的大成就，但也至少感恩生活，孩子和工作大多是平静的。
今天是十二月一日。。能感觉到自己渐渐地进入个 reflective and pensive mood。
希望这几个星期内能找到一两天属于自己的空间，坐在一旁在自己的思维中游着。
2021 has been a year of....renovations....
I'm surrounded by 3 neighbours. The unit directly in front of me was sold and its new owners did a major overhaul with renovations lasting from Feb till June. The unit diagonally opposite me was just sold and the new owners started renovations in October, which will last till year end. The family in the unit next to me decided to upgrade certain rooms in their apartment and just started renovations today, and it'll be till year end as well.
All renovations involved major hacking and ceiling work.
i.e. major dust, major noise, major drilling, major hacking....
My nose is pretty sensitive. I think I'm gonna get another round of itching and runny nose...I hope it doesn't escalate to a cough again...:(
Fingers crossed.
:(
On a lighter note...the whole year has been full of "renovations" in my work as well...many policy reviews and updates and patching up of SOPs, policies and processes....lol...
Saw the neuro doc on 15 Nov. Given the all clear.
Nothing funky happening in my brain. No recurrence, which is good. He mentioned I need not have an MRI or CT scan for the next 5-10 years at least, or more if I am comfortable with not doing anything. Happy to hear this.
After 15 years though, the surgical site is still sensitive. Doc said it was normal. Some folks are more sensitive, some less, some end up having that area numb most of the time. We'll all just have to live with it.
So I guess, I still can't lie down on my right side. I still can't brush my hair and touch my scalp in that area. And I still have to remember not to rub too vigorously on that side when I shampoo my hair.
Other than these small inconveniences, my brain (or my "coconut" as my original neuro surgeon put it)....is all good!
And I thought it was nice of this current neuro doc. He told me: "Don't let this hold you back from anything." So sweet and thoughtful...
A loud crack of thunder just rolled off the skies. A damn loud one.
And my immediate thought was...
"I hope the 2 girls are ok and didn't get scared."
Followed by....
"Wish I could give them a big hug each right now..."
My little babies...Mama hopes you're doing fine...
Thankful to the nurses & technicians who were extremely patient and reassuring this afternoon.
I must have seemed like a small scared child. But one of the ladies assured me that while there were many folks who were ok with an MRI and being in the tunnel, there were equally as many who were very nervous about it.
And so voila, MRI & MRA are done. 16 years later after my brain surgery on 11 October 2005.
New doc on my case ordered the MRI to be done because the old MRI, MRA and CT scans from back then were grainy "as technology wasn't that great then and many improvements have been made".
Thankful it is over. I did consider pushing the appointment back but that was just delaying what would be an inevitable scan.
And I went for the scan alone. Whee!
Not so whee! though....when I saw the bill...even with 50% government subsidy, the bill came up to $1,122.....
Like what K said....it's buying a peace of mind...
Pissed and upset.
There's a project initiated by the technical team. 4 team leads were supposed to split the work and provide inputs on each person's assigned areas, by a deadline.
I did my part early on, eager to get it off my plate and focus on other issues which were piling up.
And now. They are saying that they want to approach the project differently instead, using a totally different method. i.e. whatever I did is down the drain.
Like WTF?
Nabeh laoniang put in time and effort and was the first to provide inputs but have now been "penalised" and need to redo everything in a radically different way?? The rest of the team leads who did not bother to work on this project yet, are ironically now better off.
I will niam and I will be pissed. I'd give myself this at least. My anger is not unfounded.
But I can't do anything too, except suck thumb.
I'll get over it soon. I hope.
老娘四十一岁了。算不算是中年期？
Is that the right term for "middle-aged" in Chinese?
Lol anyway...I was thankful. Had 2 surprises on Saturday. One came in the morning, a sweet flower box with sunflowers, roses and some other flowers I don't know the names to. The colours were very cheery and sweet! The flower box came partnered with a Cedele cake haha. From besties Ally & PQ!
The second one delivery came in the afternoon. A musical "box" with a wooden base and 2 girl figurines on top, with a dog and a teddy bear, and a rubber rainbow. It had an airplant glued on to it as well. From lovely Kah Hui!
Here's to being in my 40s!
I hope to learn more and continue improving myself bit by bit here and there. I hope to stay healthy and happy. And...I hope all my loved ones around me, friends and family included, stay blessed, healthy and happy too!
Alyssa: I don't want to go to gymastics tomorrow. I hate gym, I shouldn't have chosen gym.
Nadya: (launched into a 5-minute spiel) Well, you still have tonight and part of tomorrow morning to think for yourself and tell yourself that you can do it. You know...you can take this as a challenge and think of how you can push through and handle this challenge. Just don't give up or say you cannot do it. You must say that you can do it so that you can, and then you really can do it! If you find yourself falling into a hole or getting stuck, try not to dig yourself deeper into the hole. But think how you can get out of the hole. Find a solution! ......
And Nadya said a lot more but I couldn't remember the rest of it lol.
Was kinda surprised she said so much and part of me hoped she would remind herself of these words when she herself starts getting whiny. Heh.
Because of Alyssa, I'm falling in love with Sumikko Gurashi too haha.
Sibei cute. We're trying to learn all the characters' names now haha.
And I went on a small rampage last week and ordered $30+ worth of small Sumikko knick-kacks from acrylic keychains to soft toy keychains, stickers, files and correction tape lol...
Can't quite tell which is my fav character though...they're all so darn cute...
Inlaws recently gifted the girls with a small abacus each.
And so now, I've taken to learning how to use it. YouTube & Google are my good friends lol....
Taking this opportunity to get Alyssa started on her "ones, tens, hundreds" concept since she'll be learning it next year in P1.
活到老学到老?
Lol....
Alyssa said this to me the other day and got me feeling all warm and fuzzy.
"Mama, you are good at making people feel nice, happy and special!"
Thank you sweetie, for making Mama feel nice, happy and special too...:)
Recently started reading some online books and stories. Mostly of the lycan/werewolf/supernatural genre.
Some are downright tacky and trashy. Some have horrible English, with terrible spelling, equally terrible grammar and non-existent proof-reading. I drop these immediately these like hot coals.
But there are some which are bearable and some riveting enough to keep me wanting to read more. I'm surprised there's a current story I am reading where I've learnt some new vocabulary as well.
Lol....here's to more lycans and werewolves and vampires entertaining me in the weeks and months to come!
Today's dental session took alot out of me. I'd postponed it for a year plus....so might as well get it over and done with already.
The queueing and waiting for my antibiotics, and the subsequent snack at the foodcourt and downing of 8 pills took some mental effort and energy. The cleaning session itself took the bulk of whatever energy I had left lol.
The new lady dentist was a nice and sweet, and very young thing. She commended me for good brushing and flossing and said my teeth were doing pretty good. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt like a small child being praised by a teacher and my chest puffed with pride lol.
But for some reason, today's cleaning and scaling was quite uncomfortable. That praise did little to quell the tension I had.
The jazz music the dentist played in the background didn't quite ease the situation too lol. Not when I could hear drilling from next door and the sounds of the various apparatus in my own room.
I think I was tense all throughout the 30mins or so. With some parts more tense than other times. I remember suddenly realising my fists were clenched, and at other times, they were clasped tightly together in a prayer position. Didn't realise I was frowning as well till the dentist told me afterwards.
Maybe I've not cleaned my teeth for more than a year and have forgotten the invasive and abrasive feeling of it. The loud sounds, the way the metal tool (scraper?) goes under your gumline, the way the other tube sucks out whatever liquid there is in your mouth, the way your lips are pulled......
The last tooth she cleaned, was painful. I could feel the bitter copper taste of blood on my tongue the moment she started on that tooth. It shocked me when I rinsed my mouth with clear water after she was done, and spit out red liquid instead. :(
I was tired after the session. Mentally.
All I wanted to do was go home and hide in my room.
And maybe catch a few winks to recharge my battery.
Jiayou! At least I've gotten over this session.
The next check-up is in 6 months...but as usual errr....I will postpone and drag it till....9 months or 1 year ;p
A little unwilling. That time has managed to slip by me that fast again.
I thought I was just celebrating CNY and taking stock of my team's workplan items for the new financial year (which starts in March).
And then now, it's October already. We're officially into the last quarter of the calendar year. And officially midway through the financial year.
It's my birthday month. And Christmas is coming.
Too fast. Too fast.
Slow down please.
I want to look at baby sprouts growing. I want to lie down and watch the clouds float by.
I want to get a day when I can sleep all the way and wake up naturally instead of getting woken up by an alarm or by someone.
I want to get some weeks where I can just sit alone with a clear unoccupied mind instead of having some mental load on my mind.
Grew more white hair in the past 12 months alone, than in the last 5 years (or 10?).
Soon it'll be a rush for presents, and spring cleaning, and performance appraisals, and then getting new notes and new clothes thereafter.
May all be well. May all be peaceful and smooth. May all be healthy and happy.
Experiencing some symptoms and behaviour reminiscent of 2 years back.
Thought I was managing myself alright.
Ok..breathe!
Remember....Thoughts --> Feelings --> Behaviour
Therefore, manage the root better....
Alyssa turned 6!
She had a full day of activities that Friday lol. She wanted to travel by bus and train (since we usually travel by car) and she wanted to catch a movie and eat BK.
K had a father-daughter date with her. He brought her out and took the bus to Paya Lebar, then switched to the train and went all the way to Nex to catch Boss Baby 2 with her. Lunch was at BK, hung around a little at a pet shop at Nex and then came back home.
She was too buzzed to take her afternoon nap. Anyway, she's been trying to skip it once in a while these days, saying she's getting bigger already. :) So she and I spent some time in the afternoon doing some craft and conducting an experiment over what items found in my bedroom will float or sink.
She wanted to eat Sushiro for dinner, so we all trooped down to fetch Nadya from her student care centre and popped by Sushiro. She indulged in all her favourite stuff like unagi sushi, prawn tempura, squid sushi, and crabstick tempura sushi. Nadya took her usual tamago sushi, chawanmushi, crabstick tempura sushi, and some others I cannot remember now haha.
Got a rich chocolate cake and then went back home to sing her a birthday song, blow candles and have dessert.
I think Alyssa thoroughly enjoyed herself that day. :) Happy to see her happy.
24 September 2021. Alyssa's 6th birthday.
Both girls had an argument in the evening over something (I can't recall by now).
Nadya came into my room with furrowed brows and asked me: "Mama, Alyssa told me that you said to her you wished you didn't give birth to me. Is this true?"
I was alarmed. Those were harsh hurting words. I said no such thing. And where on earth did the small one hear of such stuff?
Had to allay Nadya's fears and reassure her first. I then went into their bedroom and spoke to Alyssa but couldn't find out much from her on where she'd picked up those words from. Chided her gently for falsely telling Nadya that I said those things as well.
And had to reassure both girls that Mama loves them alot and would never say such things to them.
I hope they're reassured.
27 Sept 2021. Monday.
Start of a 2-week HBL period.
Nadya: Mama! We can eat Dada you know?
Me: Har??
N: Ya! Because he is Kueh Dadar!
N: *guffaws*
-_-''
Lol...lately she's been dishing out more 冷笑话s. Wonder where she's getting them from. Probably from friends in school or her student care centre....
We have Sunday evenings as mini-movie nights.
Mini because we don't do a full movie but just 30-35mins. So a movie is split over 3-4 Sundays to finish up.
We recently did the Sumikko Gurashi movie. There was no spoken dialogue and most of the character's thoughts and feelings were captioned on the screen in Japanese words instead. There were English subtitles too. I wondered though, if Nadya could read the subtitles fast enough, and if Alyssa could even understand any of it at all.
The movie ended on a sad note though, when one of the characters had to stay back in its own alternate universe. It had to be separated from the rest of its friends and could not join them in their world.
When it came to that ending scene, I heard a whimper from Nadya (who was sitting next to me) and was surprised to see her tearing up and crying mildly. What shocked K & I even more was when Alyssa burst out crying as well and continued bawling for a long time after.
It was full-fledged crying. Red eyes. Snot. Constant stream of tears. Heaving. Hitching.
My heart felt so bad for her...She was so saddened by the movie's ending. She had latched on to K and refused to let go so he had to spend quite some time consoling her....
Now I know. They probably take after me when watching shows. I cry at every single shit. Lol....
We finally bought a table-top grill/BBQ/hotplate last month.
And we did a mini home BBQ session last Saturday on our balcony haha. K was the chef, I was his assistant, helper was prepper, and the kids were.....the customers lol.
Pork belly, swiss brown mushrooms, shabu beef, prawns, squid, beef patty, chicken, tau geh, scallion, lettuce, hot dogs...K made his own burgers too haha...
Anyway, it was fun and yummy (and oily lol) and we were watching the NDP performances at the same time too.
Food was good, company was good, NDP performances were great...
It was a happy Saturday 21 Aug 2021 evening!
Went back to the office yesterday for a couple of hours. Was happy to catch up and spend time with ST.
Was happy too to get my new laptop and catch up with some of the tech guys who were there. :)
But I realised, being the introvert that I am, and having not physically spoken to so many people face to face for a long long time (save for meals with the extended family), I felt quite drained after that lol. Could literally feel my battery juice and energy run low. :D
==========
And so, after 10 years, I'll be back to using a Thinkpad. I started out with an IBM Thinkpad in this place in 2007, sought it over from the company when the 3-year refresh period was up and eventually passed the laptop on to my FIL who tinkered with it for awhile before it finally kaput.
Pending some other set-up to be done and configured first before I switch over to the new laptop. It's a Lenovo Thinkpad now haha.
==========
Pumpkin sprouts are growing well! But I have no idea what t do with them thereafter.... haha...Haven't had the chance to do any research also...will have to play by ear when they get bigger and taller....
==========
Meet-ups and gatherings in the next 2-3 weeks. Plus a much needed haircut. Hope my hairdresser is available on my off day. I've not cut my hair for 14 months. And it's getting very unruly at the ends...I need to lop off at least 4-5 inches I think....
Dr Mok gave me an affirmation yesterday.
"You are very self-aware. Some people don't even know what's wrong or which areas to fix. You are also a determined person and put in effort to manage things."
I just have to remind myself again and again not to overthink. Because our thoughts influence our feelings, which in turn influence our actions and behaviours.
===============
坚持是雄壮的。- Dennis Chew, on Hear You Out Season 2 Episode 4.
Pushed myself hard back in Sec 4. Pushed hard in the last year of uni. Pushed hard on and off in the last 9 years.
有时候觉得累， 有时候觉得骄傲。
有时候觉得不知道自己在干什么， 只知道自己只能往前走。
Keep walking, keep going.
I might be slower than some others or taking a longer time but I'll keep at my pace and my comfort level, just as long as I keep walking.
===============
A certain Mr Fernando told my friend during my internship when I was 21 years old that "Michelle will not survive in the corporate world when she goes out to work next time."
His comment pops up from time to time. It can lie dormant for several years and then something triggers that memory and the comment floats up again.
Not sure if my striving hard at work has anything to do with proving him wrong. Yeah, I'm not private sector corporate per se, but I think I'm still doing well enough in the public sector.
And at my own pace. I am not very ambitious. I don't actively seek out chances or opportunities so I can shine. I don't look for work or new projects to showcase myself. I just sit and wait in my corner. If there is an opportunity that happens along, and I feel I can take it, then I do so.....
Just thankful for all that has come by in my working life....good or bad...
The girls came home yesterday evening and were getting ready for their shower. Both started singing.
Alyssa: ~I love it when you call me senorita! Na na na na...It's true la-la-la..!!~
Nadya: ~They say ...na na na...I see the way you shine!...na na na...dance for me dance for me dance for me oh oh oh....move for me move for me move for me eh eh eh-eh!~
When I was 6 or 8, I think the songs in my head were mainly Tom Jones or Engelbert Humperdinck or at the most Michael Jackson or whatever oldies were playing on the radio at that point in time...
Now my kids are singing "Senorita" by Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello, and "Dance Monkey" by Tones & I.
Lol...
I miss their chubbiness. Their chubby faces, chubby arms and legs, chubby fingers, chubby backsides, chubby everything!
I miss the times when I can easily carry them from room to room or from place to place. When they were so small they could fit into the nook of my arms or rest comfortably on my tummy.
I miss the times Nadya would fall asleep on my chest and tummy for her weekend afternoon naps.
I miss the days when I still had to put them into a high chair to they could eat comfortably at a dining table.
I miss the days when the blankets covered them easily from neck to toe.
I miss the days when a simple trip downstairs or to the playground would be enough to keep them occupied and be happy.
I miss the days when both of them would knock out in the afternoons for their nap.
I miss the tiny pattering of feet around the house.
I'm holding thin hands and fingers and hugging thin frames now.
I can only barely carry Alyssa now and trying to carry Nadya is out of the question.
Only Alyssa sometimes wants to lie on my thigh for awhile now, just before she goes to sleep for the night.
Both girls are in their own chairs now and wielding their own forks and spoons. Nadya uses her chopsticks pretty well now too.
While Nadya still uses the same blankets she's been using since she was a baby, they barely cover her now and her feet always stick out lol. She refuses to stop using them.
Books, chats, craft sessions, and more are needed to keep them occupied now.
Only Alyssa still naps now but that'll be a thing of the past when she goes into P1 next year and starts getting used to the primary school + student care routines.
I only hear loud shrieks and loud (heavier steps) around the house now haha...
But yes, while I miss those days when they were still young and oh so cute...But I do treasure the times now too...for who knows...they may not even want to hang out with their parents in a couple of years from now...
You grew up in a certain way. You were brought up in a certain way.
Some of these certain ways did not leave positive marks on your life and on yourself.
You tell yourself not to do it when you become a parent yourself.
You try and you remind yourself.
But sometimes, certain things are so ingrained in you.
You don't even realise you're doing it until you've done it.
You get discouraged and feel guilty. You wonder if you're any good at this parenting stuff.
You try again. You fall again. You try again.
And sometimes you fall again. Self-doubt creeps in as well.
Just.
Keep going.
Bossa Nova jazz accompanies me at work on this cold cold morning.
Streaming it from a 24/7 Youtube channel called "Cafe Music BGM channel". Been listening to their channel for 2 weeks now. Pretty good.
And...it's Youth Day today! A small part of me still feels young and impressionable. So.....I can still celebrate it right? ;p And this will include snacking on Frosties this afternoon ;p
Will try to start doing arm dips?...K (and online sources) said they're good for all 3 parts of the triceps...
Lapsed on the squats so I should get those going again too...lol...
Learning Korean online is going pretty well. A little slow-going at times, especially when work and kids take up alot of time, but I think I'm doing good enough. I can read and write some basic words and I think I can write simple words based on how they sound phonetically too. Will keep going on this!
Jiayou to me for today will be a day dedicated to planning, policy review and some policy research work. Oh, and maybe some workplanning & target setting work as well.
Fighting!
coming soon or probably already here...
my acid reflux and gastric issue...
signs to know it's here....sensitive throat, on and off coughing when throats gets irritated, tight throat sometimes that makes swallowing more challenging and I need to be more careful, upper arms on and off aching, sometimes feels like there's a lump in my throat, one ulcer starting up in my mouth, tight upper gut with some cramping up last night, general lethargy (couldn't get out of bed these 2 mornings)...
ok...I've been eating more frivolously in the last 1-2 months...and I wolfed down my lunch on Sunday in less than 10mins....
It's about time my stomach acts up...I can just about guess the cycle already...
Time to self-manage and control my meals more again...
Only thing is...I've ordered in advance Mac for lunch today lol...Ok it's gonna be my last indulgent meal....before a week or 2 of more light eating...
